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Post by brightestdark on Feb 11, 2009 17:36:50 GMT -5
I was just wondering what the shy guys most get insecure or nervous about - especially related to females. Since it didn't work out with that local guy, I've started thinking about the shy guy I like that lives far away. I emailed him a couple of days ago but he hasn't replied.  Probably thinks I'm a pain in the ass - but he did send me a facebook add request the other week. I didn't want to add him first so it was a nice surprise to see that he sent me an add request.  So shy guys, what do you most worry about with regards to the opposite sex, or get nervous about? If say you're on facebook or myspace, do you worry about your page, like what's written on it? If a girl you like writes to you are you ever too shy to write back? Or do you always managed to reply? If a girl you like writes to you how does it make you feel? Do you worry about things you do in public? Do you feel uneasy when a girl you like is around? Are you more friendly and chatty to your male friends and just shy around people you don't know? Do you wish people took more time to try to get to know you, and tried to make conversation with you - or do you like being alone or as you are? What do you dislike about yourself? What do you think of your looks? Do you wish you look better? If a girl wrote and said 'I like your default pic' how would you feel? Would you think she was attracted to you or would you think she was just being friendly in a friend-type manner? If you were online and the girl you liked was online, what would you do? Would you try to write to her much or would you not? Would you just look at her page every so often? Or would you not even think about girls as more than friends because you are shy and haven't had relationships so don't want to get your hopes up and think you have no chance anyway? |
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Post by nelo on Feb 11, 2009 23:29:52 GMT -5
Not sure I could answer all those questions. If a girl were to write to me, I'd write back right away, but not a lot till I got to know her better. I'd feel a little odd and hesitant but I would write back. I feel anxiety in public, but I don't worry. I don't wish I looked any different...posture would probably help, though. I don't like being alone most of the time...usually, listening is okay...if I had to talk, I'd rather it be one on one. Otherwise, I know I'd be holding back something. Default pic: more friendly. If I liked a girl, I'd either look at her page semi-often or maybe save the picture. If I did think of another girl as more than a friend, I wouldn't let her know until she volunteered some kind of clue first showing she was attracted.
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Post by rukryM on Feb 12, 2009 20:17:51 GMT -5
So shy guys, what do you most worry about with regards to the opposite sex, or get nervous about? If say you're on facebook or myspace, do you worry about your page, like what's written on it? Mostly it's my personality and my {to others} weird interest that overall give others an impression of me being a really odd geek. And some of my, perhaps, "politically incorrect" views. All in all it's the psychological part I believe girls fear the most. To make it even more clear; my utter lack of social skills especially around girls make me boring and very shallow. Also I fear they'll see me as inferior to them because of what I'm interested in. Hence the fact that my Myspace and Facebook profiles are a bit "polished" but ever so 100% honest. If a girl you like writes to you are you ever too shy to write back? Or do you always managed to reply? If a girl you like writes to you how does it make you feel? Not at all too shy to write back, to just too shy to talk about myself and my personality, as written above. Makes me feel good and somewhat boosts my self-confidence a little if a girl writes to me with the intention of getting to knowing me better. But only for a limited amount of time, though. Do you worry about things you do in public? Do you feel uneasy when a girl you like is around? Are you more friendly and chatty to your male friends and just shy around people you don't know? Do you wish people took more time to try to get to know you, and tried to make conversation with you - or do you like being alone or as you are? Yes, yes, YES to ALL of your questions here, it's like you got to the core of my social issues. Afraid of making a fool out of myself in public, especially around girls since I'm afraid they'll think I'm daft, boring and useless and then walk away, laughing and scorning at me. I've got this phobia at an extreme level, and it has happened, it only caused me to withdraw further into my shell. Males and girls who I don't consider attractive are much easier to talk to since I don't feel this constant pressure of "behaving appropriately" around them in order not to come across as disgusting. I'd love to talk to an attractive girl about the whole thing but don't know how to do it or when^^. What do you dislike about yourself? What do you think of your looks? Do you wish you look better? If a girl wrote and said 'I like your default pic' how would you feel? Would you think she was attracted to you or would you think she was just being friendly in a friend-type manner? I think I look okay, not very attractive but not ugly either, I think I've got normal looks. It's not my physical parts I'm worried about, it's my psychological, like that I've written above. If a girl had commented my profile picture I'd think she did it just to be nice, though I don't have any body issues I still don't think I'm "attractive" in that way. If you were online and the girl you liked was online, what would you do? Would you try to write to her much or would you not? Would you just look at her page every so often? Or would you not even think about girls as more than friends because you are shy and haven't had relationships so don't want to get your hopes up and think you have no chance anyway? I'd write back to her and reply if that's what you meant. Contacting her on my own is too big a burden on my shoulders and too big a risk of suffering the tragic loss of rejection, scorn, humiliation and {probably} laughter that follow with the girl's likely behaviour. I'd probably go around in circles, cursing myself for not contacting her and just become more frustrated with the whole thing. I'd definitely consider a girl as a possible girlfriend {since I've already had a relationship which in the end failed, though} but I'd never imagine me and her together anyway since I'd think all the time that I wasn't good enough for her because of my psychological issues with myself written earlier in the post. Bleh, all of this actually made me more sad when thinking about it. Oh well^^. |
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Post by brightestdark on Feb 13, 2009 22:14:22 GMT -5
Thanks for answering those questions. Sorry for making you more sad, rukryM.
I have another question. Being shy, if you meet a shy girl, what do you think of her? If she was attractive, would you be more likely to try to make an effort knowing that she is probably too shy to make a move just like you? Or would you still be too worried about rejection to give her any signs?
Also, what subtle things could a girl say in an email to make you know that she did like you and that you wouldn't get rejected - but at the same time, wouldn't be too much just incase you weren't interested? I don't want to look like a fool with this shy guy. I wish I could get him to reach out to me rather than me doing all the work. If I got some signs from him I'd be more inclined to give him more signs back.
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Post by Sweet Pea on Feb 13, 2009 23:54:11 GMT -5
I don't want to look like a fool with this shy guy. if he's not worth making a bit of a fool of yourself for, he's prolly not worth it at all. excess of caution keeps you at home by yourself. but the same goes for guys too.  |
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Post by urbanspaceman on Feb 14, 2009 11:30:28 GMT -5
I have another question. Being shy, if you meet a shy girl, what do you think of her? If she was attractive, would you be more likely to try to make an effort knowing that she is probably too shy to make a move just like you? Or would you still be too worried about rejection to give her any signs? From my own experience I'd have to say it wouldn't really matter if the other person was shy or not. For various reasons I've been doing a lot better in social situations lately, pushing myself with people, and so the motivation to make an effort, if this were me, would be coming from how I am developing within myself. If that makes any sort of sense. It wouldn't be solely down to a girl being shy or not, as in the past my own crappiness would've gotten in the way regardless. I'd like to think I'd make a concerted effort to get to know the person whatever the circumstances really  The worry of rejection is a huge hurdle to get over and is a brick wall I keep running up against myself, but it seems to be one of those tricky buggers in life that is there to test yourself with how much you want something. Also, what subtle things could a girl say in an email to make you know that she did like you and that you wouldn't get rejected - but at the same time, wouldn't be too much just incase you weren't interested? I don't want to look like a fool with this shy guy. I wish I could get him to reach out to me rather than me doing all the work. If I got some signs from him I'd be more inclined to give him more signs back. I think the only thing you could say is just the obvious. That you like them, lol. The rejection and looking like a fool has to be part and parcel of it if you want something to happen. Subtlety doesn't seem to be the best thing to employ in such cases, but I'm only saying that as I'm a shy dude too. And also a dolt, lol. |
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Post by rukryM on Feb 14, 2009 13:29:56 GMT -5
Thanks for answering those questions. Sorry for making you more sad, rukryM. Nah, don't worry it was my own fault in that case. I always feel down when discussing this matter because of my own errors and experiences. Yet it's still so difficult no to do it. I have another question. Being shy, if you meet a shy girl, what do you think of her? If she was attractive, would you be more likely to try to make an effort knowing that she is probably too shy to make a move just like you? Or would you still be too worried about rejection to give her any signs? Maybe I'd be willing to sacrifice more of myself if she was very attractive than if she just was "normal" {yes, I know, very shallow and all that, but I'm a male. Besides I think EVERYONE would have done for for an attractive person than for a non-attractive one if they didn't know anything about their personality}. But in the end it would definitely have been the personality that would have made me make my decision. Still, I'd be worried about rejection as I always am. Not much to do about that except accepting that this is in general very hard. Also, what subtle things could a girl say in an email to make you know that she did like you and that you wouldn't get rejected - but at the same time, wouldn't be too much just incase you weren't interested? This is almost beyond difficult, nearly impossible to answer. Because I lack the fundamental social skills required to know this, but I'll take some honest guesses. If she said she liked me it would have made me believe she was onto me. But at the same time I would have thought how she liked me; as a friend or something more? For I tend to over analyse everything when it comes to things like these. If she'd been very nice to me and kind of tried to harmonise with me then I'd maybe get it myself. But actually I absolutely suck at reading subtle signs. Not to mention that I utterly detest it when girls do it since I always believe they're doing it to tease me and are really not interested in me in any way. It really does nothing but freak me out. Perhaps if I frequently saw that she was laughing at my jokes {or whenever I tried to be funny}, wanted to know more about me, wanted to know me deeper as a person and so on and then said she liked me, then I'd be more likely to get it, but my paranoia would as normal sort of hold me back and cause me to take things very slowly. I guess that depends on the person, so it's not sure that this bloke may behave like that. Probably he's not as complex as I am at times^^. |
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Post by brightestdark on Feb 15, 2009 0:40:19 GMT -5
The worry of rejection is a huge hurdle to get over and is a brick wall I keep running up against myself, but it seems to be one of those tricky buggers in life that is there to test yourself with how much you want something. Yeah, I know. There are other hurdles though, such as him living in a different country! I mean, if he lived near me then I probably wouldn't care so much. Also, I know a couple of his friends - and one in particular used to flirt with me years ago. I have a feeling that he knows this and maybe doesn't want to get too close to me because his friend used to like me. And I'm worried that if I did make it known to him that I liked him he would let his friends or others know, and if he doesn't like me I don't want it to be awkward. I do see him on occasion as he sometimes comes over here on business - or I have visited his city/country. His friend talks to me more than he does as his friend is more outgoing. But I can't mention him to his friend because his friend used to like me - and possibly still does (even though he has a girl!). It's complicated... I could really do with him coming over here and talking to him more but I don't know when he's next gonna be here. rukryM - yeah, I did think he may think I am teasing him or not serious in liking him. It is weird because I knew him a couple of years before I decided I liked him. His friend used to always talk to me and was so outgoing and chatty that I barely spoke to the shy guy. It was only later that I ended up hearing and realising that he was shy and then I was like 'awww, that's so cute!' - and then I ended up thinking about him more. I tried to make an effort to speak to him more after that, but I don't know... As I said, he's always nice when we meet and smiles and has given me hugs, but he is not good at replying to emails. I feel paranoid that he thinks I'm a pain in the ass because he hasn't replied and the last time I was in his city I wrote and suggested we met up and he ignored me and didn't reply. I don't want to keep running after him if he's not interested - but on the other hand, I really think we'd be great together if we got to know each other better, and honestly, he's been single forever and I think I'm fairly cute, so I don't understand why he wouldn't want to hang out with me. Maybe he really got hurt by a girl and is so shy he just doesn't want to get to know any females... I don't know... |
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Post by acohn13 on Feb 20, 2009 5:59:49 GMT -5
So shy guys, what do you most worry about with regards to the opposite sex, or get nervous about? Hehehe a lot. its hella stupid, but more or less everything from personality, to not being good enough, boring her, tieing her down, hurting her, not looking ok etc etc etc
oo yea, personal experience- asked a girl out, she started laughing. hard. to the point of not being able to breath. when she realized that it was a serious question, she more said "why would anyone ever waste time with a retard like you?" (cleaned up and edited down). then she kicked. in the nuts.
If say you're on facebook or myspace, do you worry about your page, like what's written on it? Not Particularly
If a girl you like writes to you are you ever too shy to write back? rarely
Or do you always managed to reply? Most often, just takes a little while
If a girl you like writes to you how does it make you feel? good, uneasy, and completly confused
Do you worry about things you do in public? yes
Do you feel uneasy when a girl you like is around? more like sick
Are you more friendly and chatty to your male friends and just shy around people you don't know? yup
Do you wish people took more time to try to get to know you, and tried to make conversation with you - or do you like being alone or as you are? option a
What do you dislike about yourself? everything
What do you think of your looks? no way in hell does this look good
Do you wish you look better? yes
if a girl wrote and said 'I like your default pic' how would you feel? confused, sick
Would you think she was attracted to you or would you think she was just being friendly in a friend-type manner? kind of b, but more of the shes only being nice because she feels sorry, and is looking for the first chance to leave with someone better
If you were online and the girl you liked was online, what would you do? nothing unless we been talking for a while
Would you try to write to her much or would you not? no, don't want to annoy her
Would you just look at her page every so often? yea
Or would you not even think about girls as more than friends because you are shy and haven't had relationships so don't want to get your hopes up and think you have no chance anyway?
Still have a hope that its possible to have a relationship, but realistically know, that the outlook is grim
does that help?
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Post by nelo on Feb 20, 2009 11:46:35 GMT -5
I know people in high school can be overwhelmed with stupidity but kicking you in the nuts for asking a question? After a while I just stop caring then...thought I'd wait till college or something but nothing has changed, really.
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Post by texaspete on Feb 23, 2009 17:07:45 GMT -5
im ok on facebook with someone i like, even if im with a group of people i can flirt a lot, but one on one with a crush and i fall to pieces. im nervous, run out of coversation, struggle with eye contact
its not just with a girl i like, im like that with people in general. one on one talking about myself is so painful. im ashamed of myself.
with people in general i can be aggressive but it just hides my shyness. i would love to let my feelings go but i dont trust anyone, family or friends
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Post by brightestdark on Feb 28, 2009 20:05:52 GMT -5
Thanks for your answers. Acohn13 - why do you feel confused and sick if a girl says she likes your pic online? Wouldn't that make you feel good? - I mean, if she was cute? That sucks about your experience with the girl. But we're not all like she is.
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tavil
New Member
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Post by tavil on Feb 28, 2009 20:29:23 GMT -5
I've always had trouble even talking to women. I don't know why. I just lock up.
Then they usually laugh at me and walk away leaving me red faced and shaking.
I just cant deal with girls.
I think subconsciously im afraid they'll reject me. My mind cant think of what to say to keep them from rejecting me so it just crashes.
Its held me back from ever going on a date my near 25 years now.
Ive been to counselors about it but their no help.
But lately ive been getting used to it. My parents dont pressure me anymore to find someone since my sister got married and had a kid. So i dont think they care anymore if i get over this.
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Post by acohn13 on Mar 1, 2009 20:09:58 GMT -5
Brightestdark- don't doubt that most of you are actucally awesome people : D
however, life has been pretty much based on hate and violence. kind of wonder why anyone would say something like that. goes against everything that has been said in the past 12 years.
It's fucked up, but been working on it : /
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Post by rukryM on Mar 2, 2009 15:19:58 GMT -5
why do you feel confused and sick if a girl says she likes your pic online? Wouldn't that make you feel good? Though I wasn't the one asked about this I may still answer since it applies for me too. Confused and sick because I can't believe she's serious, and because I feel I let her down or fool her. Hence, she'll reject me in scorn and disappointment when she gets close enough to the real me^^. |
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Probably thinks I'm a pain in the ass - but he did send me a facebook add request the other week. I didn't want to add him first so it was a nice surprise to see that he sent me an add request. 
