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Post by MrNice on May 15, 2008 18:20:40 GMT -5
believe me - I understand how you feel
the first girl I ever asked out - I met her twice. I got her phone number from another friend, and actually called her about a month after I last seen her. I had one of those bad crushes where I decided that she is the one girl that could complete my life based on little information about her and my own fantasies. And I was nervous as hell. She didn't remember who I was at first. And it didn't work out - we went out just once. And then my best friend started dating her which really sucked. But whatever - it was an experience - something to learn from.
And how cool, this was exactly 10 years go.
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Post by ball4yourout on May 15, 2008 22:01:10 GMT -5
The more I talk to you all about this, the more I am feeling comfortable with the E-mail plan. But its not THAT comfortable.
I guess I'll never be able to convey just how tough this is for me. For those who get me, I really appreciate it.
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etn
Full Member
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Post by etn on May 15, 2008 22:02:23 GMT -5
I would just approach it as practice. If she's said yes- great! If she said no- well no big deal, at least you tried.
Just like MrNice pointed out. If you did get to go out with her, it doesn't mean anything would come of it anyway.
But that is how it goes...
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Post by Sweet Pea on May 15, 2008 22:22:07 GMT -5
The more I talk to you all about this, the more I am feeling comfortable with the E-mail plan. But its not THAT comfortable. I guess I'll never be able to convey just how tough this is for me. For those who get me, I really appreciate it. comfortable is for chairs. love, sex and romance are not comfortable. they're exciting, invigorating, butterfly-making, intoxicating...they are NOT comfortable. they're not supposed to be. |
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gaia
New Member
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Post by gaia on May 15, 2008 23:31:55 GMT -5
There's nothing wrong with dreaming or fantasizing. Ever. *But as a form of argument prevention* I'm going to say that you should really be at a certain point first (where you know someone well and you've been going out for a long time or whatever) before you see it as anything more credible than just a dream. SweetPea is right - this experience isn't comfortable at all because it's not supposed to be.  etn makes a good point too.. you should view this as practice. Even if things don't go how you'd like them to, at least you did something more with this crush than you did your last. You need to keep trying before you can get anywhere. It's tough to just "switch off" your over-analysing, I know. But you should try and see this how your average person would - just an e-mail. It's not like you're proposing to her... just sending a message. She really has no reason to give you a shitty response. |
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Post by ball4yourout on May 16, 2008 14:20:36 GMT -5
Here's some good news. All this discourse has made me not only want to send her that E-mail, but I also don't see it as a bad idea anymore. I am starting to feel I indeed have everything to gain and very little to lose.
But here's another problem. I simply don't know her THAT well. Wouldn't be rather unnerving if Iasked to hang out despite the fact I barely know her? Again, the reason why I feel I can't fail here is because she's the first girl I've had attraction towards that I've also interacted with. With other girls, its always been from afar. No matter how much I was attracted to them, I could never speak to them. But I could with this girl, the first time ever in my life.
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Post by MrNice on May 16, 2008 14:34:55 GMT -5
it is rather unnerving because you have never done it before and you think its a big deal
its really not a big deal
you are just inviting her to hang out - not to have your babies
NO NO NO NO
you CAN fail - if by fail you mean that things will not work out between you and her
what you will most likely not fail at is getting a friendly response to your email
this type of thinking - that she is so special just because you managed to talk to her will only lead to disaster down the road
you got to have the attitude that even if you know for sure you will fail - you still send her the email - you still try.
are you going to send her the email now?
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Post by ball4yourout on May 16, 2008 15:04:14 GMT -5
Let me clarify what I said. When I said "fail," I meant that I cannot afford to fail.
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Post by MrNice on May 16, 2008 15:32:46 GMT -5
you got to have the attitude that even if you know for sure you will fail - you still send her the email - you still try
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Post by Sweet Pea on May 16, 2008 15:46:37 GMT -5
okay, you were right...don't do it. just stay home and do nothing, grow old, bitter, hateful & lonely. that's definitely better.
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Post by strawberrysweetie on May 16, 2008 16:17:07 GMT -5
But here's another problem. I simply don't know her THAT well. Wouldn't be rather unnerving if Iasked to hang out despite the fact I barely know her? Beware! It's your anxiety and over-analysing that's making up these excuses!!!  Sorry, man...but this is not a very good excuse (no offense or anything...). I realize you don't feel you know her well, but that is the point of dating, hanging out, whatever you want to call it...to get to know the other person better. You can't really get to know someone until you 'hang out' with them. And the classroom just doesn't provide enough time to get to know someone to the point of feeling like you know them well. Trust me, it sounds you're acquainted with her enough to be able to ask her out. |
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Post by deadendphilosopher on May 16, 2008 17:18:57 GMT -5
You said yourself that the email is not sounding like a bad idea anymore, so why don't you just send it now and worry about what will happen next after you've sent it. As you said before, to not send it at all and just give up on the girl would be failure, so why not give yourself a chance at success. If things don't work out you will have still displayed a lot of courage, which on its own is a form of success. It may be tough it you don't succeed in the way you would like to, but the fact that you were able to talk to this girl means you are capable of talking to other girls you like in the future - "failing" with this girl won't change that. I agree with Mr. Nice that it will not help to build this girl up in your mind as special.
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Post by ball4yourout on May 16, 2008 20:35:24 GMT -5
I can see my apprehensiveness is beginning to get on everoyne's nerves. I'm sorry, I can't help it. Again, this is who I am and what I'm having to deal with. Nobody can understand my own predicament better than I. This is all very real and its very painful. I certainly do appreciate everyone helping me out and those who were patient with me.
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Post by strawberrysweetie on May 16, 2008 21:26:04 GMT -5
I can see my apprehensiveness is beginning to get on everoyne's nerves. I'm sorry, I can't help it. Again, this is who I am and what I'm having to deal with. Nobody can understand my own predicament better than I. This is all very real and its very painful. I certainly do appreciate everyone helping me out and those who were patient with me. ball4yourout, we all just want to support you and hope to see you make something of this. It's usually a lot simpler for those who are not in your exact shoes and not in your exact situation (myself included) to look at it in a different way and without the anxiety involved and to offer advice on the situation. Emotions can definitely complicate things beyond comprehension. Even though I'm aware of what I do and why I do it, it's often still hard for me to understand why I do the things I do...if that makes any sense.  What scares you more - if she rejects you or if she actually says something in your favor and then you won't know what to do? I actually think this is a very important question to ask yourself. I never saw an answer to this, but I am very curious as to what your thoughts are. If you're more afraid of her accepting the invitation, than maybe you aren't quite ready for this type of step yet.  |
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Post by Sweet Pea on May 16, 2008 23:02:15 GMT -5
we're just trying to nudge you. nudge, nudge...nudge, nudge...
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