How to tell her how I feel.

[Sensitive Soul]

Sorry for the long post but I need to try and explain the circumstances and Also for bad spelling/ wording.

I work in small section of an IT department. In department there is only me and this other lady we have been working together now for year and half. The nature of our job means we work very closely together in the work we do and we get on very well. I have for a long while now found her very attractive, funny and intelligent. I just don’t know how to tell her how I feel.


What happened to make things worse?

We have had a new rotor put in meaning that some people have to go to anther site for 1 day week (not us two though). One of the blokes that went there who was on his last week before leaving got board.

So he started email both me and my colleague as we where arranging his leaving do. In one of the emails to her he started to try to find out her inner most secrets. She started to flirt back with him. I did not see this email though she did tell me and other colleagues this her self (PS He is married with kids and happy.)

She was open to a point. About what he was tiring to get her to reveal with out going into the full details. I was involved with one of the emails he/she had been sending so some of it was not a secret.

I asked her to forward one of the emails to me so I could send a reply. She was happy to. But then got very defensive when she thought I was reading the other comments even though I had post some of the early ones myself. She then realised that this particular email was not the one she thought it was.

We sat and had coffee couple of days later and he came up in conversation. She told me that flirting with him was easy as nothing would happen as he is happily married.

Other people we work with have made comments before “that we would make a lovely couple” and when we where out for his leaving do last night her friend said something similar. Every time she replies with something like “I don’t think so”. I not sure whether her replies when people tell her we go well together are her true feelings or not.


How I feel

In the last couple of days I have had nothing on my mind expect her and trying to pluck up the courage to tell her how I feel more so that ever before. It’s beginning to make me feel ill. (May be love Sick if there such a sickness) I want to tell her but I am like most shy people afraid that she will reject me. I have been playing over and over in my mind what I would say to her. I also do not want to make it hard for to carry on working with me once she knows my true feelings. To be honest I am not even sure if she has not already guest.

I suppose I have become jealous that she can talk more openly to him than me or that she may fancy him. It got so bad to the point where (and I did not) I would like to have looked at the other emails that where sent. I even felt like she was always minimizing her email when I came in the room in case I saw something.

I have been much more quite in the last two days at work as a result of this which she has noticed and has tried a couple of times to find out what’s wrong. She told me last night when we where out for the leaving do that she asked me a few times to see if she could help and as I did not seem to want it she would leave alone. Once when she asked I did tell her it’s personal but went no further than that.

It is also possible that a few months we both be out of a job. Which may mean although she lives near to me I will have never see her again and if I do not ask soon I will regret it.

It makes me sad when I think about it to point of crying.

[Sensitive Soul]

We get on together very well which I know is not a best start of a relationship. Maybe that's the problem It's me that feels something for her without asking her I do not know how she feels.

To be honst I probably would not notice the signs if they came up and smaked me on the noise.

[Sensitive Soul]

She is not touchy feely in a physical way. Although she knows the type of person I am. Working so close together you get to know peoples strengths and weakness.
She can be blunt when she says something’s. She comes across to me that way. Although I am never sure whether comments she makes epsicaly when others are around are her true feelings.

[franco]

Guest-Sensitive said:

It makes me sad when I think about it to point of crying.

Sorry to hear this. I can't advise you how to tell her, but I think you definately should. There's nothing more depressing in my experience than having liking someone, but not being able to express a romantic interest.

This has happened to me twice in my life, once at college and once at work and left me feeling very depressed both times and suicidal the first time it happened. Also seeing the girl I liked flirting with work colleagues was also terrible. My colleagues even took to making fun out of me about the fact the girl was flirting with them and not with me.

The only thing I wouldn't do is e-mail her to tell her how you feel as I have found that people are more likely to show others their e-mail at work. Also there's always the issue of letteing her know whether you are shy or not, but some women do not value that quality in a man.

[Sensitive Soul]

Telliing her I am shy is not a problem as she already knows that. I think she has a good idear of who I am personality wise. Since we do talk about some things quite openly

Spoke to my Sister-In-Law last night for some advise. Although I was cagy at first. From things I have said in the past. She woked out what I was having a problem about before I even told her.

That got me to thinking Why colleague has not also guest that she is the problem. Maybe she has?TEXT

[lsdima4]

It's me that feels something for her without asking her I do not know how she feels.

Don't lie to yourself. You know how she feels.

[ShySoul]

This is still Sensitive Soul only just realised I was not logged in for my other post.

To lsdima4 not sure whether you are male/female

As I don't believe she is shy then how do I know how she feels as she has not told me?

With out wishing to swear the following quote comes to mind

"Assumption is the mother of all f**kups"

If I thought how she felt was the same then this would not be a problem. It's the fact that round friends & colleagues when a comment has been made that we would be good together or something to that effect. She has always put it down.

I am know good at telling whether it was said just because it was in public when said.

Still it makes me so Ill (sad Huh). I have come to the decision to tell this morning Monday (UK) how I feel. I do not feel I could carry on the way I have been the last couple of days.

Thanks gain for all your help out there. I know I am not alone and that's nice feeling to have. I feel it only fare to respond back with the outcome. Either way it might help others in there quest for happiness.

[ShySoul]

Well I told how I feel and she did not feel the same way.

She told me she had known this for a while and had tried to make it obvious that she does not feel the same way. But I am blind to her signals.

Other things happened though. That for a time to day made me more worried about my self.

Problem started when she asked; unknown to me to see the photo's taken on Friday by one of my colleague. When she got them she looked though them. She told me he had put them on the system. When I looked through them in XP as filmstrip in order I hasten to add. I came to one that had been taken of me and her. When I tried to look at it the big picture was not there only the small one. I tried to edit to take a look and saw that it was gone. As she was one of the first to see it and really the only person with any need to delete it this got me worried that she might feel I would do something creepy with the photo.

I had to speak to some so I told a close male friend at work. Who told me not be so worried he has been through this before and realises it will be hard. He told me it's not a good idea for me to confront her. Instead ask my colleague what happened to the missing photos (Each photo had a number and three had been deleted with in the sequence.)

I did not have much response from my colleague. I left for the day.

I have just come of the phone from my Sister-in-Law who help me a lot as she can give a womans perspective on this. She told me that the reason she deleted the picture is that she knows how much I like her and did not want to make it any worse for me.

This makes me feel better though I still have a slight niggling in my head. That this is not reason

It will only take time for me to get over her although to be honest I never will. I just hope that this has not made our work relationship worse.

I thank again all the people who posted to my comments and I hope that someone else reading this might get help from it.

[lsdima4]

Your friend is right, do not confront her. Don't try to be friends with her or anything like that. Actually avoid her as much as possible.

[ShySoul]

that's problem when we are the only two that work in that section of the IT department. I have felt this way for at least year and managed not to say anything. I will do my best to put in past and move on.

[franco]

Well, I wish I was brave enough to tell someone how I feel. It tends to be a lot more depressing if you keep it to yourself.

[Ms Pnats]

franco said:

Well, I wish I was brave enough to tell someone how I feel. It tends to be a lot more depressing if you keep it to yourself.

yes it was very brave to tell her and now at least he knows.

Shysoul, it is hard for you right now but I always say that I don't want someone who doesn't want me. Just let the pics go and I wouldn't discuss them anymore at work. Things have a way of getting around the office and it would make you look bad.

[Richie Cunningham]

Why do so many shy people work in IT?

[wagnerr]

Guest-Richie said:

Why do so many shy people work in IT?

I'm not sure. I don't work in IT.

Maybe because shy people can talk to computers and stuff because computers are like pets; they don't repsond negatively, and they're always glad to see you.

I was any good with electronics, i'd be into IT work as well. Oh well, i'm more of a bookworm myself. I'll probably end up as a librarian or history professor that writes books or something.

I'm well on the way to those.

[Ms Pnats]

Guest-Richie said:

Why do so many shy people work in IT?

because many times you can work alone. you work mainly with the machine or concepts and logic and not people.