Girl

[wapwawet]

Dec 20, 2008 8:46:53 GMT -5 Sweet Pea said:

Dec 20, 2008 8:36:36 GMT -5 @wapwawet said:

Thing is...I can't even say "hi!" to her. She probably thinks I'm a real prick. I really wish I could take someting to loosen me up.

okay...seriously, sometimes we have some work to do before we're ready for relationships. when social anxiety interferes, there's virtually always things we're saying to our ourselves that are creating problems. that's why cognitive behavioral therapy is usually indicated. it helps you to identify and analyze what types of tapes are running in your head, and causing you to behave the way you do. once you know what you're dealing with, then it's time to figure out what to do about it. there really is no pill or potion which can cure the problem though. have you tried working on the problem from this angle?

No, I haven't tried to curb my anxiety through CBT. I don't know, perhaps before I cure this problem, this girl will be far outta my reach. Oh well...

[Sweet Pea]

Dec 21, 2008 8:42:13 GMT -5 @wapwawet said:

Dec 20, 2008 8:46:53 GMT -5 Sweet Pea said:

okay...seriously, sometimes we have some work to do before we're ready for relationships. when social anxiety interferes, there's virtually always things we're saying to our ourselves that are creating problems. that's why cognitive behavioral therapy is usually indicated. it helps you to identify and analyze what types of tapes are running in your head, and causing you to behave the way you do. once you know what you're dealing with, then it's time to figure out what to do about it. there really is no pill or potion which can cure the problem though. have you tried working on the problem from this angle?

No, I haven't tried to curb my anxiety through CBT. I don't know, perhaps before I cure this problem, this girl will be far outta my reach. Oh well...

who knows? but gettin your anxiety under control would be huge, wouldn't it?

[rukryM]

Dec 21, 2008 8:42:13 GMT -5 @wapwawet said:

before I cure this problem, this girl will be far outta my reach.

And another one will appear sooner or later.

[wapwawet]

Dec 21, 2008 10:42:27 GMT -5 Sweet Pea said:

Dec 21, 2008 8:42:13 GMT -5 @wapwawet said:

No, I haven't tried to curb my anxiety through CBT. I don't know, perhaps before I cure this problem, this girl will be far outta my reach. Oh well...

who knows? but gettin your anxiety under control would be huge, wouldn't it?

well, by that time I'll be at least 30 years old, and a complete freak when it comes intimate to relationships.

[pnoopiepnats]

Dec 21, 2008 16:59:27 GMT -5 @wapwawet said:

Dec 21, 2008 10:42:27 GMT -5 Sweet Pea said:

who knows? but gettin your anxiety under control would be huge, wouldn't it?

well, by that time I'll be at least 30 years old, and a complete freak when it comes intimate to relationships.

Actually once people start and are consistent with cbt, they make huge improvements in just a few months.

If you don't do it, the time will still pass by and you are no closer to be less anxious than you were before.

[wapwawet]

Dec 21, 2008 17:18:31 GMT -5 @pnoopiepnats said:

Dec 21, 2008 16:59:27 GMT -5 @wapwawet said:

well, by that time I'll be at least 30 years old, and a complete freak when it comes intimate to relationships.

Actually once people start and are consistent with cbt, they make huge improvements in just a few months.

If you don't do it, the time will still pass by and you are no closer to be less anxious than you were before.

Yeah, I suppose. Have you tried it?

[pnoopiepnats]

Dec 22, 2008 9:25:26 GMT -5 @wapwawet said:

Dec 21, 2008 17:18:31 GMT -5 @pnoopiepnats said:

Actually once people start and are consistent with cbt, they make huge improvements in just a few months.

If you don't do it, the time will still pass by and you are no closer to be less anxious than you were before.

Yeah, I suppose. Have you tried it?

Yes and I was probaby a lot worse off than most on here.

[wapwawet]

Anyway, back on topic I was over-hearing some co-workers talk, and while it wasn't bad it makes me think I have alot of work to do. I heard someone say "she tried to talk to (my name, which he said in a lower tone),...said she was gonna leave him alone" I only caught snippets, but she is assuming I am probably very unfriendly, don't like her etc.

ON the bright side there was some forced interaction b/c I had a small item stolen from me in the breakroom, so I had to talk to her and another manager, she came up to me later and asked details about it. She got really close to me, (but she does that with everyone). Towards the end of the conversation she regarded me with this really warm smile, and held eye contact for many seconds. I think I tried smiling back, but I managed to hold the eye contact back. It felt awkward, though.

What I noticed is, her being close to me was, although nice and I liked it, made me really uncomfortable. It made me realize my issues are much more than "shyness." It's social anxiety. This makes sense that SA would cause this reaction, b/c physical closeness is the epitome of well...closeness lol.

EDIT: I'm listening to "Time is Slipping Away" by Course of Nature, in an effort to shove the idea that I'm wasting time into my thick skull.

[Sweet Pea]

Dec 23, 2008 8:45:01 GMT -5 @wapwawet said:

Anyway, back on topic I was over-hearing some co-workers talk, and while it wasn't bad it makes me think I have alot of work to do. I heard someone say "she tried to talk to (my name, which he said in a lower tone),...said she was gonna leave him alone" I only caught snippets, but she is assuming I am probably very unfriendly, don't like her etc.

ON the bright side there was some forced interaction b/c I had a small item stolen from me in the breakroom, so I had to talk to her and another manager, she came up to me later and asked details about it. She got really close to me, (but she does that with everyone). Towards the end of the conversation she regarded me with this really warm smile, and held eye contact for many seconds. I think I tried smiling back, but I managed to hold the eye contact back. It felt awkward, though.

What I noticed is, her being close to me was, although nice and I liked it, made me really uncomfortable. It made me realize my issues are much more than "shyness." It's social anxiety. This makes sense that SA would cause this reaction, b/c physical closeness is the epitome of well...closeness lol.

EDIT: I'm listening to "Time is Slipping Away" by Course of Nature, in an effort to shove the idea that I'm wasting time into my thick skull.

i think that song is more like an avoidant's anthem than a wake up call, lol. why not try to stay focused on the fact that you need to do something about this instead of getting more comfortable with inaction and avoidance? what are you doing to change the situation?

[wapwawet]

Well, I can't make any appointments with a doc until after the holidays. So...I dunno.

[wapwawet]

Well, I had to go to work to pick up my check today, as I was walking in I saw her and her (I assume) bf walking out. I was just going to walk past and not say anything, b/c of her bf there. But she went out of her way to say "merry christmas" to me. All I could manage was a low "you too." I was trying to forget about this problem on the holidays, I'll put it outta my head for the next two days, for the most part. But I'll still try and think of things to say to her. I have a limited time to get things started (1 month she goes to a diff shift).

[Sweet Pea]

Dec 24, 2008 9:58:56 GMT -5 @wapwawet said:

Well, I had to go to work to pick up my check today, as I was walking in I saw her and her (I assume) bf walking out. I was just going to walk past and not say anything, b/c of her bf there. But she went out of her way to say "merry christmas" to me. All I could manage was a low "you too." I was trying to forget about this problem on the holidays, I'll put it outta my head for the next two days, for the most part. But I'll still try and think of things to say to her. I have a limited time to get things started (1 month she goes to a diff shift).

i think it would be a better use of your time to make that appointment than it would be to pursue a women who's in a relationship. long-term it's more apt to bring you satisfaction.

[nelo]

That's the main problem I always have before I think about asking a girl out...I wonder if she's with someone already...for some reason, I think everyone is already taken.

[rukryM]

Yeah, nothing more awkward than being thrown down into the abyss when they reject you because they're seeing someone. And asking them is also very difficult^^.

[Sweet Pea]

Dec 24, 2008 16:20:08 GMT -5 rukryM said:

Yeah, nothing more awkward than being thrown down into the abyss when they reject you because they're seeing someone. And asking them is also very difficult^^.

they're not throwing you down into an abyss, you're throwing yourself down into an imaginary abyss you've constructed in your mind. someone you've never even gone out with or talked with to any great extent shouldn't be given that kind of power over your emotions. this is taking ultrasensitive to an extreme.