Post by ASolitarySoul on May 11, 2003 20:59:30 GMT -5
Whenever I have been in a situation when groups were chosen
(primarily in my school days), I would always be the
last one "chosen" (more like assigned than chosen).
First of all, a bit of background info:
In my days as a child, whenever I had a birthday,
I never really did have a party (with my classmates
or kids my own age - I never did feel any sort of
connection with them - I didn't really have any friends).
I didn't really WANT a party, as far as that goes,
and I didn't feel like I was missing out on anything.
I guess I knew at that point that I was an oddball,
a misfit, and that a party would not be in my best interests.
My parents did not allow me to skip school on that day
(I missed a lot of school because of my asthma,
so I really could not afford to skip). If there was
any sort of a celebration, we would go out to eat.
The presents I got were from my parents and relatives
(and I DID get presents, which I suppose is better than some).
One other thing: I was born on my father's 49'th birthday,
so I shared my birthday with my father.
I don't celebrate birthdays anymore. I don't see the point.
So now, back to my central point:
Back in high school and junior high school, most of the
grouping was done in gym class. I always understood the reason
why I was never picked: I was/am a truly abysmal athlete,
absolutely pathetic, and always a liability to the team.
What can I say? I'm an oaf. :-(
In my college days, I was never a part of any of the cliques,
so nobody really knew me - I was just this shadow that
took up a seat in the classrooms. In my time at the Business
College at U of H, my academic performance I would characterize
as mediocre - I really didn't stand out.
I was in one class for MIS (Management Information Science)
that formed their own groups, with 6 or 7 to each group,
for a project that we would be working on over the course
of the semester. Naturally, I myself, along with a few
of the other stragglers, got assigned to a group that
was a bit short on people.
After about three weeks, four of the members of that group
approached me and another guy and asked us if we wouldn't
mind breaking off from the group to work on the project
as a separate 2-man group (I don't really recall the reason
why they wanted us to do that - something about the four
of them living in the same apartment complex and working
on the project whenever they ... I don't really recall).
We were basically being pushed out of the group.
So, me and the other straggler worked on the project
for about four weeks after that. Then, the other guy started
to skip classes, not show up for the meetings (to work on the
project), then dropped the class altogether, and I was left
to complete the project alone.
Alone again. Always alone. :-|
In another class for software engineering (in the Computer
Science department), six students volunteered to become
team leaders, and they picked their teams for a team project,
with six groups of seven each. As always,
I wound up in a group by default (as I was one of the
few not chosen). Over the course of the semester,
I wound up becoming the chief programmer (which was a
separate position from the team leader) and doing about
90% of the coding. Our project was the best in the class,
so I more than pulled my own weight. At one point, I _DID_
spout off and get one of the other team members angry with me
(as I am so very talented at doing). I apologized to him for it,
and patched things over. Nevertheless, I always felt that
I was never really a part of the team. :-|
The point to all of this is that, due to my inability
to "fit in," I have this feeling of impending doom,
that no matter what choice I make in terms of a career,
that it won't matter - that the misfit within me will
sabotage the whole effort and noone will choose me for
employment - or, if they do, I won't be able to "fit in"
and I will wind up being terminated.
I've been looking over the reoccurring patterns in my life,
and what I see does not look very encouraging - my chances
for success and happiness in life do not appear to be very good.
Any thoughts?
Solitary Soul -> users3.ev1.net/~solitarysoul/
-----------------------------------------------------
(primarily in my school days), I would always be the
last one "chosen" (more like assigned than chosen).
First of all, a bit of background info:
In my days as a child, whenever I had a birthday,
I never really did have a party (with my classmates
or kids my own age - I never did feel any sort of
connection with them - I didn't really have any friends).
I didn't really WANT a party, as far as that goes,
and I didn't feel like I was missing out on anything.
I guess I knew at that point that I was an oddball,
a misfit, and that a party would not be in my best interests.
My parents did not allow me to skip school on that day
(I missed a lot of school because of my asthma,
so I really could not afford to skip). If there was
any sort of a celebration, we would go out to eat.
The presents I got were from my parents and relatives
(and I DID get presents, which I suppose is better than some).
One other thing: I was born on my father's 49'th birthday,
so I shared my birthday with my father.
I don't celebrate birthdays anymore. I don't see the point.
So now, back to my central point:
Back in high school and junior high school, most of the
grouping was done in gym class. I always understood the reason
why I was never picked: I was/am a truly abysmal athlete,
absolutely pathetic, and always a liability to the team.
What can I say? I'm an oaf. :-(
In my college days, I was never a part of any of the cliques,
so nobody really knew me - I was just this shadow that
took up a seat in the classrooms. In my time at the Business
College at U of H, my academic performance I would characterize
as mediocre - I really didn't stand out.
I was in one class for MIS (Management Information Science)
that formed their own groups, with 6 or 7 to each group,
for a project that we would be working on over the course
of the semester. Naturally, I myself, along with a few
of the other stragglers, got assigned to a group that
was a bit short on people.
After about three weeks, four of the members of that group
approached me and another guy and asked us if we wouldn't
mind breaking off from the group to work on the project
as a separate 2-man group (I don't really recall the reason
why they wanted us to do that - something about the four
of them living in the same apartment complex and working
on the project whenever they ... I don't really recall).
We were basically being pushed out of the group.
So, me and the other straggler worked on the project
for about four weeks after that. Then, the other guy started
to skip classes, not show up for the meetings (to work on the
project), then dropped the class altogether, and I was left
to complete the project alone.
Alone again. Always alone. :-|
In another class for software engineering (in the Computer
Science department), six students volunteered to become
team leaders, and they picked their teams for a team project,
with six groups of seven each. As always,
I wound up in a group by default (as I was one of the
few not chosen). Over the course of the semester,
I wound up becoming the chief programmer (which was a
separate position from the team leader) and doing about
90% of the coding. Our project was the best in the class,
so I more than pulled my own weight. At one point, I _DID_
spout off and get one of the other team members angry with me
(as I am so very talented at doing). I apologized to him for it,
and patched things over. Nevertheless, I always felt that
I was never really a part of the team. :-|
The point to all of this is that, due to my inability
to "fit in," I have this feeling of impending doom,
that no matter what choice I make in terms of a career,
that it won't matter - that the misfit within me will
sabotage the whole effort and noone will choose me for
employment - or, if they do, I won't be able to "fit in"
and I will wind up being terminated.
I've been looking over the reoccurring patterns in my life,
and what I see does not look very encouraging - my chances
for success and happiness in life do not appear to be very good.
Any thoughts?
Solitary Soul -> users3.ev1.net/~solitarysoul/
-----------------------------------------------------
