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Post by CaryGrant on Mar 29, 2004 10:51:36 GMT -5
Hi Hermit - stop with the shame and the shoulds, already! Seriously, I play that game too often myself, and end up crippling my thoughts, feelings, and actions. I just read an excellent book on shame, and I'm about to post the results in my diary - you might want to take a look. Use your fear to motivate you to take small steps in the right direction. And I agree with Jarous: go back to the board. You are who you are right now; that doesn't mean you'll always be that way, but there's no point apologising for it - especially to us! We know your pain...
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Ghost
Full Member
Posts: 220
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Post by Ghost on Mar 29, 2004 17:11:09 GMT -5
Don't worry Hermit. As far as I know, this palce is made for shy ones to get out their hearts content. Self pity is not gonna help, but neither is bashing yourself up. I have done both, especially the last a lot. It makes matters worse. Sure there are more things to talk about then how bad you feel to friends and the girl. I am almost always available to joke around with. I have felt quite unbalanced and despondent today, but still managed to kid around some. Try to do the opposite of the negative attitude you (and we all) display. I am not feeling very up to be more uplifting in my cheer-ya-up speech I'm afraid
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Post by Hermit on Mar 31, 2004 14:06:11 GMT -5
Hi guys.. CaryGrant: you're right of course, and on my better days i have less of a problem with dealing with it. I've just felt overwhelmed lately. I've kept all this bottled up for so long that my lid's been periodically flipping I''ve been considering giving my friends an email or something. As soon as my computer guy helps me fix this damn email problem. I gave him my computer a little while back to reinstall windows, and get it ready for my new high speed internet connection. No problems except that now my username and passwords are no longer valid... I suppose they were wiped out with the reinstall, but what does that mean now? did he leave those blank when he restarted it? Either way i'm kinda stuck with an unopenable inbox for the time being. (doh!) Ghost: Thanks again for trying to cheer me up
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Post by Hermit on Apr 1, 2004 14:59:11 GMT -5
Well, my younger brother paid me a visit last night. He comes stomping in through the door, without knocking, and charges up to the door to my room busts in and tells me he's going to kick my ass. He'd been drinking a little, and he's got a bit of an ego without the booze. He says he was going to start dragging me out of my house and "do" something for a change, and if i tried to stop him he'd fight me over it. Then he started going off on me about my avoiding everyone, my mom especially. Apparently she's pissed at me too, seems a guy is supposed to call his mother now and again. So there the big galoot is, standing over me, and i had to chuckle.. until i looked at his face, he had tears in his eyes. That pretty much killed the humor. Despite all this, i still felt in control of my own emotions for some reason. So i tried to find some way of explaining to him what was going on in my head.. the problem is that even though we're pretty close, his out-going, out-spoken personality makes it extremely difficult to make him understand. I began by trying to explain that it wasn't going to be as simple as just getting back out there, but he would hardly let me finish a sentence without ranting at me again. I guess i need to try again while he's sober.
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Post by Alecto on Apr 1, 2004 16:46:08 GMT -5
Oh wow
I'm sorry your brother acted that way. I don't know what I would have done in that situation.
It does seem that he is concerned about you but couldn't articulate it very well in his drunken state.
Maybe if you try talking to him about it when he's sober it might be easier to talk to him
Good luck with everything!
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Post by Hermit on Apr 6, 2004 2:02:22 GMT -5
I talked to my mom today, she's not too PO'd at me at least not the way my brother made it sound. She's upset that i haven't called or stopped by for so long, but she sorta understands. She wanted to make sure i show up this sunday for easter (almost forgot!) I haven't talked to my brother yet, i'll try to have a talk with him this weekend, though i might need a hammer drill to get through his thick head! He really is a character. Some of what he (and others) had to say was true. I know i can't spend the rest of my life in this damn house, but i need to get him to understand that i can't just make this go away. What will be even harder is trying to explain the extent of my fear in public, even around small groups of people. It is humiliating in the extreme to talk about it, but i guess i need to force myself to spit it out.
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Post by Alecto on Apr 6, 2004 11:33:14 GMT -5
At first I was going to suggest writing a letter to him, but this probably wouldn't be such a good idea. What you might want to do though, is take some paper, and write out what you want to say to him. It might help if you see it in front of you, and that way you can figure out a way to articulate it, and maybe practice what you've written down so you'll know what to say next time you see him
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Post by Hermit on Apr 12, 2004 10:53:38 GMT -5
That's not a bad idea, Alecto.
It's damn hard to find the words whenever i try to speak about anything, let alone this subject. It would probably help a lot to have some of the conversation mapped out beforehand.
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Post by Alecto on Apr 12, 2004 15:53:37 GMT -5
It does help.
I've used it before at work when I have to call back a client that I know is going to give me trouble, and knowing what to say beforehand can really help out.
I haven't tried it for my own personal experience, I should probably do that next time though
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Post by Hermit on May 20, 2004 12:33:02 GMT -5
I've been thinking about going back to work.. I'd like to say it's because i'm trying to get back into the swing of things but that wouldn't be the truth. I'm just starting to run out of money, the idea of going back fills me with loathing. Maybe it *will* dig me out of this slump though.. I guess i'm going to find out one way or the other.
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Post by glenn miller on May 24, 2004 12:45:53 GMT -5
i have not found a job yet. it has taken a while. will come eventually. hope so.
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Post by CaryGrant on May 25, 2004 13:12:15 GMT -5
Good luck Hermit (and GM). I find the things I need to do and know will help fill me with fear and loathing.
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Post by Hermit on May 26, 2004 16:57:35 GMT -5
Thanks CG I'm going to "side-kick" myself to my crew leader friend and avoid letting them turn me back into one myself. That will help to keep me stress-free, i hope.
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Post by Hermit on May 31, 2004 1:05:48 GMT -5
I still haven't spoken to my best friend or his family.. at this point -more than a year later now- i'm afraid to get in touch. I already know that they'll forgive me and be supportive, but how will this change how they think of me and how they act around me? Will they view me as a mental case? AM i mental?
This whole SAD thing has gotten way out of hand (obviously) and i'm getting to the point where somthing's going to blow.. I'm on an emotional rollercoaster, going from tears to wanting to scream until my lungs burst, or go on a rampage and destroy everything around me- put my head thru a wall, punch holes in my door, rip this desk i'm sitting at into kindling.
If i don't do *something* i'm going to have a stroke, but it feels like i've painted myself into a corner. I've turned procrastination and inaction into an artform. no, more than that- a way of life.
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Post by CaryGrant on May 31, 2004 9:51:11 GMT -5
Baby steps, hermit. That's how I crawled out of the hole. It was frustrating at first, and seemed "unmanly" to not be taking big, bold steps, but better some progress than none (or backwards! ). All the best - that you're feeling the pressure consciously is a good sign, and you can work with that. If it was all unconscious you would be much worse off....
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