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Post by Sweet Pea on Jan 18, 2009 17:06:22 GMT -5
Best friends don't love each other romantically or shag {normally}. i think the difficulty you're having with the concept is a semantic thing. if you're in a relationship with someone you happen to also have a sexual relationship with, they can also be your best friend in the world - the person you turn to, rely on. |
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Post by rukryM on Jan 18, 2009 17:20:48 GMT -5
Maybe. My point is that in a marriage, the spouses aren't best friends, they're something more like that I've previously described.
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Post by Sweet Pea on Jan 18, 2009 17:27:07 GMT -5
Maybe. My point is that in a marriage, the spouses aren't best friends, they're something more like that I've previously described. so you're including the benefits of a best friend and adding on additional desired features to the marriage relationship. that's how envision it also. but many people do not. for many people a marriage/family is a hierarchical organization. usually with a dominant male at the head, and his mate(s) and children subservient. so i don't take for granted that everyone sees it my way. |
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Post by rukryM on Jan 18, 2009 17:39:03 GMT -5
On a superficial level yes, the fasade may be the same as being best friends but there is still something more than just the sex and those other "desired features" belonging in a marriage. I really don't know how to explain it other than that the type of love is another one. The Greek language has seven {I think} words for love, one between a child and its parents, one between friends, one between a married couple, one sexual type of love, etc. It just goes deeper and touches different areas of the minds of the spouses^^.
In a healthy marriage I think there is room for "mutual leadership"; sometimes the male makes the final decision, sometimes the female does. And sometimes they work towards getting agreed.
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Post by Sweet Pea on Jan 18, 2009 17:58:26 GMT -5
On a superficial level yes, the fasade may be the same as being best friends but there is still something more than just the sex and those other "desired features" belonging in a marriage. I really don't know how to explain it other than that the type of love is another one. The Greek language has seven {I think} words for love, one between a child and its parents, one between friends, one between a married couple, one sexual type of love, etc. It just goes deeper and touches different areas of the minds of the spouses^^. hmmm...still sounds to me like we're saying essentially the same thing. this discussion reminds me of the situation that often occurs where a guy has a male best friend and a wife. he turns to his best friend for advice, validation as a man and a human being, as well as companionship - rather than his wife. his wife he relies on for sex, validation that he's desireable as a male, and various other personal needs (cooking his meals, cleaning his house, doing his laundry, having & raising his kids, etc). some women want to be his best friend as well as his wife, she wants to be the person he turns to for advice, validation and companionship - not just sex and housekeeping. i think a strong spiritual connection is necessary to make a good marriage. i wouldn't be interested in a marriage without it. and by that i don't simply mean that you attend the same church. |
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Post by rukryM on Jan 18, 2009 18:24:21 GMT -5
Maybe, just wait until I get married myself, I think I'll know a lot more about how it works then than now since I'm just theorizing. Since I'm shy and all that it'll probably take some time though  . I think a healthy marriage can be non-religious but there's got to be some sort of soul mate-ish thing between the two. |
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Post by Sweet Pea on Jan 18, 2009 18:28:46 GMT -5
Maybe, just wait until I get married myself, I think I'll know a lot more about how it works then than now since I'm just theorizing. Since I'm shy and all that it'll probably take some time though . I think a healthy marriage can be non-religious but there's got to be some sort of soul mate-ish thing between the two. yeah, i'm not talking about 'religion'. to me spirituality and religion don't often co-occur...unfortunately. |
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Post by rukryM on Jan 18, 2009 18:40:37 GMT -5
I think it's somewhat dangerous to mix religion into the relationship as it often has clear rules on how both parts are supposed to live and behave, and when they let it govern their behavioural pattern spiritual and profound love things often are killed.
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Post by brightestdark on Jan 18, 2009 19:22:57 GMT -5
i don't recall ever having an attraction 'grow on me', so good luck with that. i'd be interested to hear about it if it does happen. This has happened to me once. There was a guy I knew, he was a friend of a friend. I didn't 'notice him' for at least the first couple of years of knowing him. His friend was the one who befriended me, as he was more outgoing and chatty, and he'd come up and flirt with me all the time - while the guy I later became attracted to was the shy quiet one that I never spoke to, because we were both too quiet to speak to the other. I just didn't think anything of him. Then he sent me a request on myspace, and then later I noticed he was single, and then one time we met and he gave me the biggest and best hug I've ever, ever had! After that I started thinking about him. I became more attracted to him because of his shyness than his looks I think. Usually I'm a perfectionist. I mean, I've been single for 15 years, mostly due to being shy and being picky. Most guys I'm just not attracted to. This guy I met on Friday though, he looked stunning in the first 3 pix I saw of him, but on Friday his face just looked chubbier, his hair was a little longer, he just looked more ordinary. But maybe because he's a nice person and part of me is almost craving love, the more I hang out with him the more I will like him. He did tell me he's friends with most of his exes (not just this one he hooked up with recently). He has loads of friends in his town. Me being shy, I have much less friends and prefer my own company. I do want to meet him again at the show we're going to at the weekend. I'll just hope he doesn't try and kiss me at the end and avoid getting close or just give him a quick hug and then distance myself! I haven't really given him too many signs since we met. He did come on msn again last night (two nights in a row - whereas previously he'd only been once a week!) so we chatted on there for an hour, but I didn't give any flirty signals or anything. Maybe he'll look better next weekend, who knows. We don't always look great every time we go out. I know I have bad days! We don't know each other that well so I wouldn't say we'd be friends becoming lovers even if it did happen. I think I'm just taking it slowly. It's been so long since I've been close to a guy I'm pretty scared of everything at the moment! Even if he did try to kiss me I think I'd pull away and I'd have to explain that I just want to take things really slowly. I can't even remember how to kiss! LOL. It's been that long since I actually kissed someone! |
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Post by Sweet Pea on Jan 19, 2009 1:19:13 GMT -5
It's been so long since I've been close to a guy I'm pretty scared of everything at the moment! Even if he did try to kiss me I think I'd pull away and I'd have to explain that I just want to take things really slowly. I can't even remember how to kiss! LOL. It's been that long since I actually kissed someone! don't worry...it's like riding a bike...you never forget how.  |
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Post by nelo on Jan 19, 2009 2:06:27 GMT -5
I don't know how to ride a bike...
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Post by Sweet Pea on Jan 19, 2009 2:17:07 GMT -5
I don't know how to ride a bike... well, she does. |
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Post by rukryM on Jan 19, 2009 9:52:38 GMT -5
I can't even remember how to kiss! LOL. It's been that long since I actually kissed someone! You'll remember it again the instant your lips are touching. And don't underestimate the tongue^^. |
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Post by brightestdark on Jan 20, 2009 14:06:52 GMT -5
I don't know how to ride a bike... well, she does. Haha. I actually rode a bike last year for the first time in about 20 years, and boy, was I was wobbly! I could bearing stay in a straight line. |
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Post by brightestdark on Jan 20, 2009 14:11:46 GMT -5
You'll remember it again the instant your lips are touching. And don't underestimate the tongue^^. Now that just scares me. I never really knew what you were supposed to do with your tongue. lol. I'm a sad, sorry case. God help the poor guy if he does try and kiss me. lol. |
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