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Post by MrNice on May 9, 2008 11:28:10 GMT -5
you don't feel nervous only because you have not committed yourself to actually doing anything
its something abstract for you - but as soon as you actually commit to a specific action the closer you'll get to it the more nervous you will become
I have given you an extremely simple way of asking her out - you can use those exact words
it just doesn't get any simpler then that
look - you have to be direct - you are asking her out because you feel some attraction towards her - and its ok. do not be ashamed of your motives. she will know what you mean when you ask her out - and she will either help you - or tell you some BS.
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gaia
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Post by gaia on May 9, 2008 18:20:23 GMT -5
I agree with what's been said - you should just ask her out. It's best to take some action, because if you don't it will be one of those "if only.." situations that will just drive you mental.  |
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Post by ball4yourout on May 10, 2008 21:52:02 GMT -5
I guess I can start out by saying to everyone here, "I will ask her out!!!"
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gaia
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Post by gaia on May 10, 2008 22:18:11 GMT -5
I guess I can start out by saying to everyone here, "I will ask her out!!!" That's the spirit!  |
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Post by Bodhi on May 10, 2008 23:15:36 GMT -5
I don't agree with just saying, "Want to go out?" thats too direct I think, especially for a nervous, shy guy. It will come out sounding weak and kind of pathetic most likely. I suggest he try to strike up a conversation with her around lunch time, and then after talking for a few minutes to make her more comfortable, say, "Hey, I'm hungry, have you eaten yet, want to get something to eat?" or something casual along those lines. Its more suave and indirect than saying, "Hey, want to go out sometime." which I personally think could kind of freak a girl out and make you seem weird. Doing it in a more causal way works better.
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gaia
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Post by gaia on May 10, 2008 23:20:28 GMT -5
I don't agree with just saying, "Want to go out?" thats too direct I think, especially for a nervous, shy guy. It will come out sounding weak and kind of pathetic most likely. I suggest he try to strike up a conversation with her around lunch time, and then after talking for a few minutes to make her more comfortable, say, "Hey, I'm hungry, have you eaten yet, want to get something to eat?" or something casual along those lines. Its more suave and indirect than saying, "Hey, want to go out sometime." which I personally think could kind of freak a girl out and make you seem weird. Doing it in a more causal way works better. I don't know... direct can be better sometimes. Even "outgoing" men get nervous when they ask a girl out - it's only natural. Obviously the "Want to go out?" is not a good phraze and if said randomly, I agree - could be weird... perhaps maybe look for an opportunity to make it relevant to a conversation might be good (e.g. talking about films = "Oh, we should see a film together sometime"... ok, maybe that sounds gay too, but you get the idea :  . |
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Post by Sweet Pea on May 10, 2008 23:30:40 GMT -5
i heard you were supposed to tap them 3 times on the left shoulder and stroke the back of their neck twice and then ask them out...then they fall into your arms and are your love slave for life!  |
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Post by ball4yourout on May 11, 2008 15:19:27 GMT -5
Is it really just a simple matter of just asking someone if they want to hang out? Again, this is so unfamiliar to me. I just want to try to make this as natural as possible.
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Post by Sweet Pea on May 11, 2008 15:39:23 GMT -5
Is it really just a simple matter of just asking someone if they want to hang out? Again, this is so unfamiliar to me. I just want to try to make this as natural as possible. well, put it this way...if it's not, it should be. why make it so complicated? bodhi's suggestion was good too though. if you happen to be doing something anyway, you could ask her if she'd like to come along. just don't build it up in your mind so that you'll crumple if she isn't interested. your whole life and happiness shouldn't ride on the results of an invitation. |
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Post by MrNice on May 11, 2008 17:45:40 GMT -5
yes - its really really simple
asking a girl out is very natural
no - don't ask her if she would like to go out with you, thats not really asking her out - thats like asking her for permission to ask her out - and thats weak
do you see the difference?
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gaia
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Post by gaia on May 11, 2008 18:54:55 GMT -5
yes - its really really simple asking a girl out is very natural no - don't ask her if she would like to go out with you, thats not really asking her out - thats like asking her for permission to ask her out - and thats weak do you see the difference? I don't see the difference... Do you want to go out with me?/Would you like to go out sometime? - sounds the same to me.  |
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Post by MrNice on May 11, 2008 19:39:48 GMT -5
you are right - they are pretty much the same
I didn't mean to compare these two things
b4y
when you 'ask her out' you suggest - not literally ask
as in lets do x/y/z
and its either something in particular right away or if you are vague as in 'lets hang out' then you get her phone number
and remember - if she likes you she will HELP YOU
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gaia
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Post by gaia on May 11, 2008 19:59:09 GMT -5
you are right - they are pretty much the same I didn't mean to compare these two things b4y when you 'ask her out' you suggest - not literally ask as in lets do x/y/z and its either something in particular right away or if you are vague as in 'lets hang out' then you get her phone number and remember - if she likes you she will HELP YOU True, she will help you if she likes you. "Would you like to hang out sometime?" and just leaving it at that is very different to "Would you like to hang out sometime? ___ Ok, well can you give me your number so we can arrange something?" (or maybe not that exact phrase : . I think you (Ball4yourout) need to remember to make sure you go for the more direct approach, because the vague method could just lead to an empty 'Sure that would be great' with no real follow-up. |
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Post by ball4yourout on May 11, 2008 20:54:04 GMT -5
Just to clarify, you all believe its better to have something specific in mind?
I guess part of this is understanding its not the movies, so I totally get it if the usual "wanna hang out" isn't going to work.
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gaia
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Post by gaia on May 11, 2008 21:59:54 GMT -5
Just to clarify, you all believe its better to have something specific in mind? I guess part of this is understanding its not the movies, so I totally get it if the usual "wanna hang out" isn't going to work. Well don't say "7:30 - this Saturday.. how about it baby? ".. She might say no and you won't really know if a) it's inconvenient or b) it's that she just doesn't want to. It's not worth having that big question mark hanging over you.. Get her number first, after asking if she'd like to hang out sometime (you didn't say you had her number already, did you?)... Then you can call her and ask when she's free with a specific idea in mind (again, only have an idea of where - not when.. you can ask her to pick when), though only worry about that once you have her number. Focus on that first. Just take little steps. |
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