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Post by rukryM on Oct 17, 2008 7:39:37 GMT -5
The previous advice I gave you Sweet Pea, wasn't any good, so I'll try again; you have to locate his weak spot. Act really sexy {that's what you girls always do} and wait for those desiring/yearning looks from him ;D.
Then you ask him out ^_^.
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Post by Sweet Pea on Oct 17, 2008 8:33:56 GMT -5
The previous advice I gave you Sweet Pea, wasn't any good, so I'll try again; you have to locate his weak spot. Act really sexy {that's what you girls always do} and wait for those desiring/yearning looks from him ;D. Then you ask him out ^_^. oh, so you mean, instead of offering to take him to lunch i should offer to make him lunch, huh? ;D but what if we're somewhere like the library when i run into him? the library ladies would be scandalized! |
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Post by rukryM on Oct 17, 2008 9:03:23 GMT -5
The previous advice I gave you Sweet Pea, wasn't any good, so I'll try again; you have to locate his weak spot. Act really sexy {that's what you girls always do} and wait for those desiring/yearning looks from him ;D. Then you ask him out ^_^. oh, so you mean, instead of offering to take him to lunch i should offer to make him lunch, huh? ;D but what if we're somewhere like the library when i run into him? the library ladies would be scandalized! Haha, there you go, invite him to your place for lunch  ! And for the library folks, don't worry, they need some action in their lives ;D . But seriously, where do you run into him? Is it always in the library? If so, perhaps if you start discussing books you can take that discussion to one of your places  ? |
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Post by Sweet Pea on Oct 17, 2008 9:47:24 GMT -5
And for the library folks, don't worry, they need some action in their lives ;D . lmao...that could be true. some of them do seem a bit uptight. |
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Post by Farouche on Oct 17, 2008 23:33:40 GMT -5
Rukrym ----------------------
And for the library folks, don't worry, they need some action in their lives ;D .
Sweet Pea ----------------------
lmao...that could be true. some of them do seem a bit uptight. Au contraire, I suspect they're just very discrete. If you meet this guy in the library, act quick and ask him out to lunch before a librarian seduces him in a dark corner of the "how to" section... ;D |
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Post by Sweet Pea on Oct 18, 2008 0:10:39 GMT -5
Rukrym ----------------------
And for the library folks, don't worry, they need some action in their lives ;D .
Sweet Pea ----------------------
lmao...that could be true. some of them do seem a bit uptight. Au contraire, I suspect they're just very discrete. If you meet this guy in the library, act quick and ask him out to lunch before a librarian seduces him in a dark corner of the "how to" section... ;D zounds! you're right! i'd better get on the stick before someone snatches him up!  |
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Post by deadendphilosopher on Oct 18, 2008 12:25:03 GMT -5
I don't know much about dating, but I read a book called Mars and Venus on a Date, by John Grey, which has a lot of good insights. It says that relationships have the best chance of success when the man is in the role of the active pursuer. It says ideally a man's role is to work to please a woman and convince her that he might be the one for her, while it is best for the woman to have a friendly and receptive attitude, and to consider if he is the one for her, not if she is the one for him. According to this book, relationships are a chance for women to relax and be taken care of by someone for a change. And they are a chance for men to put their best foot forward and work to please a woman. Apparently it makes men very happy to be able to please a woman, and if a woman works to please a man, it is harder for him to be interested and to value her. He is most interested when he feels like he needs to work to win her over, although she shouldn't play hard to get because that will just make him feel like he doesn't have the ability to please her, which will make him loose interest. As a result, if a woman wants to ask a man out, this book suggests that she should ask for his assistance with something such as moving something heavy for her, helping her pick out paint or something for her house, or anything else where he has the opportunity to serve her and feel useful. Honestly if it was me, I think I would feel really strange asking someone I didn't know well for help. But according to John Grey, this is the best way to ask a man out.
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Post by Sweet Pea on Oct 18, 2008 13:05:59 GMT -5
I don't know much about dating, but I read a book called Mars and Venus on a Date, by John Grey, which has a lot of good insights. It says that relationships have the best chance of success when the man is in the role of the active pursuer. It says ideally a man's role is to work to please a woman and convince her that he might be the one for her, while it is best for the woman to have a friendly and receptive attitude, and to consider if he is the one for her, not if she is the one for him. According to this book, relationships are a chance for women to relax and be taken care of by someone for a change. And they are a chance for men to put their best foot forward and work to please a woman. Apparently it makes men very happy to be able to please a woman, and if a woman works to please a man, it is harder for him to be interested and to value her. He is most interested when he feels like he needs to work to win her over, although she shouldn't play hard to get because that will just make him feel like he doesn't have the ability to please her, which will make him loose interest. As a result, if a woman wants to ask a man out, this book suggests that she should ask for his assistance with something such as moving something heavy for her, helping her pick out paint or something for her house, or anything else where he has the opportunity to serve her and feel useful. Honestly if it was me, I think I would feel really strange asking someone I didn't know well for help. But according to John Grey, this is the best way to ask a man out. okay, then...i guess i should ask him to help me wash my windows or clean my carpet...hmmm, i kinda like this idea. get my hooks in a man and get my house cleaned up too, lol. honestly, i don't think i'd be very compatible with a guy if he didn't like me asking him out. i'm a very direct person, and probably a good deal more aggressive than the average woman. so if he didn't like me asking him out, that prolly means we wouldn't get along. i don't like the idea of a relationship being a "chance for women to relax and be taken care of by someone for a change" at all". pretty big turnoff actually, since i know that becoming dependent on a man is a really bad idea. i'm more of the looking-for-a-meeting-of-the-minds-equal-partnership-mutual-respect sorta thing. with mind blowing sex thrown in, of course! ;D |
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Post by deadendphilosopher on Oct 18, 2008 15:29:51 GMT -5
I don't know much about dating, but I read a book called Mars and Venus on a Date, by John Grey, which has a lot of good insights. It says that relationships have the best chance of success when the man is in the role of the active pursuer. It says ideally a man's role is to work to please a woman and convince her that he might be the one for her, while it is best for the woman to have a friendly and receptive attitude, and to consider if he is the one for her, not if she is the one for him. According to this book, relationships are a chance for women to relax and be taken care of by someone for a change. And they are a chance for men to put their best foot forward and work to please a woman. Apparently it makes men very happy to be able to please a woman, and if a woman works to please a man, it is harder for him to be interested and to value her. He is most interested when he feels like he needs to work to win her over, although she shouldn't play hard to get because that will just make him feel like he doesn't have the ability to please her, which will make him loose interest. As a result, if a woman wants to ask a man out, this book suggests that she should ask for his assistance with something such as moving something heavy for her, helping her pick out paint or something for her house, or anything else where he has the opportunity to serve her and feel useful. Honestly if it was me, I think I would feel really strange asking someone I didn't know well for help. But according to John Grey, this is the best way to ask a man out. okay, then...i guess i should ask him to help me wash my windows or clean my carpet...hmmm, i kinda like this idea. get my hooks in a man and get my house cleaned up too, lol. honestly, i don't think i'd be very compatible with a guy if he didn't like me asking him out. i'm a very direct person, and probably a good deal more aggressive than the average woman. so if he didn't like me asking him out, that prolly means we wouldn't get along. i don't like the idea of a relationship being a "chance for women to relax and be taken care of by someone for a change" at all". pretty big turnoff actually, since i know that becoming dependent on a man is a really bad idea. i'm more of the looking-for-a-meeting-of-the-minds-equal-partnership-mutual-respect sorta thing. with mind blowing sex thrown in, of course! ;D I respect what you are saying, but I think you might have misunderstood some of what I meant. I was not at all suggesting becoming dependent on a man, in some ways I was suggesting the opposite. The book I was referring to says the only way to have a truly healthy relationship is if both partners already have wholesome fulfilling lives-neither can be dependent on the other for happiness and wholeness. Letting a man serve a woman is not about being dependent on him, it is about letting him have the fulfillment of adding to her pleasure and happiness, of being able to please her. Women often give so much in life - intimate relationships according to John Gray are a chance for them to also experience receiving. Not that they shouldn't give to their partners as well, but according to Mr. Gray relationships work best when the dynamic is that the woman's needs come first, and a woman gives to her partner from a place of fullness from already having had her needs attended to. In John Gray's perspective, it is from this place that meeting of minds and equal partnership and respect (and mind blowing sex ) can thrive. |
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Post by Sweet Pea on Oct 18, 2008 15:41:04 GMT -5
okay, then...i guess i should ask him to help me wash my windows or clean my carpet...hmmm, i kinda like this idea. get my hooks in a man and get my house cleaned up too, lol. honestly, i don't think i'd be very compatible with a guy if he didn't like me asking him out. i'm a very direct person, and probably a good deal more aggressive than the average woman. so if he didn't like me asking him out, that prolly means we wouldn't get along. i don't like the idea of a relationship being a "chance for women to relax and be taken care of by someone for a change" at all". pretty big turnoff actually, since i know that becoming dependent on a man is a really bad idea. i'm more of the looking-for-a-meeting-of-the-minds-equal-partnership-mutual-respect sorta thing. with mind blowing sex thrown in, of course! ;D I respect what you are saying, but I think you might have misunderstood some of what I meant. I was not at all suggesting becoming dependent on a man, in some ways I was suggesting the opposite. The book I was referring to says the only way to have a truly healthy relationship is if both partners already have wholesome fulfilling lives-neither can be dependent on the other for happiness and wholeness. Letting a man serve a woman is not about being dependent on him, it is about letting him have the fulfillment of adding to her pleasure and happiness, of being able to please her. Women often give so much in life - intimate relationships according to John Gray are a chance for them to also experience receiving. Not that they shouldn't give to their partners as well, but according to Mr. Gray relationships work best when the dynamic is that the woman's needs come first, and a woman gives to her partner from a place of fullness from already having had her needs attended to. In John Gray's perspective, it is from this place that meeting of minds and equal partnership and respect (and mind blowing sex ) can thrive. 'place of fullness' eh? lol. hmmm...well, it still sounds too much like it's coming from the 'drop your handkerchief and bat your eyelashes' school of thought. i just don't think this approach works for all of us. i have no idea how one could rationalize a woman's needs 'coming first' in an egalitarian partnership. i can see that ending up being a bargaining chip in a negotiation i don't wanna make. if a man always puts my needs first, then he's making a sacrifice for me. if he's making a sacrifice for me, then next thing i know i have a martyr on my hands, lol. then comes guilt, resentment, drama... no thanks. too complicated for me. i prefer to keep it simple. i like you. you like me. let's get it on, lol. ;D |
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Post by deadendphilosopher on Oct 18, 2008 15:59:03 GMT -5
I don't think it's about the guy being a martyr - I think it's more that the guy gains fulfillment by successfully helping to fulfill you. Your appreciation is what he gets in return - the resentment is what comes in when the guy feels taken for granted and unappreciated. And it's not that he ALWAYS has to put her needs first, but that the main dynamic is like that.
I'm curious what all you SU guys think about this book's advice by the way.
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Post by Sweet Pea on Oct 18, 2008 16:12:08 GMT -5
I don't think it's about the guy being a martyr - I think it's more that the guy gains fulfillment by successfully helping to fulfill you. Your appreciation is what he gets in return - the resentment is what comes in when the guy feels taken for granted and unappreciated. And it's not that he ALWAYS has to put her needs first, but that the main dynamic is like that. I'm curious what all you SU guys think about this book's advice by the way. i think that would be good advice for the macho dominant males to take, who annoy the hell out of me. but any normal guy with self-respect who treats me well will do fine with me...and without all the bells and whistles. and i'm still waiting for more input from guys about what kind of approach they would like to experience from a woman who wants to ask them out. what would you like her to say and how? what type of thing would you like to be invited to do?  |
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Post by skyhint on Oct 18, 2008 16:45:08 GMT -5
They are guys. They don't say no.
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Post by Sweet Pea on Oct 18, 2008 16:55:14 GMT -5
They are guys. They don't say no. i must be really ugly then, lol. |
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Post by skyhint on Oct 18, 2008 17:08:25 GMT -5
They are guys. They don't say no. i must be really ugly then, lol. Well he hasn't said no and he's not gonna |
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