|
|
Post by Sweet Pea on Apr 13, 2009 0:37:16 GMT -5
What do you most worry about with regards to the opposite sex, or get nervous about? Rejection. It affects much of what I do in life. I have two major tendencies that I do that protect me from the pain of rejection in anything. The first is self-sabotage, where I will subconsciously do something that’ll irk the other person. The second is find a reason not to like someone, this is generally easier since after one mistake form the other person I give up. These are simply excuses that I use to overcome pain and heartache of developing friendships and relationships. wow, this shows a lot of self-awareness, and bodes well for overcoming the tendencies. most people i know of who do these things are completely unaware that they are doing them. |
|
|
|
Post by bluetruth on Apr 13, 2009 0:49:15 GMT -5
What do you most worry about with regards to the opposite sex, or get nervous about? Rejection. It affects much of what I do in life. I have two major tendencies that I do that protect me from the pain of rejection in anything. The first is self-sabotage, where I will subconsciously do something that’ll irk the other person. The second is find a reason not to like someone, this is generally easier since after one mistake form the other person I give up. These are simply excuses that I use to overcome pain and heartache of developing friendships and relationships. wow, this shows a lot of self-awareness, and bodes well for overcoming the tendencies. most people i know of who do these things are completely unaware that they are doing them. Thanks... it took a while for me to understand why I do some of the things I do, it took about 2 hours on the phone with a friend to deduce all that while using a white board. There were a lot of pauses in the conversation because I sincerely don't know how to handle conversations very well. Though I still do the same things over and over again out of habit. |
|
|
|
Post by Sweet Pea on Apr 13, 2009 1:05:43 GMT -5
wow, this shows a lot of self-awareness, and bodes well for overcoming the tendencies. most people i know of who do these things are completely unaware that they are doing them. Thanks... it took a while for me to understand why I do some of the things I do, it took about 2 hours on the phone with a friend to deduce all that while using a white board. There were a lot of pauses in the conversation because I sincerely don't know how to handle conversations very well. Though I still do the same things over and over again out of habit. i'm curious, if you wouldn't mind sharing, what kinds of things you've done to 'irk' them, and what kinds of 'mistakes' they've made which you used as an excuse to write them off? |
|
|
|
Post by bluetruth on Apr 19, 2009 21:48:05 GMT -5
Thanks... it took a while for me to understand why I do some of the things I do, it took about 2 hours on the phone with a friend to deduce all that while using a white board. There were a lot of pauses in the conversation because I sincerely don't know how to handle conversations very well. Though I still do the same things over and over again out of habit. i'm curious, if you wouldn't mind sharing, what kinds of things you've done to 'irk' them, and what kinds of 'mistakes' they've made which you used as an excuse to write them off? So you know, I wasn't ignoring your question, I needed to find time to answer it. What I've come to the conclusion is that I self-sabotage or seek a reason to not like the person. If they're unreliable for a couple times (ie: they can't make a meet-up for whatever reason) then I immediately assume they're not interested. This is one way I find a reason to not like them. Another way is not responding to phone calls or IMs in a timely basis. There's usually a logical reason for why someone wouldn't, such as walking away without putting up an away message or leaving their cellphone behind - I do these things myself. I generally have a 3 chance policy though when coming up with a reason to not like someone. As far as Self-Sabotage, I can do anything from talking about another girl (I've done that 4x now) and apparently it comes off that the two of us either went out before or I'm more interested in her. Another way I do it is act "clingy" by calling on a regular basis (not usually daily, generally 2-3x a week) to get them "over the relationship" sooner because if they get out of the relationship in a short period of time then it reduces the heartache that is associated with a long term relationship ending... the few times I've done this it never worked, but I do consider it to be self-sabotage because of the reasoning I do it. Obviously, as the poor conversationalist that my friends and I acknowledge me to be one can't realistically expect me to talk on the phone for 1+ hours. Those are the most common ways I self-sabotage, and in my opinion seeking a reason to not like someone falls into the same category as self-sabotage. |
|
|
|
Post by Sweet Pea on Apr 19, 2009 22:39:37 GMT -5
i'm curious, if you wouldn't mind sharing, what kinds of things you've done to 'irk' them, and what kinds of 'mistakes' they've made which you used as an excuse to write them off? So you know, I wasn't ignoring your question, I needed to find time to answer it. What I've come to the conclusion is that I self-sabotage or seek a reason to not like the person. If they're unreliable for a couple times (ie: they can't make a meet-up for whatever reason) then I immediately assume they're not interested. This is one way I find a reason to not like them. Another way is not responding to phone calls or IMs in a timely basis. There's usually a logical reason for why someone wouldn't, such as walking away without putting up an away message or leaving their cellphone behind - I do these things myself. I generally have a 3 chance policy though when coming up with a reason to not like someone. As far as Self-Sabotage, I can do anything from talking about another girl (I've done that 4x now) and apparently it comes off that the two of us either went out before or I'm more interested in her. Another way I do it is act "clingy" by calling on a regular basis (not usually daily, generally 2-3x a week) to get them "over the relationship" sooner because if they get out of the relationship in a short period of time then it reduces the heartache that is associated with a long term relationship ending... the few times I've done this it never worked, but I do consider it to be self-sabotage because of the reasoning I do it. Obviously, as the poor conversationalist that my friends and I acknowledge me to be one can't realistically expect me to talk on the phone for 1+ hours. Those are the most common ways I self-sabotage, and in my opinion seeking a reason to not like someone falls into the same category as self-sabotage. i think i'd probably think the same things in most cases (that you mentioned that you do to find a reason to not like someone) ...not because i want a reason not to like them though, just cuz someone who doesn't always respond or is slow to respond gives me the feeling they're really aren't very interested...unless they give me a reason for it. and yeah...if a guy talks to me about another women during the 'getting to know you' phase, that's usually a clear signal of disinterest (except possibly for friendship). clinginess isn't a signal of disinterest, but if it preceded that time when you're both really into each other it can be a turnoff. so yeah, those things do sound like self-sabotage for sure. now...what are you doing to change this? now that you're aware you're doing it, do you plan to stop? or do you plan to convince yourself you hate all the women who attract you for all time? ;D |
|
