gaia
New Member
Posts: 9
|
Post by gaia on May 19, 2008 15:55:30 GMT -5
absolutely wrong all that is going to happen is the typical 'lets just be friends' scenario where a guy PRETENDS to be friends with a girl he has a serious crush on its better to let your TRUE INTENTIONS be known right away - and be rejected then let it drag out over a long period of time feeling miserable and then getting rejected you have known this girl for a whole semester - she already knows whether she would like to hang out with you I am not prepared to discuss this with you. |
|
|
|
Post by MrNice on May 19, 2008 16:14:46 GMT -5
you don't have to - he will listen to you and not to me [contributing to his own misery later on]
|
|
|
|
Post by Bodhi on May 19, 2008 16:17:06 GMT -5
absolutely wrong all that is going to happen is the typical 'lets just be friends' scenario where a guy pretends to be friends with a girl he has a serious crush on its better to let your true intentions be known right away - and be rejected then let it drag out over a long period of time feeling miserable and then getting rejected you have known this girl for a whole semester - she already knows whether she would like to hang out with you I disagree, just in the last semester at school, I've seen at least 3 or 4 couples that had been friends beforehand, or just on friendly terms. One was two people I know would never have been a couple had they not gotten to know each other(at first the girl had no romantic interest in him). Another of my good friends is very successful with women, and has told me the key to his success is being friends with girls beforehand, so they can see you are a nice, good guy and they become comfortable with you. Being comfortable with someone is a key in establishing a relationship. Although, showing a little bit of edge is good too, but not too much. Just going out and asking girls out without getting to know them might work if you ask enough, but its not a very effective tactic. The better tactic is to get to know lots of people as friends, girls included. Expand your social sphere and opportunities will naturally come about. Getting to know girls as friends is a very good way to get a girlfriend. Its a myth that a girl will immediatly decide the minute she meets you whether she will go out with you or not. Lots of times she will not like you, but as you become closer as friends she will start to like you. I think this idea that guys will get into a 'friends zone' is just an excuse. Its much more likely a girl will like you more after getting to know you, and be more willing to date you. If she doesn't after getting to know you, you never had a chance in the first place. Also, gaia is a girl, so her opinion on what girls think has alot of weight in my book! |
|
|
|
Post by MrNice on May 19, 2008 16:28:05 GMT -5
its possible to start out on friendly terms where 2 people gradually build attraction for each other
not when one person has a serious crush and pretend there is nothing going on
you don't just as k them out
what you are missing out on, is that you can get to know a girl enough for her ti make a decision whether to go out with you in a much shorter period of time then common wisdom would tell you
of course if you make lots of friends and have a social circle its easier to find someone
however you are still ignoring the fact that the guy already has a crush - it makes all the difference
its not a myth - if you are actually not afraid to display your personality she knows very soon
and again, if both of you gradually develop feelings its one thing
its a completely different story when the girl barely knows you and you go on pretending to be friends while hiding your feelings
excuse for what?
the girl gets to know you while you hang out with her - or go on dates
the more dates you go on the more she gets to know you
exactly - and you can spare yourself all the pain and misery of trying to get her to get to know you so that she will maybe like you while you are completely obsessed with her - by finding out right away
see above post
|
|
|
|
Post by ball4yourout on May 19, 2008 16:34:13 GMT -5
Oh great... conflicting propositions.
What do I do? On one hand, SweetPea, Gaia, and Bodhi make a lot of sense, but MrNice has a very good point as well.
I guess I'm not gonna send it just yet. I have no idea how to go about this!!!
|
|
gaia
New Member
Posts: 9
|
Post by gaia on May 19, 2008 16:46:01 GMT -5
Oh great... conflicting propositions. What do I do? On one hand, SweetPea, Gaia, and Bodhi make a lot of sense, but MrNice has a very good point as well. I guess I'm not gonna send it just yet. I have no idea how to go about this!!! I'm sorry you are finding it difficult to know what to do. I'm sure I would too. The people talking in this video kind of influenced my reply to you. Yeah, they're a bit weird but I think they speak a lot of sense. They have some other good videos too. |
|
|
|
Post by Sweet Pea on May 19, 2008 17:03:15 GMT -5
Oh great... conflicting propositions. What do I do? On one hand, SweetPea, Gaia, and Bodhi make a lot of sense, but MrNice has a very good point as well. I guess I'm not gonna send it just yet. I have no idea how to go about this!!! that's just as well. while you're waffling around the place, she's probably already accepted a date with someone else...hell, she's probably engaged!  |
|
|
|
Post by Sweet Pea on May 19, 2008 17:06:23 GMT -5
Oh great... conflicting propositions. What do I do? On one hand, SweetPea, Gaia, and Bodhi make a lot of sense, but MrNice has a very good point as well. I guess I'm not gonna send it just yet. I have no idea how to go about this!!! I'm sorry you are finding it difficult to know what to do. I'm sure I would too. The people talking in this video kind of influenced my reply to you. Yeah, they're a bit weird but I think they speak a lot of sense. They have some other good videos too. oh yeah, dan & jenn...they also did the ever popular 'Anal Sex - How to Make Her REALLY Want It'.  |
|
|
|
Post by angelstar on May 19, 2008 17:15:43 GMT -5
I think you should go for it, worse ways up it’s going to give you some experience for next time. These things only get harder as you get older, youth is the time to make mistakes and learn, not that I’m saying it’ll be a mistake!
|
|
gaia
New Member
Posts: 9
|
Post by gaia on May 19, 2008 17:18:54 GMT -5
oh yeah, dan & jenn...they also did the ever popular 'Anal Sex - How to Make Her REALLY Want It'.  |
|
|
|
Post by Bodhi on May 19, 2008 17:56:24 GMT -5
you don't just as k them out what you are missing out on, is that you can get to know a girl enough for her ti make a decision whether to go out with you in a much shorter period of time then common wisdom would tell you Ok, so you agree not to just ask girls out right away. I think we are just quibbling over how much time to take until you ask them out. I don't think you need to wait a year! I think its a hard decision to know when to make the move. It probably all depends on the situation. I think in this case, he didn't have much of a friendship with this girl outside of class. Establishing some friendly contact outside of class will put her more at ease in going out outside of class. So I think he should start with at least a couple friendly emails before asking her out. I think the friends thing is an excuse for guys who get rejected. The girl turns them down after they become friends, and the guy makes an excuse that he should have asked her out before they became friends, because somehow that would have made all the difference. While in fact, she would have rejected him at that point too. |
|
|
|
Post by pnoopiepnats on May 19, 2008 17:58:36 GMT -5
Mr Nice does have a point.
Being friends in order to get further is so dishonest.
A girl knows whether or not she sees you as romantic potential right away.
Write it, click and send it and then forget it.
If you did this with 100 girls, you would forget all about your fears.
It really shouldn't be this big of a deal. You are hesitating because you think something you say will control the outcome.
|
|
gaia
New Member
Posts: 9
|
Post by gaia on May 19, 2008 18:18:18 GMT -5
...Being friends in order to get further is so dishonest.... That is not what I, or anyone else for that matter, was suggesting. Being friends BEFORE going further is not dishonest - it's common sense. In the first message he sends he should not state that he likes her. Remember, a while back he said she was a bit shy too. To come out and say he likes her in a romantic way will scare her. |
|
|
|
Post by MrNice on May 19, 2008 18:18:43 GMT -5
he has known her for a whole semester - writing emails is going backwards at this point
bodhi - when you had crushes on girls - why do you accept it as normal that you can like a girl so much that just picking up the phone turns you into a nervous wreck, yet after exactly the same amount of time of knowing her, you think you need to go through all these hoops in order to get 1/10 the interest from her?
I think you just don't give yourself enough credibility in the attractiveness department
the problem is that if a girl does like you in the beginning, and you don't take action on it, she will relegate you in the friends category and will not look at you as a potential partner - she'll think you are great guy but not have those kind of feelings for you
if she rejected you for a coffee date in the beginning chances are she will reject you after you spent whatever time trying to impress her further.
going on a date btw, does not equal a relationship -
trying to go from nothing to everything in one step - of course that is weird - suggesting to hang out however is not weird
|
|
|
|
Post by MrNice on May 19, 2008 18:20:00 GMT -5
but that's the way it is - you can not just pretend that you do not have an agenda - when so obviously its on your mind
|
|
