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Post by anothershy1 on Jun 17, 2009 15:32:01 GMT -5
A girl I like leaves work this week we are frineds already so thinking of coming clean with the attached. Thoughts please.... Hi  Just thought I'd write you a short note to tell you how much I’ve enjoyed getting to know you over your time here. I can't remember when I had a more pleasant time. Everything felt so natural, and you were very easy to talk to. It's hard for me to figure out as you know I’m really shy what it is about you that attracts me so. I suppose it might be the combination of your great sense of humour, your charming personality and your good-looks. Whatever it is, I can sense its presence. You could call it chemistry, or better yet, the possibility that we are on the same wavelength. , I really hope that our working together was not our last contact because I felt great when I was with you. I [truly/really] want to give our friendship a chance to grow into something special. Well, I guess I've said enough for the time being. , have a wonderful time travelling and, hopefully, I'll see you again real soon. If you get a chance, write/call/text me and tell me your thoughts. Until I hear from you, take care of yourself. Always, |
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Post by fightingspirit on Jun 17, 2009 20:57:37 GMT -5
Are you planning to text it to her, write a note or say it to her?
Call me cynical, but I don't think it's going to work. Something like this might have been done 15-20 years ago when people weren't as superficial as they are today, but I know from experience that trying to play charming and non-threatening these days simply leads nowhere. If these responses are your true self then go ahead and send them I'd say.
My prediction is:
- At best she will respond: "Aww, that's cute" and never contact you again
- Middle of the road: "ok, byee" and never contact you again
- At the worst: "Leave me alone you creep" and naturally never contact you again.
My advice would be to just ask her to hang out during the weekend without explicitly saying that it's a date or that you enjoyed your time with her before. However, if you have never been rejected by a girl doing what comes naturally to you, then by all means go with your instinct. I hope it works better for you then it works for me!!
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Post by Naptaq on Jun 18, 2009 2:53:10 GMT -5
If you don't, you'll regret it. And you know it.
Do the best you can and whatever comes of it, comes. You can't knock yourself for trying since you can't control outcomes, only your effort, your actions.
However, I also perfectly understand if you won't do it.
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Post by anothershy1 on Jun 18, 2009 11:36:28 GMT -5
Here's the problem we already have a friendship bond which I don't want to lose. I told her how much I was going to miss her and she came back with appericating that and hopes that we keep in touch too.
So see the issue I could lose the lot!
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Post by Stranger on Jun 18, 2009 12:50:03 GMT -5
Here's the problem we already have a friendship bond which I don't want to lose. I told her how much I was going to miss her and she came back with appericating that and hopes that we keep in touch too. So see the issue I could lose the lot! Which "lot" are you referring to? It sounds like she wants to keep in touch with you, so you're not likely to lose the friendship unless you do something to creep her out. Personally, however, I think your message above is too forthcoming, and risks doing exactly that. Relationships, even long distance ones, usually go through a flirting phase before turning into anything more. Aside from being a buzz, it doesn't put pressure on the other to reciprocate should they not be interested. To illustrate the latter, consider how you'd feel if you received a message like your draft above from a girl you weren't attracted to, but were good friends with for a long time. Wouldn't you feel worse about saying no (and less likely to continue the friendship) than if you could simply not flirt back and continue being a friend? I'd recommend simply taking her lead to keep in touch, and if you're sure you want to be involved with someone far away (I'm assuming she's not coming back), then go the more normal route of flirting with her through chats or something. If she is coming back then just be patient, lol. |
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Post by MrNice on Jun 18, 2009 13:04:46 GMT -5
just ask her out
you have to take risks
if it doesn't work out and you really do enjoy each other's company as friends then you will stay friends
and if not - its just in your head and you will lose her anyway when she moves away
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Post by anothershy1 on Jun 18, 2009 15:02:27 GMT -5
So see the issue I could lose the lot![/quote]
Which "lot" are you referring to?
By lot I mean from the her prying me out of my shell and taking the time to get to know me been the friendly person she is and then having our little chats to where we are today.
Hope this answers it.
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Post by Stranger on Jun 18, 2009 17:48:35 GMT -5
By lot I mean from the her prying me out of my shell and taking the time to get to know me been the friendly person she is and then having our little chats to where we are today. Hope this answers it. It answers the question you quoted, but I don't think it changes anything else I wrote. |
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Post by Farouche on Jun 18, 2009 18:02:18 GMT -5
I really have to advise that you not send that email. Your instinct here is to pour out your heart. I appreciate that, but as a girl I can tell you that it's extremely off-putting. To be honest, it seems like the whole note is about you and your desires, even when you're ostensibly complimenting her. Like for instance, talking about the presence of chemistry, or "truly wanting the friendship to grow into something special." It's a bit presumptuous to talk about "chemistry" or truly wanting to allow the friendship to grow into a romance. Chemistry is something that two people have to mutually agree exists; "truly" wanting a relationship makes it sound like your feelings are the important ones here, when really it doesn't matter one iota what you "truly" want: if she likes you, she likes you, and if she doesn't, she doesn't, and that won't change based on how much you would like her to reciprocate. You can tell her that you'd like to get to know her better in a way that is honest and forthright without being cloying and overwhelming. She doesn't need to know specifically what attracts you to her; that's more something you might talk about with a girlfriend on your first anniversary of dating. It is too much, too soon. You're not proposing marriage; you're asking that she keep in touch and letting her know (or infer; girls seem to be pretty good at that) that you have feelings for her. So keep it light. Here's a basic idea of what I would consider an appropriate note to a friend who you like but who is going away, and with whom you have no romantic history: So-and-so,
I really enjoyed getting to know you during your time here. I'll miss joking about those things we always joked about, and doing those things we liked to do. [Etc, low-key inside joke.]
I'd like to take you out for coffee when you get back from your trip and see where things go. Keep in touch, and we'll talk.
Have a great trip, so-and-so.
Anothershy1 That's obviously not the greatest example ever, but you see the difference I'm trying to illustrate? It's much more casual, and it gives her plausible deniability if she chooses to interpret this as solely a friendly overture, and yet it's still quite clear that you like her, if she wants to see it. You can try the casual-but-direct approach in person, too, if that is an option. If you want her to keep the friendship intact even if she doesn't want to get involved romantically, make sure you give her a reason to do so. The way you've written this email, she basically has two options: declare that she's profoundly attracted to you, or back away from the relationship. If she likes you a little and wants to explore the possibilities next time she's in town, this puts her in a difficult position: does she casually date a guy who she knows has strong feelings for her? That can get very awkward, and she would have to weigh the fleeting possibility of a relationship against the likelihood that she'd just end up feeling guilty for "leading you on." Coming on too strong can put out a little kindling attraction the way a strong wind can kill a candle flame but invigorate a house fire. You don't even know if there's a candle flame there, yet. I remember you coming on here before with the idea of sending a girl flowers to let her know you have feelings for her. You seem to be stuck in this mode of thinking that your actions have to be big when your feelings are big, but you have to toss that thinking out the window. Be a suggestive sea breeze, not an overwhelming hurricane of want. Kudos for having the guts to make a move, but don't feel like you need to pour out your heart to do it. |
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Post by littledarling on Jun 19, 2009 11:59:15 GMT -5
For a shy person, Farouche <i>gets </i> social subtleties. Her response NAILED IT! You don't want to a creep a woman out, I'd send a much more ambiguous message like hers. And I agree that grand gestures are a bad idea if you aren't dating yet . . . a shy dude once brought flowers to my work by himself and waited for me to get done . . . I just thought it was really embarrassing!
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Post by anothershy1 on Jun 22, 2009 14:15:31 GMT -5
Thanks for all the advice I think I will leave it well alone all I've said on the one email I did send her was how much I'am going to miss her and hope we remain good friends.
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Post by missklew on Jun 22, 2009 22:01:02 GMT -5
I'm curious. Were you friends with other women there or just her?
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Post by anothershy1 on Jun 23, 2009 15:58:04 GMT -5
I speak to the other women there but she was the only friend made
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Post by arizona on Jun 25, 2009 20:15:03 GMT -5
It is a sad thing, but friendships rarely survive when someone "hints" they want more. It is an all or nothing gamble. If she is not interested in you romantically, you will lose her friendship. But maybe this wouldn't hurt any more than keeping it platonic and watching her walk off with someone else. That really hurts too.
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Post by missklew on Jun 26, 2009 6:22:46 GMT -5
It is a sad thing, but friendships rarely survive when someone "hints" they want more. It is an all or nothing gamble. If she is not interested in you romantically, you will lose her friendship. But maybe this wouldn't hurt any more than keeping it platonic and watching her walk off with someone else. That really hurts too. It is probably because of the dishonesty of the entire thing. If he didn't have feelings for her, he wouldn't have cultivated the friendship like he did. |
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