gaia
New Member
Posts: 9
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Post by gaia on May 14, 2008 21:31:05 GMT -5
Also, keep in mind that when it come to dating and relationships, alot of it is trial and error. Everyone makes mistakes in this department it's totally natural. Remember, the girls you didn't hear about Don Juan wooing are the ones that turned him down. This is all very true. |
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etn
Full Member
Posts: 107
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Post by etn on May 14, 2008 21:35:51 GMT -5
I feel so damn nervous even typing this.  Here's how I really feel. I think that if I E-mail her and things go south, then I'm not going to feel good about it for a long time. However, if I don't E-mail her, then I'm going to feel very bad about it for a long time as well because I had opportunities literally handed to me and I never got it together. There's no third option, so the chances of me feeling bad about this whole thing are pretty much equal. I really want to send her that E-mail. I really do. But I'm just too afraid it won't matter much in the end. Sorry didn't see this till after my last post. Sounds like you've got nothing to lose then. E-mail her. Look at it this way, if things go south, will it kill you? Will you loose an arm or a leg? My guess is no. Even if doesn't matter in the end, at least you'd have tried. That's an accomplishment in itself. "He who dares wins" |
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Post by MrNice on May 14, 2008 22:17:25 GMT -5
just send it
use the exact words I gave you - don't change anything except the part in brackets - and if it goes south you can blame me
stop thinking about it - stop analyzing it - stop planning your future - just do this one simple action of sending an e-mail to some girl
I can promise you this - as soon as you hit the send button, you will feel incredible relief
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Post by Sweet Pea on May 14, 2008 22:32:17 GMT -5
I feel so damn nervous even typing this. Here's how I really feel. I think that if I E-mail her and things go south, then I'm not going to feel good about it for a long time. However, if I don't E-mail her, then I'm going to feel very bad about it for a long time as well because I had opportunities literally handed to me and I never got it together. There's no third option, so the chances of me feeling bad about this whole thing are pretty much equal. I really want to send her that E-mail. I really do. But I'm just too afraid it won't matter much in the end. the thing you should really be worried about is looking back on your life 10, 20, 30 years from now and realizing that you never took a chance on any of the opportunities that presented themselves to ya...cuz how ya gonna feel then? by the way, 3rd option is: you send the email, she responds in a friendly way, nothing bad happens. |
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Post by ball4yourout on May 15, 2008 0:45:13 GMT -5
Okay, here's a deal. I'll draft up a message that I could send via E-mail. I just won't send it yet. Would that be a good first step?
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Post by Sweet Pea on May 15, 2008 0:46:59 GMT -5
Okay, here's a deal. I'll draft up a message that I could send via E-mail. I just won't send it yet. Would that be a good first step? baby steps are a very good idea. |
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Post by MrNice on May 15, 2008 6:46:49 GMT -5
are you serious?
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Post by Sweet Pea on May 15, 2008 9:09:34 GMT -5
it's a matter of breaking it down in steps and taking one step at a time. if he takes the step of writing the message at least, he's one step closer to getting it sent. if he's so scared to send it that he never gets it written, he'll never get it sent. comprende? |
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Post by MrNice on May 15, 2008 9:23:01 GMT -5
I understand that he just does not want to do it
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Post by Sweet Pea on May 15, 2008 9:25:14 GMT -5
I understand that he just does not want to do it on one level he does, and on another level he doesn't. you should understand how that is.  |
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Post by ball4yourout on May 15, 2008 11:57:00 GMT -5
Thank you Sweet Pea. You really are a Sweet Pea.  I figure if I can just get the words out in some physical form, I may feel a bit more comfortable about what it is I'm going to say. MrNice, if it'll make you feel better, last night, I almost felt comfortable with just sending an E-mail, just like that. Almost. |
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Post by deadendphilosopher on May 15, 2008 17:16:32 GMT -5
I agree with Sweet Pea - just write a draft right now, you clearly have nothing to loose by doing that.
I don't know what your college is like, but at mine people look up other people's emails online all the time and it's not a big deal. I had a couple guys who I had no interest in and didn't know well look mine up and email me, and it wasn't a big deal. Even though I wasn't interested, I was flattered, not offended. And from what you've described, it sounds like the girl you like, likes you back, so that probably won't even be an issue! I think you should definately just do it! Besides, if it doesn't go well, you won't have to confront her since classes are over. You shouldn't let your fear of rejection stop you because, really if you are rejected it doesn't actually say anything about your personality. EVERYONE gets rejected sometimes in dating, even the most outgoing, popular people.
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Post by ball4yourout on May 15, 2008 17:34:26 GMT -5
Again, it just may be another one of my many delusions.
I will draft that E-mail. But I don't know what to do beyond that.
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Post by Sweet Pea on May 15, 2008 17:45:31 GMT -5
Again, it just may be another one of my many delusions. I will draft that E-mail. But I don't know what to do beyond that. not knowing what's going to happen next is what makes it exciting. when you know everything that's going to happen, how it's going to happen, when it's going to happen, where it's going to happen...that's what's called BORING. |
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Post by MrNice on May 15, 2008 18:07:03 GMT -5
there is two things going on here - one is the illusion in your head, and one is the reality of your situation as seen by most people
you delusion, your fantasy is one of living happily ever after with this girl - but you only picked this girl because she is is speaking and smiling at you - you don't really know her, she doesn't really know you and there is nothing certain beyond the fact that she is a little bit interested in you
others might disagree with me, but you have to let go of it
while she has certainly expressed some interest in you it doesn't automatically mean that if you ask her out out the happily ever after part will follow. Things can 'go south' at any point in time - for example after 20 years of marriage - but you can't let that stop you from taking any action. She is just one girl that you have met and you can and you should ask her out. There is nothing beyond that right now.
What scares you more - if she rejects you or if she actually says something in your favor and then you won't know what to do? are you afraid that things will not work out even if she responds positively? its possible of course - but thats just the way it goes
beyond drafting the email, you have to put her email address in the to field and press send - but you already knew that right?
as a last resort just do it for the sake of doing it. Forget the girl forget yourself forget everything. Just do the technical part of writing some sentences into your email client and sending an email.
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