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Post by k151 on Oct 25, 2006 23:30:43 GMT -5
What on earth has adultery got to do with anything? This thread is about two single adults having sex while being friends. My post was about why you have insulted and upset me. If you don't want to talk to me about that then fine. I would ask you though not to insult me further by trying to steer the conversation onto something completely unrelated. If sex has as much value as a handshake, surely shaking someone elses "hand" while in a relationship is okay? I'm having some difficulty understanding what sex means to you, if anything. It's something I reserve for someone I care about. I think that makes it something special. I'm unsure as to how exactly I've insulted you. Maybe I've labelled people who screw around to be whores, but I do believe that's the definition of a whore  Nearly anything people say san be considered insulting. If I posted saying "I hate nazis!!!!", I would be insulting nazi sympathisers (there are quite a few shy nazis on ASS). I forget the law, but one guy said "the longer a thread (particularly a heated one) goes on, the probability of the Nazis being mentioned approaches 1" This thread hit it in 3 pages, awesome  Godwin's law, according to wikipedia. K back to the flames  |
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Post by madiocre on May 26, 2008 5:07:24 GMT -5
i think basically entering a fwb relationship is ok so long as both parties know what they are getting into and can live with it . I mean there is in fact nothing wrong with it apart from perhaps the social pressure of the whole finger waving you shouldnt do that you are selling yourself short etc bullshit" . In fact i think alot of hurt that can occur in a relationship is mostly from societal views and anxiety of whether one is a "slut' or not . Personally i hate those words they are what makes it so hard for guys and gals to get along in life if we could not label ppl with such deroogatory terms people would be more free and comfortable to do what they want and if thats imoral then who really gives a shit . i personally dont so long as no one is getting hurt . morals are suppose to help people be nice to one another not place useless unwritten laws that serve no purpose . I mean yeah sex in a loving relationship is awesome and the best way for it to be served but hey there are other ways that are pretty cool too . Ohh and also just wanted to point out as far as i knew whore is the slang term for prostitute no one mentioned exchange of currency . And as for the whole sex b4 marriage (yes i realise im straying here but bear with me its a challenge i want to put forawrd. If one (presumably a female as is the stereotype enforced ) waits till she is given a gold ring and a pretty white dress wouldnt she be more the whore then the one who enter into an agreement with a friend of exchanging a mutually pleasing evening . not saying waiting makes you a whore just putting forward the notion that any moral on this isnt nesarily right from every angle. oh and for the record prostitutes do provide a service to the community if it wasnt for them the rates of rape would be higher (again another off topic comment sorry ).
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Post by Sweet Pea on May 26, 2008 11:15:06 GMT -5
i think basically entering a fwb relationship is ok so long as both parties know what they are getting into and can live with it . I mean there is in fact nothing wrong with it apart from perhaps the social pressure of the whole finger waving you shouldnt do that you are selling yourself short etc bullshit" . In fact i think alot of hurt that can occur in a relationship is mostly from societal views and anxiety of whether one is a "slut' or not . Personally i hate those words they are what makes it so hard for guys and gals to get along in life if we could not label ppl with such deroogatory terms people would be more free and comfortable to do what they want and if thats imoral then who really gives a shit . i personally dont so long as no one is getting hurt . morals are suppose to help people be nice to one another not place useless unwritten laws that serve no purpose . I mean yeah sex in a loving relationship is awesome and the best way for it to be served but hey there are other ways that are pretty cool too . Ohh and also just wanted to point out as far as i knew whore is the slang term for prostitute no one mentioned exchange of currency . And as for the whole sex b4 marriage (yes i realise im straying here but bear with me its a challenge i want to put forawrd. If one (presumably a female as is the stereotype enforced ) waits till she is given a gold ring and a pretty white dress wouldnt she be more the whore then the one who enter into an agreement with a friend of exchanging a mutually pleasing evening . not saying waiting makes you a whore just putting forward the notion that any moral on this isnt nesarily right from every angle. oh and for the record prostitutes do provide a service to the community if it wasnt for them the rates of rape would be higher (again another off topic comment sorry ). i agree that the social labeling and stigma is the biggest part of the problem, and the reason more people aren't open to friends with benefits type relationships. human beings are social animals that need touch, and sex is an important part of that equation. our lives don't always allow us to enter contractural obligations like marriage; does that mean we should never experience touch or sex? that wouldn't be very healthy. the only problem is that as adults, we've already had our programming. furthermore, we get the social messages about this being wrong, dirty, etc. every day. so it can be difficult for people to resist all that programming. and there can be very real social censure as a result of resisting society's restrictions. once a person's judgement is called into question by family, co-workers, etc., the consequences can be quite devastating. this is the reason friends with benefits relationships are largely kept under the radar throughout most of our society. the need for discretion and the fear of social censure combine to make fwb far more difficult to pull off. if you initiate such a discussion with someone, they have the power to bring that social censure down on your head by spreading it around. it has gotten to the point that most people seem to be initiating such relationships with strangers online rather than with actual friends, which makes the whole thing a bit colder and more dangerous. the free love concept is still around, but when children are involved (a natural consequence of sexual relationsips) it can get messy and complicated. so many women are reluctant to get into relationships in which they can get left dealing with a lifelong obligation to a child on their own because they have no legal protection. birth control hasn't been perfected by any means, then there's all the std's out there. so generally speaking, this type of relationship is a minefield that alot of people really don't care to negotiate. the only problem is, as we can all see, marriage carries no guarantees of lifelong love and/or good sex. it works for some people, for some it's actually a hindrance. unfortunately, there is no one recipe for happiness that fits us all. if someone is lucky enough to find someone they enjoy fwb with, i say more power to them. if you're the type of person who would be very anxious in such a relationship, or who would be very hurt by the relationship ending, then it's not gonna be for you. what i found in my own life is that 'the one' was largely a myth that never happened, but i was never able to prevent myself from getting very attached or hurt either. so, no easy answers.  |
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Post by I am Jack's wasted life on May 27, 2008 17:32:20 GMT -5
Don't feel bad about feeling the way you do for him. It's all hormones, so it's normal. You haevn't done anythign wrong. As logn as you're honest with him about your intentions then it's all good. I don't really see anything wrong with friends w/ benefits as long as you both see it for what it is. BUt it's tricky though b/c when sex is involved you might grow to haev feelings for him or he might grow to have feeligns for you and then that's when it gets messy. So if you want to avoid further complications and stress then don't do it, it's not worth jeopardizing a friendship just for a quick lay.
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gaia
New Member
Posts: 9
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Post by gaia on May 27, 2008 18:21:15 GMT -5
1 year, 8 months and 4 days ago. Hmmm.... Just goes to show something you posted on the web - no matter how long ago - can always come back to haunt you! |
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Godwin's law, according to wikipedia.
