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Post by Slinky on Jun 2, 2016 8:33:53 GMT -5
You did very well to even attempt these things marle. I fear I would've just hidden away and avoided any social contact, especially recently, so you should feel good that you did this.
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Post by billd1 on Aug 25, 2016 11:59:54 GMT -5
Slinky is a word that I have always liked, and as I user name for the message board, I also like it.
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Post by billd1 on Aug 26, 2016 9:57:12 GMT -5
Marle, I have so far read Page 1 of this thread, and plan to read the rest of it. I have a lot of catching up to do, having been virtually inactive here for some time.
I am impressed how long both you and Scotty have stuck with the board, with both of you having posts going back to 2011, only two years after I joined.
Although you do claim to have a problem with shyness, from the very first page, I was very impressed that you were and are able to get a good job.
On the first page, you discuss constantly re-living the past, as if it were still taking place today.
I have often had this feeling myself.
One definition of Time is "what keeps everything from happening all at once."
I kind of thought of my entire life as "now," with the past and present just markers on where I am in "now."
I later found that some philosophy, I forget the name of it, teaches "the Eternal Now."
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Post by marle on Aug 28, 2016 16:07:29 GMT -5
billd1, Regarding time, it's interesting to note that from a physics (Relativity) standpoint, there is no universal "present." This and the fact that space and time are now considered "spacetime" and not two separate entities, does make you wonder from a physics standpoint if all of time exists like space. The Wikipedia page on Eternalism talks about this. The problem though, is that applying this to the future seems to imply determinism. As fatalistic as I sometimes sound, I don't really believe that all future is pre-determined. But from a personal standpoint, I feel like much of my own future can be predicted, so it feels more real to me. I think Scotty has been here much longer, though? But it does still feel I've been here for awhile. I was going through significant life changes when I started posting in 2011. My grandparents had just passed away. I had moved to a different state and started a new job. It wasn't the first time I've lived on my own but it was the first time I was paying all my bills. I don't take having a "good job" lightly and I feel very grateful to have a job that I don't hate, feels secure and pays the bills. I occasionally get positive feedback at work, and I feel like it's one of the few (or only?) bright spots in my life. The getting a job part has never seemed easy - the interviews always feel very awkward. And I think I applied to about 200 places over the course of 4-5 months before finding my current job. Thinking about that makes me want to hold on to this job even more.
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Post by billd1 on Aug 29, 2016 11:14:27 GMT -5
Thanks for the reply, marle. While there is more to life than just money, having an income and money can ease some of the sufferings we all have in life whether we suffer from shyness or not. And, the more money a person has, the more they can ease the suffereings, wehras those with less money won't be able to have their sufferings eased at all.
I am still hopeful that I can find a job, or additional jobs to the one I am now working at, so that I can pay all of my living expenses.
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Post by billd1 on Sept 2, 2016 13:59:42 GMT -5
It's been 5 years since I've had alcohol. When I quit, at the time I didn't mark down the date . . . 5 years, and I have no reason to go back. Marle, I have now read three pages of your diary. Unlike you, I did and still do mark down the dates and times of when I use alcohol. I have started a thread, of my Drinking Diary, and I hope it will be of use to someone here on the board. I think you probably drank too much alcohol, too often, which I did for only a few years and then rigidly kept my drinking down to only 2 drinks a day, and often abstained from alcohol altogether, once for five years. To anyone on the board, I'll ask the question: Do you think it would be beneficial to any board members if I did continue to post entries from my Drinking Diary?
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Post by billd1 on Sept 8, 2016 10:58:22 GMT -5
Marle, I have now read thru page 5 of your diary, and still have page six to read.
I'm glad that you gave up alcohol, and (so far) have been satisfied with your two room mates.
I am also glad that you have a good job, and are successful working at it.
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Post by marle on Sept 8, 2016 19:04:17 GMT -5
billd1, Thanks for reading through and for your comments. I went back and read through most of the thread. I cringed a bit at some of my writing. Mostly from a grammar/style standpoint. I also sound a bit odd at times. I guess it shows my desire to express myself was strong enough that I was willing to post despite those issues with my writing. I had actually forgotten how I disliked my job in the beginning. I still have the same job that I talked about at the start of my diary. Although not perfect, it has slowly come along to be better and more relevant to my skills. Still alcohol-free and in no danger of going back. I don't think I could ever moderate my consumption to one or two drinks - I always felt let down after the high wore off, which is what kept me drinking more and more. Never tried a diary system, but I guess we'll never know (not going back at this point!). It's great that you found success with that and maybe it would work for others. The roommate experiences are more recent, but it's still a little striking to me how eager I sound in my writing. Especially with the first roommate - it was a completely new experience so I felt more emotional investment. I am on roommate #4 now, and it's working out very well so far. I may write more about it later. Honestly, I'm starting to feel paranoid writing about some people in my life in the unlikely event they'll come across my posts (even if it's only positive stuff). Again, thanks for making it through all that, even if some of it makes me cringe!
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Post by marle on Mar 16, 2019 9:46:52 GMT -5
I've come back to this thread just to write a quick post, since it's been 10 years since I've had a drink - and I've written on that topic here before. It's been 5 years ... I have no reason to go back. I feel the same way now. It's probably not necessary for me to keep marking the anniversaries at this point. You can assume that in another 10 years I will still not be drinking. It would take pretty extraordinary circumstances for me to go back - if I don't mention anything, you can assume I'm not. Quick update on the roommates - Roommate #4 left. I felt like it was a positive experience. I said I wasn't comfortable writing about in an open forum, but since they're gone, I might talk a little more about it someday. The current roommate (#5) is also going well, and it's even better in many ways than the previous. I can actually say that my roommate right now is a friend.
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