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Post by MrNice on Jan 31, 2008 13:40:21 GMT -5
lol, ok
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Post by MrNice on Jan 31, 2008 14:56:22 GMT -5
they are not brainwashed into this - actually they have to be brainwashed OUT of it
they have not created a false persona - hopefully they learned to take things less seriously and to be able to bring out their own personality and romantic/sexual desire with women they find attractive instead of trying to hide it all away
that argument - that 'you just haven't met the right girl' gets boring after a while
nice guys only fall for nice girls
'be yourself' is meaningless as advice because it can mean lots of different things
getting a girl using 'pick up advice' is the same as getting a girl not using pickup advice. It has the same chance of turning into something meaningful long term. If you do things by trial and error you will naturally stumble upon what is suggested in various guides. However it will take a lot longer then necessary.
I have no idea what 'techniques' you are referring to so that you can use 'one' of them to 'easily' pick up a girl. Clearly we are talking about different things.
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Post by lennythegiant on Jan 31, 2008 15:11:11 GMT -5
A lot more 'luck' then by just doing trial and error What does that mean? The truth is, a job or a car will not make you any more confident and girls will NOT approach you if you don't do it yourself (unless your car is a Ferrari F430 - google it, it's beautiful). To be honest it sounds like you haven't done any serious approaching yet. Beggars are not choosers. Or to be clear - can you name an example of a girl that you went after and you figured out she wasn't right for you other than the fact that she gave you a cold shoulder?There was one girl that I tried to impress through the whole "cocky and funny" bit. In the end I just came off as a mean spirited, insecure prick. I don't recommend that act to other people in the social anxiety community, because unless you have some real confidence it won't work. The whole "fake it until you make it" won't work if you don't have anything real to base it on. There have been a few girls that I had crushes on that I ended up hanging out with and figuring out that I'd rather be friends with them, because the thing is I could use new friends as well. Also the realization came that I could very well not be ready for a relationship too, so I'd be better off making friends. I think having a car and a job has helped me be more confident before.The fact that I can get around better than I used to makes me feel better about myself, because I don't feel like such a shut in anymore. When I was working, I felt good about myself because I knew I was making some sort of contribution somewhere. I felt like I was a worthwhile member of society. It's a great feeling, and from that feeling you can't help but become more confident. Like I said, the thing that stops me from trying to pick up girls in my area is that I don't have the same set of friends that I did in college. If I did try to go to the bars closest to my house, I would be the only one there. Meaning I couldn't really drink, because I'd need to get myself home. Even if I brought one of my friends with me, he doesn't drink, and he doesn't have a license either meaning I'd have to technically be the designated driver anyway. So basically it'd be two guys who can't drink going to a bar for some reason. Plus I don't know if girls even hang out in the bars in my town. I don't know where the places to hang out in my town are for people who aren't in high school anymore. There is one place that's supposed to open up pretty soon though that I might give a shot. If for no other reason than that it'd be an excuse to get out of the house. |
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Post by MrNice on Jan 31, 2008 22:35:14 GMT -5
what is your measure of success?
therein lies a problem - you think you need to impress a girl. its not going to work whether you try a cocky funny bit or a plain boring bit. If you start out thinking that you need to impress the girl you will not be able to relax. She didn't try to impress you right? Nevertheless you felt attracted to her. It should be the same the other way around.
cocky funny is not impressive. as far as I know its application is more for a situation a girl is giving you a hard time / thinks herself above you.
if I had to take a guess you probably came off a lot better then you think you did. although if you were drunk that changes things a lot
working up the courage to talk to a girl gives you confidence
(unless you are drunk)
did you let them know you had a crush on them? did they like you?
drinking is a bad idea when you are trying to learn to overcome your anxiety
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Post by carboncopy on Jan 31, 2008 23:51:49 GMT -5
There was one girl that I tried to impress through the whole "cocky and funny" bit. In the end I just came off as a mean spirited, insecure prick. I don't recommend that act to other people in the social anxiety community, because unless you have some real confidence it won't work. The whole "fake it until you make it" won't work if you don't have anything real to base it on. Wise responses for the most part throughout your post. I like that. Just in time, as I was losing faith in feasibility of this forum. Too many love fests and counter-productive reassurances, too few discourses. To your point - I don't exactly condone C&F (as I assume fast seduction drones would put it). It's fake and stupid, but it's not without merit. Many girls do fall for it easily. The biggest factor here is social validation. There is that Seinfeld episode that rings eerily true - it's enough to have endorsment from one attractive female for a whole new world to open up to you. There have been a few girls that I had crushes on that I ended up hanging out with and figuring out that I'd rather be friends with them, because the thing is I could use new friends as well. Also the realization came that I could very well not be ready for a relationship too, so I'd be better off making friends. That runs contrary to what shy, romantically deprived guys usually go through. They inevitably fall in love with a cute girl who shows even a smidgen of interest. Unless you're not telling the whole story. I guess my real question was whether you have ever gone out with a girl whom you have initially found physically attractive and decided to distance from her purely based on her personality. I think having a car and a job has helped me be more confident before.The fact that I can get around better than I used to makes me feel better about myself, because I don't feel like such a shut in anymore. When I was working, I felt good about myself because I knew I was making some sort of contribution somewhere. I felt like I was a worthwhile member of society. It's a great feeling, and from that feeling you can't help but become more confident. There is an easy solution - get a job. The market is pretty good today and with a little effort you can find gainfull employment. Don't aim for the lowest mundane jobs, it's easy to see that you have potential for alot more. Like I said, the thing that stops me from trying to pick up girls in my area is that I don't have the same set of friends that I did in college. If I did try to go to the bars closest to my house, I would be the only one there. Meaning I couldn't really drink, because I'd need to get myself home. Even if I brought one of my friends with me, he doesn't drink, and he doesn't have a license either meaning I'd have to technically be the designated driver anyway. So basically it'd be two guys who can't drink going to a bar for some reason. Plus I don't know if girls even hang out in the bars in my town. I don't know where the places to hang out in my town are for people who aren't in high school anymore. The truth is, you won't have much luck in bars. There will be few viable single girls in the place and most of those will have a circle of female vultures around her making sure that their "friend" doesn't fall into clutches of any decent man. Needless to say, they have something more than altruism in mind. There is one place that's supposed to open up pretty soon though that I might give a shot. If for no other reason than that it'd be an excuse to get out of the house. Go check it out, definitely, but don't get your hopes up. |
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Post by lennythegiant on Feb 1, 2008 1:43:02 GMT -5
lsdima: what is your measure of success?Since I've never gotten too far, my definition of success is a pretty low standard. If it has caused your average number of dates per year to increase, even if the dates go nowhere, I'd consider that a success. How has it worked for you? How has it made your pursuit of finding the right woman easier/more successful? I'd really like to know, because I'm willing to hear out whether or not certain ideas in the seduction community have actually worked, even though I think the overall system sounds kind of whack. therein lies a problem - you think you need to impress a girl. its not going to work whether you try a cocky funny bit or a plain boring bit. If you start out thinking that you need to impress the girl you will not be able to relax. She didn't try to impress you right? Nevertheless you felt attracted to her. It should be the same the other way around.
cocky funny is not impressive. as far as I know its application is more for a situation a girl is giving you a hard time / thinks herself above you.
if I had to take a guess you probably came off a lot better then you think you did. although if you were drunk that changes things a lot
By impress I meant give the impression that I had some sort of confidence. I tried to do the cocky and funny thing by doing a lot of teasing. I didn't think I was doing anything really mean spirited, I was pretty sure I made sure to keep a joking tone throughout. I thought I'd give it a try because I had never tried it before, as I'm usually not the really talkative one in a group. From how I understood what I had read, they seemed to kind of recommend that cocky and funny persona right off the bat, not just when the girl herself is arrogant. I was drunk, as was everyone else at the time. By the end she kind of treated me like she wanted me to get the hell out of her face, and it didn't seem like it was in the "I'm going to tease him back" way. I'm pretty sure drunk or sober I would have gotten the vibe that it didn't work. Talking to girls has given me confidence, both drunk and sober. Because there was a time when I wouldn't have approached girls drunk either. lsdima: did you let them know you had a crush on them? did they like you?Let's see: a couple had boyfriends, one ended up getting a boyfriend not long afterward. One kept telling me that she had no interest in a boyfriend at the time. So no, I've never really told a girl before (not counting when I was a freshman in high school, because that was back before what I'd consider to be the time when I actually could have dated). I don't know how to really tell if a girl likes me as more than a friend. There was one girl that was pretty clear on what she wanted as a boyfriend, and I was pretty open with her, so she knew I didn't fit that. So while I'm confident that she liked me as a friend, I have my doubts that she'd like me as much as I liked her. drinking is a bad idea when you are trying to learn to overcome your anxietyProbably, but I definitely used alcohol every chance I could get to try to open up more. I remember being at parties with friends, but if they had other friends over that were strangers to me I'd freak out and want to get some "liquid courage" because I wasn't sure what these new people were like. Spending the last two years of college being pretty out of shape probably didn't help my confidence either, especially being at a school where most people were pretty good looking. carboncopy:Too many love fests and counter-productive reassurances, too few discourses.I miss that Solitary Soul guy. I remember having some good debates with that guy.  The board didn't get boring with him around. Debates now and then are always good, but at the same time it's nice to have the "love fests" too. Some people may need the tough love of good advice now and then, but I know from experience that sometimes people need reassurance too that they aren't the only ones out there who feel that they are hopelessly alone. carboncopy:They inevitably fall in love with a cute girl who shows even a smidgen of interest.Yeah, that's me too. I don't get very many pretty girls coming my way, when one comes along I make friends, but in the back of my head I always wonder whether something more could happen. Probably being naive on my part. There was one girl that after some time I thought was pretty crazy. But she already had a boyfriend at the time so I wasn't go to try anything anyway.
There is an easy solution - get a job. The market is pretty good today and with a little effort you can find gainfull employment. Don't aim for the lowest mundane jobs, it's easy to see that you have potential for alot more.From my experience so far and what I've heard, the job market has seen better days. At this point I have little work experience and am a recent graduate, so the only things I can do are either entry level jobs or low mundane jobs. At this point a low mundane job sounds pretty sweet, as I miss getting a paycheck and having a job to go to. Plus I have a feeling that I'm getting rejected by better jobs due to a lack of work experience anyway. I think I really screwed myself by thinking I wouldn't have to grow up until after college. Go check it out, definitely, but don't get your hopes up.I don't. I think my only chance will be to finally get the balls to get used to the freeway, because I'm not sure there is much to do in my town or the next few over unless you have a group of friends. Hell, I probably need to start making new friends. I need to figure out how I'm going to do that too.
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konnor
Junior Member
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Post by konnor on Feb 1, 2008 7:57:16 GMT -5
I agree with the majority. Essentially it's manipulation and social engineering.
I've read 'The Game' and the author conceeds his perception of woman became more narrowminded and shallow the more success he had with PUA techniques. I can't imagine that sits too well with him.
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Post by Naptaq on Feb 1, 2008 10:06:49 GMT -5
I've read 'The Game' and the author conceeds his perception of woman became more narrowminded and shallow the more success he had with PUA techniques. I can't imagine that sits too well with him. It seems it does sit very well with Neil Strauss, if that's who you mean. Read his myspace 'about me' section and you'll see what I mean. |
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Post by annaa on Feb 1, 2008 10:20:19 GMT -5
Laugh at me all you want. Doesn't make me angry at all. I just pity you. I really do feel sorry for you. What do you have to show for yourself now? Clearly the pick-up artists aren't as good as they promise for long-term success. Want a hug? |
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konnor
Junior Member
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Post by konnor on Feb 1, 2008 10:20:51 GMT -5
In that case I stand corrected. He was conscious of the fact he was beginning to view woman purely as objects but each to there own I spose.
I might have to eat my own words though as I'm quite interested in buying his new book!
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Post by annaa on Feb 1, 2008 10:21:45 GMT -5
In that case I stand corrected. He was conscious of the fact he was beginning to view woman purely as objects but each to there own I spose. I might have to eat my own words though as I'm quite interested in buying his new book! I'm thinking of being a lesbo. |
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Post by Naptaq on Feb 1, 2008 10:26:58 GMT -5
In that case I stand corrected. He was conscious of the fact he was beginning to view woman purely as objects but each to there own I spose. oh. well I did not read his book so I didn't know about that. But I guess the myspace profile ain't really 'him', it's just a persona.. |
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Post by Sigh on Feb 1, 2008 10:43:39 GMT -5
In that case I stand corrected. He was conscious of the fact he was beginning to view woman purely as objects but each to there own I spose. I might have to eat my own words though as I'm quite interested in buying his new book! I'm thinking of being a lesbo. But surely, you wouldn't be able to get a woman without using 'seduction techinques'!  |
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Post by MrNice on Feb 1, 2008 11:21:08 GMT -5
so Anna, how is your love life doing? what do you have to show for yourself? How many relationships have you had? how many men have you slept with? Or maybe you have some interesting stories to tell about your adventures in dating that you want to list on this thread?
What is it exactly that you want me to show?
you wish
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Post by lennythegiant on Feb 1, 2008 12:13:39 GMT -5
so Anna, how is your love life doing? what do you have to show for yourself? How many relationships have you had? how many men have you slept with? Or maybe you have some interesting stories to tell about your adventures in dating that you want to list on this thread?
What is it exactly that you want me to show?
What does the amount of men or women one slept with have to do with a successful love life? People can have meaningless sex too, it doesn't make for a successful love life. For a lot of people sex isn't the ultimate aspect of being in a relationship. I'm not trying to downplay sex but, generally people find the whole...boyfriend/girlfriend aspect to be important too.I think our pop culture has made this really skewed interpretation of sex and its importance, so that everyone feels like they have the obligation to frak like a bunch of rabbits.
Plus in my post I asked you the same thing. You are the one who goes on and on about the benefits of pick up artistry, if you want to sell us on it hearing about the successes of someone who praises it so highly would be interesting.
I went to Strauss' page:
-First of all, I like how he really doesn't give a number on the amount of women responding to that. He kind of gives the impression that women were flocking to him after that ad, when it could have been like three women who were curious to see whether this guy was just really an overconfident basement dweller, while other women probably just had a laugh and continued reading the personals. While one could argue that any number of women was still a success, it still doesn't seem like concrete proof that joking that you are a douchebag is always going to work. It's entirely possible that more men could be copying that tactic, and not getting anywhere with it because the women who happen to read it laugh it off.
-Also, a minute into that video and it's annoying as hell. Not really funny at all.
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The board didn't get boring with him around.
