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Post by putter65 on May 16, 2011 8:52:13 GMT -5
fully expecting her not to turn up. And not bother to let me know. I feel like this before all meetings. I guess that will be it if that happens.
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Post by putter65 on May 17, 2011 8:16:31 GMT -5
Had a great time, played golf and then had coffee afterwards. She said she wants to play again.
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Post by putter65 on May 18, 2011 8:52:31 GMT -5
So how long do I wait until asking her again ?
Next month ?
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Post by missklew on May 18, 2011 9:55:20 GMT -5
So how long do I wait until asking her again ? Next month ? Do you want to date her?
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Post by putter65 on May 18, 2011 10:30:25 GMT -5
Obviously the answer is 'yes' but I think if I asked her she wouldn't be pleased. And our 'friendship' would be over. Yesterday she mentioned playing golf again, seemed real keen on that. But that's just friends isn't it ? She never mentioned anything else. I think if she wanted anything else she would have said something.
My brother said 'you've got to be able to read the signals' - I just didn't see any yesterday. Nothing blantant anyway. She kept she how much she was enjoying the golf and I said, shall we do this again ?' - she said 'yes' - and then when we parted she said,' we'll play again real soon'
So I want to keep this friendship going, I don't really want to go 2 months without seeing her again.
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Post by missklew on May 18, 2011 17:50:18 GMT -5
Obviously the answer is 'yes' but I think if I asked her she wouldn't be pleased. And our 'friendship' would be over. Yesterday she mentioned playing golf again, seemed real keen on that. But that's just friends isn't it ? She never mentioned anything else. I think if she wanted anything else she would have said something. My brother said 'you've got to be able to read the signals' - I just didn't see any yesterday. Nothing blantant anyway. She kept she how much she was enjoying the golf and I said, shall we do this again ?' - she said 'yes' - and then when we parted she said,' we'll play again real soon' So I want to keep this friendship going, I don't really want to go 2 months without seeing her again. I don't think you can have it both ways. You are either content with having her only as a friend and nothing else or you aren't. This is the problem with trying to get in through the friendship route. It nearly never works. A girl will friend zone you and that is it. No chance with romance with them forever and you end up wasting huge amounts of time on someone who doesn't return your affections. Seriously, I think you should work on finding dates with other girls and not put so much mental energy into this girl. Are you asking any other girls out for dates?
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Post by ura on May 18, 2011 19:50:29 GMT -5
Obviously the answer is 'yes' but I think if I asked her she wouldn't be pleased. And our 'friendship' would be over. Yesterday she mentioned playing golf again, seemed real keen on that. But that's just friends isn't it ? She never mentioned anything else. I think if she wanted anything else she would have said something. My brother said 'you've got to be able to read the signals' - I just didn't see any yesterday. Nothing blantant anyway. She kept she how much she was enjoying the golf and I said, shall we do this again ?' - she said 'yes' - and then when we parted she said,' we'll play again real soon' So I want to keep this friendship going, I don't really want to go 2 months without seeing her again. I don't think you can have it both ways. You are either content with having her only as a friend and nothing else or you aren't. This is the problem with trying to get in through the friendship route. It nearly never works. A girl will friend zone you and that is it. No chance with romance with them forever and you end up wasting huge amounts of time on someone who doesn't return your affections. Seriously, I think you should work on finding dates with other girls and not put so much mental energy into this girl. Are you asking any other girls out for dates? I agree completely with Missklew and think she hit the nail on the head. You seem like you really like her and deep down are not content with just being a friend her so I think you really should just ask her out on a date. If she says no then move onto other women (and if advice I have seen online is anything to go by just cut her out of your life).
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Post by putter65 on May 19, 2011 1:26:02 GMT -5
People on other forums have been saying the same thing.
They are probably right.
I think I am a bit scared of her reaction. I'm 42, nearly 43 and I have had a girlfriend for 3 weeks about 15 years ago. Women don't like me much. That's not me been down on myself. It's just a realistic assessment of things. Women who want to spend time with me don't come around often. There are other women I like but none of them ever suggest anything. The advice, 'go and meet another woman' - yes it might work with other men but not so much me.
It's great I've got this little friendship going with this woman and hopefully it will continue. I'm not ignoring every other woman, they just don't show any interest. I would like to have more friends but it never happens. I will keep looking though but I'm not prepared to cut this woman out of my life.
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Post by putter65 on May 19, 2011 1:29:04 GMT -5
Oh and I don't ask women out, I've just got this big problem with this and I find it really difficult. The golf lady mentioned playing about 4 times before I had the courage to ask her and try and arrange something.
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Post by missklew on May 19, 2011 6:11:36 GMT -5
If you know you have these problems and they aren't getting resolved and they impact your life in a negative way, then why not get counselling to help you with this?
What are you expecting to happen if you don't get some help?
Being nearly 43 years old being stuck like this is exactly a good reason to get some help.
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Post by putter65 on May 19, 2011 10:09:41 GMT -5
Hi
That's what the people on the other forum suggested; counselling. They also said I 'hated myself' - I don't at all. I like myself very much. I was looking at a local 'life coach' but the price put me off a bit. I did speak to her though, just a everyday chat when she came into my work.
I guess the only way I would ever find a girlfriend is if she asked me out. I think that does happen to some men.
Everything is cool with this woman, I'm enjoying it. It's just the crappy gossip at work that gets on my nerves.
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Post by ura on May 19, 2011 13:38:49 GMT -5
I guess the only way I would ever find a girlfriend is if she asked me out. I think that does happen to some men. Everything is cool with this woman, I'm enjoying it. It's just the crappy gossip at work that gets on my nerves. It rarely happens though, say what you want about society but generally it's up to the man to ask the woman out and you will have to get the courage up to ask her out.
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Post by putter65 on May 19, 2011 14:46:02 GMT -5
I already did at xmas. I asked her to the pictures, She said, 'no' she had just met somebody. That's why I was surprized when she asked if she could come with me to golf. There isn't much difference, it's still just me and her. And then we go again this week and have a coffee afterwards. She definately seemed to want to go again as well.
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Post by Outcast on May 21, 2011 10:00:28 GMT -5
Sometimes i feel awkward going out alone with a girl. Maybe i'm just not used to having a girl as a friend, so sometimes when i do meet/go out with a girl alone, this feeling like that it's some kind of date would creep in.
If you like her company and content to being just friends, i think it's ok for the both of you to go out together. But when spending time with her makes you feel miserable because you want to be more than friends with her, i don't know.
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Post by putter65 on May 22, 2011 14:15:10 GMT -5
I worry like hell before hand but when I get there I feel okay. I have no problems, I feel calm and confident, not nervous at all.
I'm not that miserable at the moment. I've not heard from her but I was kind of expecting it. She must see me as somebody to see every now and again. A casual friend. It's better than nothing I suppose.
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