Girl

[wapwawet]

I need some assistance with this one girl I work with. Anyway, to summarize: She told me she liked me, flirted with me (I believe) for a few weeks, and I was too shy to reciprocate so time went by and she eventually got married. She is now divorced. BUT, she has a boyfriend already!

Is it safe to say she never thought I was interested back, b/c of my shy behavior? Well, I want to let her know that I am available, I don't want to do anything to cross any moral boundaries, but just to let her know I would definitely be interested if she were to get out of her present relationship. How do I go about doing this?

Also, would her interest be completely and utterly dead after all this time? (about a year has passed). It's just, she is this really nice and sweet girl (and she is pretty attractive too), and I don't want her to slip away completely. If she gets married again I am screwed lol! And yes, I know it was a quick turn around with it only being a year.

If someone has any advice, that would be great.

[rukryM]

She got married and then divorced again in less than a year, if I've got everything right here? And she's got herself another boyfriend? Sounds like a loose cannon to me, and I personally think that if you're going into a relationship with her, you need to be aware of her change in interest and feelings for the other part of the relationship {might be a little harsh judging her based on this, but I somehow get a feeling}. In other words, it sounds risky to me.

If you want to inform her about you being available, then the best way of doing this is telling her you're single. But just saying out right as it is might lead her to think you're planning on making her ditch her current boyfriend, so you need to get it in a context somehow. You can talk about relationships and then you can mention it. But I'd actually advise you not to do it, since she's already in a relationship. It'll maybe make things hard for her^^.

[MrNice]

I advise going after other girls

[Sweet Pea]

Dec 17, 2008 4:41:05 GMT -5 @wapwawet said:

I need some assistance with this one girl I work with. Anyway, to summarize: She told me she liked me, flirted with me (I believe) for a few weeks, and I was too shy to reciprocate so time went by and she eventually got married. She is now divorced. BUT, she has a boyfriend already!

Is it safe to say she never thought I was interested back, b/c of my shy behavior? Well, I want to let her know that I am available, I don't want to do anything to cross any moral boundaries, but just to let her know I would definitely be interested if she were to get out of her present relationship. How do I go about doing this?

Also, would her interest be completely and utterly dead after all this time? (about a year has passed). It's just, she is this really nice and sweet girl (and she is pretty attractive too), and I don't want her to slip away completely. If she gets married again I am screwed lol! And yes, I know it was a quick turn around with it only being a year.

If someone has any advice, that would be great.

i can't answer if her interest would be dead after a year, or how much interest there was... of course. about the short marriage, some shy women end up in serious relationships they're not really suited to because they are so passive they go with whoever comes along and asks them. don't know if that's true in her case though. if you want to let her know you're interested in her, you could say 'gee, where were you between getting divorced, and getting a new bf. you're too fast! slow down and give a guy a chance!' (or words to that effect). don't forget to smile, and wink if you can manage it...otherwise you might come across kinda scary, lol.

[pnoopiepnats]

She could be one of those train wreck girls who love the drama and have shallow feelings flitting from one to the next and can't stand to be alone.

So what is it exactly you like about her so much?

[wapwawet]

Dec 17, 2008 13:51:57 GMT -5 @pnoopiepnats said:

She could be one of those train wreck girls who love the drama and have shallow feelings flitting from one to the next and can't stand to be alone.

So what is it exactly you like about her so much?

umm...she's hot

Seriously (aside from) that, she just seemed like a really nice girl. Beyond that...I'm really not sure.

don't forget to smile, and wink if you can manage it...otherwise you might come across kinda scary, lol

Really? I was just thinking of narrowing my eyes and pursing my lips as I said it, but that's just me

[Sweet Pea]

Dec 17, 2008 18:27:17 GMT -5 @wapwawet said:

Dec 17, 2008 13:51:57 GMT -5 @pnoopiepnats said:

She could be one of those train wreck girls who love the drama and have shallow feelings flitting from one to the next and can't stand to be alone.

So what is it exactly you like about her so much?

umm...she's hot

Seriously (aside from) that, she just seemed like a really nice girl. Beyond that...I'm really not sure.

don't forget to smile, and wink if you can manage it...otherwise you might come across kinda scary, lol

Really? I was just thinking of narrowing my eyes and pursing my lips as I said it, but that's just me

hey, it never hurts to remind shy people about body language and facial expression, lol. if you're focusing too much on getting out something that's difficult to say to begin with, it's altogether too easy to forget about that part.

[wapwawet]

Dec 17, 2008 19:07:47 GMT -5 Sweet Pea said:

Dec 17, 2008 18:27:17 GMT -5 @wapwawet said:

umm...she's hot

Seriously (aside from) that, she just seemed like a really nice girl. Beyond that...I'm really not sure.



Really? I was just thinking of narrowing my eyes and pursing my lips as I said it, but that's just me

hey, it never hurts to remind shy people about body language and facial expression, lol. if you're focusing too much on getting out something that's difficult to say to begin with, it's altogether too easy to forget about that part.

yea I know, I was just joking.

[wapwawet]

****, maybe she doesn't like me. I asked to leave today fiften mintues early b/c of the weather, and she wouldn't let me. But she kinda had a smug smile on her face as she turned away, like she wasn paying her back for something? Dammit.

[MrNice]

I want to let her know that I am available

she already knows you are available
what you need to do at this point is to blatantly hit on her

[wapwawet]

Dec 19, 2008 13:07:38 GMT -5 MrNice said:

I want to let her know that I am available

she already knows you are available
what you need to do at this point is to blatantly hit on her

how would she know if I am available? I haven't told her.

Anyway, I posted this on another forum, and I was told to "move on." Conflicting opinions lol!

[MrNice]

how would she know if I am available? I haven't told her.

Anyway, I posted this on another forum, and I was told to "move on." Conflicting opinions lol!

you probably feel that flirting with her and 'moving on' (there is nothing to move on from) are two completely different directions in your life - but really, try not to think about it that way.

[Sweet Pea]

Dec 19, 2008 18:06:44 GMT -5 @wapwawet said:

Dec 19, 2008 13:07:38 GMT -5 MrNice said:

she already knows you are available
what you need to do at this point is to blatantly hit on her

how would she know if I am available? I haven't told her.

Anyway, I posted this on another forum, and I was told to "move on." Conflicting opinions lol!

i think you should ask her if she wants to take a little walk on the wild side before she gets hitched again.

[wapwawet]

Dec 19, 2008 19:42:38 GMT -5 Sweet Pea said:

Dec 19, 2008 18:06:44 GMT -5 @wapwawet said:

how would she know if I am available? I haven't told her.

Anyway, I posted this on another forum, and I was told to "move on." Conflicting opinions lol!

i think you should ask her if she wants to take a little walk on the wild side before she gets hitched again.

Thing is...I can't even say "hi!" to her. She probably thinks I'm a real prick. I really wish I could take someting to loosen me up.

[Sweet Pea]

Dec 20, 2008 8:36:36 GMT -5 @wapwawet said:

Dec 19, 2008 19:42:38 GMT -5 Sweet Pea said:

i think you should ask her if she wants to take a little walk on the wild side before she gets hitched again.

Thing is...I can't even say "hi!" to her. She probably thinks I'm a real prick. I really wish I could take someting to loosen me up.

okay...seriously, sometimes we have some work to do before we're ready for relationships. when social anxiety interferes, there's virtually always things we're saying to our ourselves that are creating problems. that's why cognitive behavioral therapy is usually indicated. it helps you to identify and analyze what types of tapes are running in your head, and causing you to behave the way you do. once you know what you're dealing with, then it's time to figure out what to do about it. there really is no pill or potion which can cure the problem though. have you tried working on the problem from this angle?