gaia
New Member
Posts: 9
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Post by gaia on May 19, 2008 18:27:06 GMT -5
but that's the way it is - you can not just pretend that you do not have an agenda - when so obviously its on your mind I agree - you can't deny you have an "agenda". But you needn't state it so blatantly so soon. She will get scared.
...So the short answer is yes, she seems quite shy herself. I don't know why, she's very much the most beautiful little lady I've ever seen. But here's another problem. I simply don't know her THAT well. Start off getting to know her as a friend first is the most sensible thing to do. I'm sorry to say, but this just sounds like he's attracted to her based only on her appearance at the moment.  |
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Post by MrNice on May 19, 2008 18:28:34 GMT -5
as I said, again, going out with a girl is not a big deal - it does not mean sex,relationship, marriage,eternal happiness or salvation for shyness
its not a big deal - asking a girl out is different from saying 'I really really like you' in a desperate voice
and since she already warmed up to him and talks to him and laughs at his jokes, suggesting a one on one rendevou will not scare her
the bigger issue here, is that he does 'really really like her' but that can not be changed at this point
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Post by pnoopiepnats on May 19, 2008 18:28:49 GMT -5
...Being friends in order to get further is so dishonest.... That is not what I, or anyone else for that matter, was suggesting. Being friends BEFORE going further is not dishonest - it's common sense. In the first message he sends he should not state that he likes her. Remember, a while back he said she was a bit shy too. To come out and say he likes her in a romantic way will scare her. I never said for him to tell her he likes her in a romantic way. He should ask her to coffee or a movie. he could write one friendly email not asking for anything to see if she responds and then the 2nd email he could ask her out. There is a tiny bit of lead up but not weeks and months. A tip for future classes with cute girls that boys may like; if you are talking to her in the class ask her to go for a coffee or sandwich after class. |
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gaia
New Member
Posts: 9
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Post by gaia on May 19, 2008 18:31:02 GMT -5
I made a big edit to my last post. And I can't be bothered to be getting into a discussion.
The only person i'm concerned about is the author of this thread.
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Post by deadendphilosopher on May 19, 2008 19:10:55 GMT -5
Personally I don't think it matters that much whether you ask her out in the first email or not. I think the fact that you are going out of your way to email her when you don't know her that well is a pretty strong hint that you are not just seeking platonic friendship.
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Post by ball4yourout on May 19, 2008 19:15:44 GMT -5
I want to clarify something.
There seems to be some confusion over how much I know this girl. I've said it once, I don't know her THAT well. Yes we chatted occasionally and we say hi to each other outside class, but other than that, we never even properly introduced ourselves to each other.
In effect, I barely know this girl. So to whoever brought it up, yes, I would like to get to know her more.
I really don't know what to do at this point. It seems like either route can kill it at this point.
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Post by ball4yourout on May 19, 2008 19:33:06 GMT -5
The only person i'm concerned about is the author of this thread. I certainly do appreciate that. I was a bit upset to hear that. First off, appearance does play a role in any attraction. I don't know anybody who would be any different. However, to say that I'm only interested in her appearance is just wrong. There was a time when I wasn't that interested in her. But once I did talk with her a bit more, that changed. Although it wasn't much to remember, it seemed like talking to her just brought back or out whatever attraction I indeed had for her. |
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gaia
New Member
Posts: 9
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Post by gaia on May 19, 2008 19:41:34 GMT -5
You're absolutely right - appearance does play an important part and I wouldn't want you (or anyone else) to settle for anyone that you didn't find attractive in some way.
I can see how you interpreted what I said in the way that you are "only interested in her appearance", but that isn't what I meant. You just said that you don't know her too well at all, and so you can't possibly say that the way you like her is personality based.
However I am a believer in 'vibes'.. if you get a good vibe from her (so that's not her appearance - that's just a good energy) then I can totally see how you might be into her in a way that's not strictly physical.
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Post by MrNice on May 19, 2008 20:02:16 GMT -5
are you enjoying this?
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Post by ball4yourout on May 19, 2008 20:10:54 GMT -5
You think I'm enjoying this? You think I enjoy having to deal with insecurity, having to watch others in my age grup and younger than me flourish in life, be it socially or professionally, hold hands with girls, go out and have fun, talk on their phones endlessly, while all I can do is watch longingly, like some creep and lead a life full of regret and sadness? You think its fun for me to watch myself chicken out every time I want to talk to some girl? Give me a reason I should enjoy any of this and I will be your slave. |
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Post by MrNice on May 19, 2008 20:25:35 GMT -5
look - to tell you the truth - you probably won't succeed with this girl one way or another
now go write that email
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Post by ball4yourout on May 19, 2008 21:56:59 GMT -5
look - to tell you the truth - you probably won't succeed with this girl one way or another now go write that email Well finally, someone tells it like it is. |
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Post by Bodhi on May 19, 2008 22:49:56 GMT -5
bodhi - when you had crushes on girls - why do you accept it as normal that you can like a girl so much that just picking up the phone turns you into a nervous wreck, yet after exactly the same amount of time of knowing her, you think you need to go through all these hoops in order to get 1/10 the interest from her? I think you just don't give yourself enough credibility in the attractiveness department I've read this a few times and still have absolutely no idea what you are trying to say??? I just disagree with that premise. I don't think there are these absolute categories that girls relegate guys into. Relationships are more fluid, and feelings can change. You can go from friends to lovers, lovers to friends, love to hate, hate to love, etc... If you think otherwise, you have a very limited view of human personality. |
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Post by Bodhi on May 19, 2008 22:55:19 GMT -5
Ball4yourout, just send her a nice, friendly email. You can always ask her out in the next email, but send an initial friendly email asking how she is and what she is doing this summer. I'm sure even Mr. Nice would agree that sending an initial friendly email can't hurt. You can gauge by her response(or none response) how she feels about you and proceed from there.
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Post by urbanspaceman on May 20, 2008 2:13:49 GMT -5
Personally I think you just need to get this email sent as soon as possible, it's only going to play on your mind far, far too much until you do from what I've read here. And at least that way you won't have the worst sort of feeling to have: regret that you never got round to doing it.
I'm far from an expert, just my two pennies worth.
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