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Post by reason on Dec 7, 2008 18:29:08 GMT -5
Deadendphilosopher, Well, who knows - my "flirting" may or may not be perceived as that in the real world! I thought I was but hey, I'm a bloke, I'm probably doing it all wrong :-)
Problem with that though is, it could be perceived as flirting, or just a friend being really nice.
As far as I know, she could be just as terrible as me at working out if someone likes her in that way and her invites to the pub etc. where her way of trying to let me know. She's quite a TomBoy (she agrees) so maybe doesn't pick up on my attempts at flirting.
MrNice, I think you're correct. (I did actually look in to the ShyDating offered from the main page on this site, but after looking more deeply, I don't think it's any different than any other site to be honest and looks like a way to pull in more people, possibly with false advertising).
This all must have been soooo much easier for early cavemen without todays problems of technology, speech and Cosmo giving "advice" to women :-)
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Post by deadendphilosopher on Dec 8, 2008 11:26:23 GMT -5
Deadendphilosopher, Well, who knows - my "flirting" may or may not be perceived as that in the real world! I thought I was but hey, I'm a bloke, I'm probably doing it all wrong :-) Problem with that though is, it could be perceived as flirting, or just a friend being really nice. As far as I know, she could be just as terrible as me at working out if someone likes her in that way and her invites to the pub etc. where her way of trying to let me know. She's quite a TomBoy (she agrees) so maybe doesn't pick up on my attempts at flirting. One way to explicitly flirt is to graze her arm or something when you're talking. For instance when you ask her a question you can precede it by lightly touching her arm as if to get her attention. As time goes on touch her arm even more. As a woman, that has worked on me. Also, if you haven't already, you could ask her about past boyfriends or something to bring the attention to that possibility. |
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Post by rukryM on Dec 8, 2008 14:32:04 GMT -5
For instance when you ask her a question you can precede it by lightly touching her arm as if to get her attention. As time goes on touch her arm even more. As a woman, that has worked on me. Really? I thought that kind of behaviour was considered sort of offensive and that women/girls looked at it like the guy just wanted to get with her or something. So this is actually a positive thing to do {considered that the timing and mood and so on are correct}? |
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Post by deadendphilosopher on Dec 8, 2008 15:07:17 GMT -5
For instance when you ask her a question you can precede it by lightly touching her arm as if to get her attention. As time goes on touch her arm even more. As a woman, that has worked on me. Really? I thought that kind of behaviour was considered sort of offensive and that women/girls looked at it like the guy just wanted to get with her or something. So this is actually a positive thing to do {considered that the timing and mood and so on are correct}? I think so, as long as you don't go overboard. I think subtlety is the key - lightly and briefly grazing her arm with the tip of you fingers at appropriate points is sexy in my opinion. But it should be done so it looks like you're trying to get her attention, not like you're finding an excuse to touch her in a sexual way or be possessive or something. And of course you have to read the signals to see how she is responding. Some guys periodically rest their hand on a girl's arm when talking, and I find that obnoxious if clear interest hasn't been established on both sides. |
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Post by rukryM on Dec 8, 2008 15:24:53 GMT -5
Guess I learned a new flirting technique tonight, then  . I haven't tried it, but I imagine myself doing it and the girls takes me for being a rapist or something and screams for help {probably because I'm pretty clumsy}, however after some pints I might have the guts I need to execute this action. Reading the signals on when the coast is clear is another challenge, I don't ever think I'll be able to do it, so all I have to do is gamble^^. |
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Post by MrNice on Dec 8, 2008 16:14:31 GMT -5
its not considered offensive if the girl really has the hots for you, you can go way beyond that and it will not be considered offensive by her - because she would enjoy it. but if you asked a general question about it, it would be considered offensive of course since you have already known this girl for months, you are way beyond trying to do things like this - at this point you got to be very explicit YOU DO WANT TO GET WITH HER! HELLO!!! and if she wants to get with you - which you are hoping for - she would welcome your attention don't try to look at it as if she doesn't like you and you are somehow trying to con her into liking you and avoid any sort of signal that would actually show that you like her because it might spook her. If she likes you and she enjoys your company she will help you in your pursuit. If she doesn't then there is nothing you can do. if you say something and she laughs, you can touch her and follow up with another comment also watch this starting at 3:50 for about a minute www.youtube.com/watch?v=uKZaO7qXyTc&feature=relatedpay attention to the physical contact |
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Post by rukryM on Dec 8, 2008 16:28:16 GMT -5
YOU DO WANT TO GET WITH HER! HELLO!!! and if she wants to get with you - which you are hoping for - she would welcome your attention Yes, but explicitly showing her those sexist signals cannot be a good thing, can it? |
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Post by MrNice on Dec 8, 2008 16:32:22 GMT -5
of course it can - you just can't imagine that a girl would like you
when a girl likes you can do a lot of things that you can't do when she doesn't like you
what you consider sexist and offensive is actually playful and fun
of course you don't go all way at once
you start with light touches and flirting, if she responds well you can up the ante
if doesn't respond well then you stop
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Post by rukryM on Dec 8, 2008 16:34:31 GMT -5
what you consider sexist and offensive is actually playful and fun Let's hope so, however I will not believe that before I've tried it myself^^. |
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Post by Sweet Pea on Dec 8, 2008 18:41:01 GMT -5
what you consider sexist and offensive is actually playful and fun Let's hope so, however I will not believe that before I've tried it myself^^. and just exactly how long will we have to wait until hell freezes over? j/k ;D actually, i find this is something i automatically do when i really like a guy...reach out and touch him. it's not a studied move though, it's just a natural outgrowth of my feelings toward him. it's also a true signal of my openness toward him, because i'm very unlikely to ever touch a guy otherwise. |
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Post by reason on Dec 8, 2008 19:55:43 GMT -5
As with anything, there is always a line you can cross and that can be different for different people in different situations. I think DeadEnd is right and it seems some good advice. Quality clip from MrNice. Woody does what looks like pure text-book touch-flirting as far as I can tell now.
If I don't scramble my tiny brain with all these thoughts and ideas, we'll see in the coming days ;-)
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Post by nelo on Dec 8, 2008 21:17:28 GMT -5
Does it seem to anyone else that there is an excessive amount of mental work required just to start talking to someone? Something's wrong here...
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Post by Sweet Pea on Dec 9, 2008 1:12:41 GMT -5
Does it seem to anyone else that there is an excessive amount of mental work required just to start talking to someone? Something's wrong here... yep, that's what happens when you have to battle strong avoidant impulses just to talk to someone. it drains you of your psychic energy. |
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Post by reason on Dec 9, 2008 4:11:47 GMT -5
Does it seem to anyone else that there is an excessive amount of mental work required just to start talking to someone? Something's wrong here... yep, that's what happens when you have to battle strong avoidant impulses just to talk to someone. it drains you of your psychic energy. Tell me about it  My brain goes in to overdrive when having to speak to a stranger at the bus stop etc. |
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Post by rukryM on Dec 9, 2008 8:51:52 GMT -5
Let's hope so, however I will not believe that before I've tried it myself^^. and just exactly how long will we have to wait until hell freezes over? j/k ;D actually, i find this is something i automatically do when i really like a guy...reach out and touch him. it's not a studied move though, it's just a natural outgrowth of my feelings toward him. it's also a true signal of my openness toward him, because i'm very unlikely to ever touch a guy otherwise. Let's see, I have to find out a way of bringing Frosty the Snowman through the Gates of Hell first, and then we talk about physical flirting somehow . All of this touching talk seems so otherwordly and surreal, since it's never happened to me. Guess that's just me slowly and somehow emerging out of the nutshell^^. |
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. I haven't tried it, but I imagine myself doing it and the girls takes me for being a rapist or something and screams for help {probably because I'm pretty clumsy}, however after some pints I might have the guts I need to execute this action. Reading the signals on when the coast is clear is another challenge, I don't ever think I'll be able to do it, so all I have to do is gamble^^.
