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Post by theinfiniteabyss84 on Feb 15, 2008 23:20:39 GMT -5
At the end of the day, what you have to remember is this. ShyUnited is a place where people go who, admittedly, are not very confident and are somewhat fragile. While it's excellent to have discussions - people can be easily hurt.. Believe it or not, i'm one of them. I feel I have to stand up for myself when I read something that upsets me ("extra weight is not attractive" I believe was the initial statement) because if I don't, i'll internalise it all and will end up feeling more upset than in the first place. Perhaps my method of standing up for myself isn't great... but it's just something i've started doing. So there. Anna...I think it's great that you spoke up against that statement. By expressing your feelings on the topic, you may potentially be speaking up for others, as well---those who may not have the courage to say something. There may be "lurkers" here who become depressed reading what was said...but seeing someone speak up about it may just make their day. But anyway, I'm glad you were able to speak up for yourself.  Agreed! I never know what to say in these threads really but I agree with what you say Anna. And Phoenixy. I think I can safely say that most of us disagree with many things you say.  |
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Post by phoenixferret on Feb 15, 2008 23:22:41 GMT -5
like saying that I am acting like a total asshole or spewing out bullshit? I'd rather not answer, cause it will make you upset. it is really simple if you take the same exact girl, extra weight will likely make her less attractive and I am not talking about some obsession - just keeping a good shape You've already made me upset - go for it. A lot of what you post does hurt to be honest, but if I said "You've really hurt my feelings" I don't that i'd get an apology from you.. Besides, can you not see that the things i've said were provoked? Extra weight may make her less attractive if all she was good for in the first place was all to do with the physical. (A "good shape" once again is debatable - i'm not going to go around in circles here). How about this for a question, and this is open to any guy.. You're given a choice of two girls... #1 has a 'great body'. The type of girl your friends will ask "Where did you find her?" when they see you two together. She's a total bitch though - she doesn't understand shyness, other people tell you she's trouble and she only ever calls you if she wants something. Or there's #2. A real sweetheart that shows you affection, genuinely cares about you and is liked by everyone she meets. One snag though - she's quite overweight. Who do you choose? I don't think that's fair, either, though. I wouldn't go for either a jerky fit guy or a really overweight sweet guy, myself. But just because one individual or even *many* individuals don't find a person attractive doesn't mean that no one will. As SP mentioned, most people are unattractive to plenty of people for one reason or another, anyway. People who are overweight narrow their dating pool, but that doesn't make them undateable or unworthy of a relationship, and it doesn't mean they should give up and stop trying out of shame. people are capable of anything but we have to look at the average situation What exactly is the average situation? Relationships come in all shapes and sizes (no pun intended). Nobody's perfect. Society has its ideals of what is good looking, and it's cliche to say that they are impossible to reach, but it's true. I don't think I'm a hideous C.H.U.D. or something (Clerks 2, good movie btw), but at the same time, I know I have things about me that are less than ideally attractive. I'm a little overweight, I sweat a lot, and as far as hair goes I'd certainly look like Chewbacca next to a male model. I used to take whatever flaws I had and really dwelled on them, thinking they would keep me from being attractive to a girl. Then I met a female friend who talked to me about the whole relationship subject, and talked to me as if I could actually have a girlfriend sometime if I tried. That was a major factor in me getting my confidence back. You won't be everyone's cup of tea. I've had friends who will say that a girl is "average", and I will wonder if they need to have their eyes checked. I've had friends who find girls attractive that I really didn't. Everyone has their tastes. "Average" people have their physical flaws. It doesn't mean they can't be attractive to someone, otherwise a hell of a lot more of the population would be single. I whole-heartedly agree! |
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Post by MrNice on Feb 15, 2008 23:26:01 GMT -5
no it doesn't - not at all - but my whole point is that getting in shape is also a great possibility
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Post by phoenixferret on Feb 15, 2008 23:31:30 GMT -5
no it doesn't - not at all - but my whole point is that getting in shape is also a great possibility Because overweight people have no clue that being in shape and having a more ideal body would help their chances. Genius! If only they'd thought of that before they decided to be fat! |
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Post by strawberrysweetie on Feb 15, 2008 23:34:17 GMT -5
no it doesn't - not at all - but my whole point is that getting in shape is also a great possibility LOL...I see you deleted that last statement that was on there...nice move. I was going to comment that you just don't know when to stop. |
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Post by annaa on Feb 15, 2008 23:36:04 GMT -5
Strawberry and IA - you've just made my day by saying that.  Pheonix - you do make a point. Yes, possibilities are narrowed - but not completely non-existant. I mustn't lose sight of that. Yes 'MrNice' - I agree with what you said - getting in shape is a great possibility.. but as I said - people have all sorts barriers that stop them from doing that. |
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Post by MrNice on Feb 15, 2008 23:37:18 GMT -5
help their chances? as in make them more attractive?
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Post by phoenixferret on Feb 15, 2008 23:38:33 GMT -5
help their chances? as in make them more attractive? Help their chances... of getting into a relationship? Make them attractive... to a larger pool of people? Anything else you're having trouble understanding? |
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Post by MrNice on Feb 15, 2008 23:42:04 GMT -5
I understand perfectly
it seems that you actually agree with me on my main point - because its common sense - although its tough to admit
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Post by annaa on Feb 15, 2008 23:43:07 GMT -5
I understand perfectly it seems that you actually agree with me on my main point - because its common sense - although its tough to admit Tough on poor souls like myself. |
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Post by phoenixferret on Feb 15, 2008 23:45:40 GMT -5
I understand perfectly it seems that you actually agree with me on my main point - because its common sense - although its tough to admit WTF. That's not what you've been saying--or if you claim that it is, you've simply done a very poor job of articulating it. And it's not "tough to admit" that being overweight narrows the pool of people who will find an individual attractive. You blatantly said that a guy cannot be happy with an overweight woman. So try again. |
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Post by MrNice on Feb 15, 2008 23:48:01 GMT -5
well I am glad that you found a good way to articulate it
thats not what I said
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Post by theinfiniteabyss84 on Feb 15, 2008 23:49:55 GMT -5
I understand perfectly it seems that you actually agree with me on my main point - because its common sense - although its tough to admit Tough on poor souls like myself. Anna! Stop that this minute! Don't let lsdima make you feel bad about yourself! Not everyone has the same mindset as he does! I know when I read these posts I have a grim look upon guys in general...but then I have to tell myself not all guys are like this. Oh, and I wasn't yelling at you ;D |
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Post by phoenixferret on Feb 15, 2008 23:54:12 GMT -5
You did. Let's review. because he doesn't really like her - if he is aware of the fact that he is 'settling' its not going to be a good relationship I suppose you were being ironic, huh? |
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Post by MrNice on Feb 15, 2008 23:55:38 GMT -5
because he doesn't really like her - if he is aware of the fact that he is 'settling' its not going to be a good relationship
a guy cannot be happy with an overweight woman
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I just don't see how these two are the same
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