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Post by Bodhi on Feb 15, 2008 22:17:00 GMT -5
I've read the 'how can I meet a woman' post and was very dissapointed that is just became a pointless argument with no real advice. So I'm starting a thread where people can give actual advice on getting a girlfriend or a boyfriend. .... Please post if anyone has advice. And PLEASE don't argue with each other! Good intentions go to waste again. |
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Post by MrNice on Feb 15, 2008 22:18:39 GMT -5
I think you got it all wrong
if you take a couple at random, most likely the people in it will be symmetrically good looking
it is less likely that they are not symmetrically good looking
I hope this makes sense to you
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Post by phoenixferret on Feb 15, 2008 22:19:40 GMT -5
I've read the 'how can I meet a woman' post and was very dissapointed that is just became a pointless argument with no real advice. So I'm starting a thread where people can give actual advice on getting a girlfriend or a boyfriend. .... Please post if anyone has advice. And PLEASE don't argue with each other! Good intentions go to waste again. Well you did get some good advice in the beginning, no? Have you tried anything since you first posted? |
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Post by annaa on Feb 15, 2008 22:22:27 GMT -5
...I don't think the pedophile/homosexual/narcissist remarks are fair at all. Edit: I guess you've addressed this for the most part, but it's still worth bearing in mind that liking small or thin girls doesn't automatically make a guy sick...  That's true; a guy is not sick if he likes a girl who is naturally thin (she has a quick metabolism/very active lifestyle). But what i'm talking about is unnaturally thin - size "0".. the sort of size girls punish themselves to be... I think in that case it could possibly be a smokescreen if a guy deliberately dates a woman like that. ...I don't think its disgusting (up to a point) - but my own preferences are on the petite side... ... Suddenly you've changed your tone from "the issue is really simple - extra weight is not attractive" and guys who go out with overweight girls are "settling". Once again you ignore everything I address to you. Do you have a problem with me? 
I've read the 'how can I meet a woman' post and was very dissapointed that is just became a pointless argument with no real advice. So I'm starting a thread where people can give actual advice on getting a girlfriend or a boyfriend. .... Please post if anyone has advice. And PLEASE don't argue with each other! Good intentions go to waste again. A forum; a public meeting or lecture involving audience discussion . Don't like it - write to an agony aunt. |
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Post by Bodhi on Feb 15, 2008 22:24:00 GMT -5
Good intentions go to waste again. Well you did get some good advice in the beginning, no? Have you tried anything since you first posted? True, it was good advice for awhile. I haven't tried anything, mostly because I just don't really know anyone i feel strongly enough about to try and start things with. There are some girls at school I kind of like, but nothing really strong. No one thats keeping me up at night. |
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Post by MrNice on Feb 15, 2008 22:26:43 GMT -5
like saying that I am acting like a total asshole or spewing out bullshit? I'd rather not answer, cause it will make you upset.
it is really simple
if you take the same exact girl, extra weight will likely make her less attractive
and I am not talking about some obsession - just keeping a good shape
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Post by MrNice on Feb 15, 2008 22:29:02 GMT -5
you don't need to feel strongly to flirt
in fact you should avoid feeling strongly before you are trying to flirt because as that article said you MOST LIKELY NOTHING WILL HAPPEN
in fact you should avoid feeling strongly before you flirt because if you feel strongly it will put pressure on you and all you will be able to do is ask boring questions.
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Post by phoenixferret on Feb 15, 2008 22:30:47 GMT -5
I think you got it all wrong if you take a couple at random, most likely the people in it will be symmetrically good looking it is less likely that they are not symmetrically good looking I hope this makes sense to you Far and away most people are relatively symmetrical and averagely attractive. That is the average person. Most people are not obese or particularly strange looking, so... yeah, the average person in a relationship is going to be the average person. And yes, very astute of you to figure out that overweight and deformed people have more trouble finding real relationships! I hope you realize you don't have an argument. You're just spouting random assertions. it is really simple if you take the same exact girl, extra weight will likely make her less attractive and I am not talking about some obsession - just keeping a good shape Uh, it depends on the girl, and it depends on the guy looking. And you still aren't making sense. [Maybe a mod can separate out the argument into a different thread? I dunno how easy or difficult that would be.] |
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Post by annaa on Feb 15, 2008 22:35:12 GMT -5
like saying that I am acting like a total asshole or spewing out bullshit? I'd rather not answer, cause it will make you upset. it is really simple if you take the same exact girl, extra weight will likely make her less attractive and I am not talking about some obsession - just keeping a good shape You've already made me upset - go for it. A lot of what you post does hurt to be honest, but if I said "You've really hurt my feelings" I don't that i'd get an apology from you.. Besides, can you not see that the things i've said were provoked? Extra weight may make her less attractive if all she was good for in the first place was all to do with the physical. (A "good shape" once again is debatable - i'm not going to go around in circles here). How about this for a question, and this is open to any guy.. You're given a choice of two girls... #1 has a 'great body'. The type of girl your friends will ask "Where did you find her?" when they see you two together. She's a total bitch though - she doesn't understand shyness, other people tell you she's trouble and she only ever calls you if she wants something. Or there's #2. A real sweetheart that shows you affection, genuinely cares about you and is liked by everyone she meets. One snag though - she's quite overweight. Who do you choose? |
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Post by MrNice on Feb 15, 2008 22:38:06 GMT -5
I would chose neither
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Post by annaa on Feb 15, 2008 22:43:54 GMT -5
You're right - there is only those choices in a guys life.
Girls with great figures don't need to be "nice" - their bodies mean that there will always be men that want them.
Girls with bad bodies need to work extra hard on their personality to try to get a date.
And you were very honest to say you'd choose neither. You're single, aren't you?
Do you think if I handled this situation differently you'd have apologised for upsetting me? Or are you just not that type of guy that says sorry? I'd really like to know whether my worry now that i'm not liked by someone is justified.
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Post by lennythegiant on Feb 15, 2008 22:47:06 GMT -5
people are capable of anything but we have to look at the average situation What exactly is the average situation? Relationships come in all shapes and sizes (no pun intended). Nobody's perfect. Society has its ideals of what is good looking, and it's cliche to say that they are impossible to reach, but it's true. I don't think I'm a hideous C.H.U.D. or something (Clerks 2, good movie btw), but at the same time, I know I have things about me that are less than ideally attractive. I'm a little overweight, I sweat a lot, and as far as hair goes I'd certainly look like Chewbacca next to a male model. I used to take whatever flaws I had and really dwelled on them, thinking they would keep me from being attractive to a girl. Then I met a female friend who talked to me about the whole relationship subject, and talked to me as if I could actually have a girlfriend sometime if I tried. That was a major factor in me getting my confidence back. You won't be everyone's cup of tea. I've had friends who will say that a girl is "average", and I will wonder if they need to have their eyes checked. I've had friends who find girls attractive that I really didn't. Everyone has their tastes. "Average" people have their physical flaws. It doesn't mean they can't be attractive to someone, otherwise a hell of a lot more of the population would be single. |
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Post by MrNice on Feb 15, 2008 22:51:49 GMT -5
don't worry
I like you
I just don't agree (and sometimes completely disagree) with many things you say
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Post by annaa on Feb 15, 2008 22:54:45 GMT -5
don't worry I like you I just don't agree (and sometimes completely disagree) with many things you say Great - no need for me to get into a social anxiety panic.. *Though I don't actually know what parts you disagree with. Just the abusive bits (i.e. asshole/porn thing/spewing bullshit) or some of my carefully crafted arguements? If this were offline, I wouldn't even be talking to you anyway. Don't know why i'm giving it so much thought. 
At the end of the day, what you have to remember is this. ShyUnited is a place where people go who, admittedly, are not very confident and are somewhat fragile. While it's excellent to have discussions - people can be easily hurt.. Believe it or not, i'm one of them. I feel I have to stand up for myself when I read something that upsets me ("extra weight is not attractive" I believe was the initial statement) because if I don't, i'll internalise it all and will end up feeling more upset than in the first place. Perhaps my method of standing up for myself isn't great... but it's just something i've started doing. So there. |
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Post by strawberrysweetie on Feb 15, 2008 23:12:08 GMT -5
At the end of the day, what you have to remember is this. ShyUnited is a place where people go who, admittedly, are not very confident and are somewhat fragile. While it's excellent to have discussions - people can be easily hurt.. Believe it or not, i'm one of them. I feel I have to stand up for myself when I read something that upsets me ("extra weight is not attractive" I believe was the initial statement) because if I don't, i'll internalise it all and will end up feeling more upset than in the first place. Perhaps my method of standing up for myself isn't great... but it's just something i've started doing. So there. Anna...I think it's great that you spoke up against that statement. By expressing your feelings on the topic, you may potentially be speaking up for others, as well---those who may not have the courage to say something. There may be "lurkers" here who become depressed reading what was said...but seeing someone speak up about it may just make their day. But anyway, I'm glad you were able to speak up for yourself. |
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