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Post by Outcast on Nov 4, 2018 8:33:55 GMT -5
Thanks again for sharing your advice/observation Strawberry. I believe common interests can also have a limit though. Interests can change over time too. Some may lose and change interests in any point in time. I've seen couples that don't share every interest they have and yet somehow their relationship still remains intact and strong. It's more than the interest and looks, its as if they share a common bond or something. I dunno. Have you ever liked someone, then liked something they liked which you previously didn't? I don't know, i think for some people that is a possibility. Yeah i probably keep note of what i seek in a partner. That might help a little bit. But i do know what kinda turns me off. Arrogant, conceited people. Those people who swear kinda puts me off too. But i do understand the need to sometimes. Oh, and inconsiderate people too. As I think I've said in another post....I don't think a couple needs to have EVERY single thing in common. Some people, perhaps it works...but I think there can also be too much time spent together. But again, it just totally depends on the individuals involved. Some people may feel the need to be 'joined at the hip' -- and maybe that's how it can be sometimes in the beginning anyway, I don't know. But you by no means need to have or expect to have every single thing in common. It's going to be natural that some interests won't coincide, and there is nothing wrong with that. Sometimes, especially with introverts, it's nice to do certain things alone anyway. I actually think it can be very healthy to keep and maintain your own interests/hobbies. And separate time with friends as well. That said...from my own experience and from my own perspective, it's very possible to just not have enough in common. If you're constantly compromising and the other doesn't seem to in return, it can feel very exhausting. Relationships are a two-way street and take different levels of compromise anyway. All relationships take work. If one puts in the effort, and the other doesn't, it's possible that person will get exhausted and stop trying -- which can lead to a point of doing the vast majority of things separate and feeling alone within the relationship anyway. Which is really not good. You are right about couples having a "bond." This can happen to begin with and may be a reason you want to start dating someone. But I think, over time, it can also strengthen. The more you go through together, the deeper that bond can get. As long as it's a healthy relationship, this is a great thing to happen. Interests can definitely be malleable too. Sometimes, one may be introduced to something new or a person can show you something you'd never even thought of looking into before. Long-term couples/marriages: my parents are an example of sharing certain interests that they might not have otherwise had individually. Again, they don't have everything in common -- but I don't think my mom would've been into watching old Westerns if it wasn't my dad that it appealed to first. And this makes me laugh -- but the last time I was there, I think it was around the lunch hour and my dad had the day off...they were eating lunch and he was with her as she was catching up on a soap opera. Now, he may not have stayed there and watched the whole thing....but here is where "respect" certainly comes in. I've gotten to a point where I kinda scoff at those types of shows (I try not to now, out of respect)....but he had lunch with her and didn't make any negative comments, and actually asked her some questions about it. I think that's really important. Mutual respect. Even if you're not totally into something the other is into, it's important to at least respect each other and not completely dis something the other likes. I think this is a good rule to follow in general anyway -- treat others as you want to be treated. Another thing my dad pointed out to me....if you live with someone, or just spend lots of time with someone, in a sense, you can adopt their habits over time...ways of speech, jokes, etc. Again, using my dad as an example...he tells some stereotypical 'bad/cheesy dad jokes' (whatever you want to call them) all the time. He can be pretty hilarious, honestly...he knows he makes us laugh even if he knows certain jokes themselves are kinda bad--that can make them even funnier really. I hate the way that sounds, because I quite love his sense of humor really. I've definitely grown to appreciate it even more over time, how he turns certain things into jokes...even when he intentionally pushes my buttons when I get into heated debates...I know he does it to try and make the conversation a bit lighter, which can work. I'm getting off topic. :S Anyway...I've noticed a lot that my younger brother especially will 'take his place' when I've visited and my dad isn't there -- making the same jokes, lol. I've also heard my mom make certain comments that sound like 'dad comments.' My dad especially likes to get quotes from shows or movies...sometimes ordinary quotes others might not make anything out of...and he'll just use it in every day speech. Example: "This corn is special." (line from the movie "Deliverance") Anyway...some of those quotes he'll say over and over again...some of us, especially my mom (and myself and my brother really)...will do the same thing. Oh, it warms my heart thinking of my family. But yeah, over time, I definitely see people act more and more alike. It goes both ways. Same could be said with friends...sharing the same experiences, laughs, speech, etc. I know when I dated my ex, I certainly picked up some of his phrases. (My dad had to point that out. ) It can be the cautionary thing, though...especially with young people making their way through the world. "Show me your friends, and I'll show you who you are." But yeah...in general, humans are social creatures and there can be certain expected trends in regards to who a person relates with or spends time with. The above is all over the place, I think, but I hope it makes some sense. :S It does make sense. Once again, thanks for sharing your thoughts and experience on the matter. All of them seem very insightful. I really should keep note of all of these.
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Post by Outcast on Nov 4, 2018 5:18:31 GMT -5
----------------------------- Yeah, when it started to feel like I was getting along with the geeky girl, I felt uncomfortable chatting with the other girls so I kinda stopped doing so. Especially, when some of them blew up or got mad at me for something I have said. Like, with one girl who barely talked to me and just gave short answers. I was trying to be friendly when I saw a new picture of hers in her profile. So I complimented her that she looked nice. Then she referred me to a more current picture of her. But there she was wearing shades. So I commented that it would have been nice if she had shown her eyes. Without the shades. I told her she had nice eyes from the other picture. Apparently, it was a mistake on my part. She blew up at me, and said why I was minding her pictures so much. Like I should mind my own business. And that I got a BIG problem. And that if I wanted to see her face, that I should go see her Facebook. That...was the last straw. Couldn’t take how scary and angry she was. Just decided to delete the convo and unmatched with her. Gosh. Am I in the wrong. Maybe I shouldn’t have commented on her picture. Running out of things to say to some of them. But thanks to Shyborg's list of topic links. I've managed to still keep it going somehow. But sometimes/oftentimes when i'm left alone to my own devices, i just come up with the most boring of questions/topics to say. Sometimes i even ask the same question i may have asked before. Oh man. No wonder one of the girls i chatted with said i was kinda boring and she felt like i was interrogating her. That girl deactivated her account on the dating site. She said she wanted to be alone for a while, and the site was becoming a distraction. So i kinda expressed how sad i was that she was leaving, so she felt sorry for me and left me her mobile number. Sometimes i still try to text her as a friend. Albeit as a boring friend at that. The crush i had, is working in another country. I think she is looking for someone with lots of money, so i kinda given up on her. Another one just didn't reply to me anymore and may have been turned off by my interests. Oh well. Sometimes i think of just changing my interests and hobbies. One that won't make me feel ashamed of myself. Or make other thinks i'm weird.Ok. Tried talking to someone new after those experiences, but behold. I gave her the impression of being suicidal?! Man, that was something new. She is a fun loving religious kind of girl who likes to laugh and sometimes tease people. So she was a bit hesitant to reply back to me because i looked too serious. But when i tried making a joke, she took it seriously. It seems she's the only one who can make jokes. So i was very careful talking to her. Eventually, her jokes were a bit too much for me. So i just politely thanked her and backed away. She's from a different religion anyway, so from the start i knew there wasn't really any hope. I thought i could be friends with her at least. But i just couldn't take or handle her "bubbly" teasing/joking personality. Since i do have a few things in common with the geeky girl,i'm considering trying to meet with her in the future. Sometimes though i am a bit hesitant/nervous. Maybe because she's of a different ethnicity to me. I dunno. I guess it won't hurt to try.I guess that's the update i have for now. Thanks for all the advice, tips, compliments/support and links again Strawberry. Yeah I think being honest about who I am is the way to go to finding someone who will genuinely like me for who I am. I guess I still have a long way to go. I think it’s back to the drawing board if things don’t work alright with geeky girl. I have a few things in common with geeky girl, so I can appreciate that. She also had more to say when we talk. I was more of a listener. So that made things easier for me, on being myself. But maybe made me a little bit lazy. Maybe I got too comfortable with her. Or I don’t know. Well, you can check what happened with geeky girl from my reply to Shyborg. If things don’t work out. I will just have to try again. But I am a little bit cautious now. And it’s a bit hard when I try to look for girls that have the same interest as me. Anyways, when I look at the mirror, and I sometimes see this worn out face of mine, I try to pick myself up and psych myself up to think positive. I think that’s how it should be. And this is all just part of life. It is hard to get a response from the girls at the dating site. Maybe I just didn’t care how many I tried to messaged, so I did get a few responses. And I did my best to pester them with questions to keep the conversation going. Maybe I was just lucky I met with some kind or patient girls. In the end it didn’t last long. Either I turned them off with something that I did or say, bored them, ran out of things to say , or suddenly cooled off the daily conversations because I didn’t want to lead them on, when I was considering this other girl.
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Post by Outcast on Nov 4, 2018 4:43:57 GMT -5
Running out of things to say to some of them. But thanks to Shyborg's list of topic links. I've managed to still keep it going somehow. Yeah it did. But I don’t rely on it too much, well because I easily forget them, and maybe I want to practice without relying on them too much. Yes. She did give me a similar advice. Of sharing more about myself and my experiences, even if it wasn’t asked of me. I dunno. Like my interest to watch Korean dramas and sometimes Japanese anime? Or that I still play video games sometimes. I’ve somewhat controlled my playing of video games now though. But every once in a while I still do. But I feel either interests may still be an obstacle or a liability when I really need to get out there and socialize, or do something more productive of my time. I also feel those are things a man of my age should like or should be doing. . Hmmm..yeah I do seem like it doesn’t it? Acting more warmly? How do I go about doing that? Hehe. Stupid question right? Ok. I will try to see if I can change how I act? To something warmer. . Yup. We did meet. Actually we did meet up 2 times already. I met with her the first time last week. Then met with her again this week during a holiday. The meetings with her was ok. We were able to talk about things continuously so there wasn’t a time that there was any silence or whatsoever. But I may have messed up afterwards. It was the day after the second meeting, she messaged me that she wanted to see this movie and that she was going to see it at either Mall A or Mall B? Then I asked her if she couldn’t see the movie at Mall C which was nearer to her home. She then answered that the movie was also showing at Mall C so she might watch it there. Then she asked why I asked and asked if I wanted to tag along. So I asked what time she was watching the movie. She said she planned to go at 6pm since it was still hot outside. Unfortunately, I always pick up my mom around that time. So I told her I won’t be able to tag along with her, and asked her to tell me what happens in the movie instead. After a while, she replied ok. It was a very short answer from her usually long answers. So I should have guessed something was wrong at that point. Later I kept asking her about the movie but she never replied. I then said I was sorry I wasn’t able to tag along, and if she won’t talk to me anymore? She replied the next day, saying she didn’t see the movie and decided that she was going to see it elsewhere. Near where she worked. She said sorry as well and that it was because she was embarrassed and disappointed and has a temper like her dad. I explained I had to fetch my mom around that time. So I invited her if she would like to meet next week instead and watch a movie. She said that we make time for the things we really want to do. Otherwise it just shows that we really did not want to do it. If there is a will, there is a way. She won’t ask again. She doesn’t like assuming and it just sets her up for disappointment. She also answered my invitation to a movie next weekend. She said she had plans with a different friend that Saturday. And on Sunday, she is going to see a musical. She said she didn’t want to encroach on my time. She also said she doesn’t mind making compromises, but doesn’t think she can have a relationship with someone who just sees her when it’s convenient for them. She knows how to adjust her schedule and make the effort to travel long distances. Especially if it’s people she really wants to see. She says she’s not mad at me but mad at herself for setting herself up for disappointment. And that she’s learned her lesson. She said that I should say what I think because we are not mind readers. So I guessed I messed up by not being able to adjust my schedule and make time for her. Whereas I was deliberating if meeting up with her again so soon after we just did the other day was too fast or early. Gosh, this dating and relationship thing sure is hard. She messaged me again to say, “ Please let me know if you need me to adjust my plans to make time for you, okay? “ and I replied that I will let her know. I couldn’t think of anything better to say. I think I was scolded and told off. With the “I can’t have a relationship with someone who is this and that.”. So I am a bit confused right now, and don’t know what to do or say.
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Post by Outcast on Oct 26, 2018 22:29:18 GMT -5
Some sad songs that i like.
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Post by Outcast on Oct 23, 2018 21:01:34 GMT -5
Hmmm.. So i took the test again.
Looks like my perspective has changed a bit.
Your Existing Situation
Yup. Been sensitive and easily affected by what others say or feel. Well, looking for them in bottled app, slowly app, skout app, and dating sites i guess.
Your Stress Sources
Yeah. I believe i don't have much freedom/control in my life. A lot of people dictate what i should do or should be doing.
Your Restrained Characteristics
I think i'm trying to act/do/like what i see normally do/act/like. Who isn't bothered when he/she is misunderstood.
No comment on the last part.
Your Desired Objective
Yeah guess that's what you look for in a dating site.
Your Actual Problem
Typical trait of an INFP personality.
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Post by Outcast on Oct 23, 2018 2:36:26 GMT -5
Running out of things to say to some of them. But thanks to Shyborg's list of topic links. I've managed to still keep it going somehow.
But sometimes/oftentimes when i'm left alone to my own devices, i just come up with the most boring of questions/topics to say. Sometimes i even ask the same question i may have asked before.
Oh man. No wonder one of the girls i chatted with said i was kinda boring and she felt like i was interrogating her. That girl deactivated her account on the dating site. She said she wanted to be alone for a while, and the site was becoming a distraction. So i kinda expressed how sad i was that she was leaving, so she felt sorry for me and left me her mobile number. Sometimes i still try to text her as a friend. Albeit as a boring friend at that.
The crush i had, is working in another country. I think she is looking for someone with lots of money, so i kinda given up on her.
Another one just didn't reply to me anymore and may have been turned off by my interests. Oh well. Sometimes i think of just changing my interests and hobbies. One that won't make me feel ashamed of myself. Or make other thinks i'm weird.
Ok. Tried talking to someone new after those experiences, but behold. I gave her the impression of being suicidal?! Man, that was something new. She is a fun loving religious kind of girl who likes to laugh and sometimes tease people. So she was a bit hesitant to reply back to me because i looked too serious. But when i tried making a joke, she took it seriously. It seems she's the only one who can make jokes. So i was very careful talking to her. Eventually, her jokes were a bit too much for me. So i just politely thanked her and backed away. She's from a different religion anyway, so from the start i knew there wasn't really any hope. I thought i could be friends with her at least. But i just couldn't take or handle her "bubbly" teasing/joking personality.
Since i do have a few things in common with the geeky girl,i'm considering trying to meet with her in the future. Sometimes though i am a bit hesitant/nervous. Maybe because she's of a different ethnicity to me. I dunno. I guess it won't hurt to try.
I guess that's the update i have for now.
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Post by Outcast on Oct 18, 2018 9:40:56 GMT -5
Well,the crush i mentioned finally replied and thanked me. Then she asked where i was from. I answered her and asked her the same question. Guess what? Yup. No reply. Haha. At least she seems to be ok now. Anyways, maybe shes just shy. I wont make anymore assumptions.
Amazingly, the geeky girl seems to like the songs of my favorite bands. Go figure. She said she has last song syndrome. She cant get the last songs i mentioned out of her head. =P. She's even excited about a movie about one of my favorite bands.
Well, eventually i guess all of them will know me better and my circumstances in life. Then its gonna be back to square one again i guess. At least i got to practice and experience these things.Right? 😛
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Post by Outcast on Oct 18, 2018 3:27:31 GMT -5
Yes -- there really should be some sort of attraction. I think for guys, physical attraction is HUGE. Just, from what I see/hear. It's definitely the first thing a guy would notice. And I mean, women too.....but I can't be the only one that doesn't see it as a main thing, though. I don't think. I mean...the meaning of what it is to be "attractive" is different to everyone too. Body shape...certain physical attributes....some people have a "type." But there can be the seemingly smaller qualities that are attractive to people...such as a "nice smile" or looking genuine, not necessarily about body type and physical fitness or whatever. Like everything else, it's different for everyone. It's really only something you can know. I wouldn't put too much emphasis on certain similarities...or quiet/shy....as I feel you don't necessarily know what it is you want. It may just take getting to know different people, dating a few different people, to see what it is you like about someone. Are there certain qualities you are drawn to? Or personalities you're drawn to? Think of crushes you have had in the past. Just because you're shy/introverted, doesn't necessarily mean you can't date someone who's extroverted. Again, people are on a spectrum....some are extremely introverted and others are extremely extroverted...these two types may not be the best fit. But there are many that are in between. Sometimes different qualities can complement each other. Some introverted people may not generally be attracted to extroverted people and vice versa. Or the opposite can be true. Some may be attracted to the opposite. Again, there are varying degrees of each and most people aren't extreme either way. It depends on what each is wanting to find in a partner. I hear a lot of people talk about doing tons of things every weekend, and personally, that would be way too exhausting to me. Others may seek that out in a partner. It just really depends. I know it would be easiest to just get all the answers from someone, but really you just have to try through trial-and-error. I think something that can be unfortunate is that even if a shy/introvert would get along best with another shy/introvert, it can be a difficult match to make unless one is willing to make the move. It seems to me, those with less experience may only get experience if a more extroverted or more forward person "breaks" them, so to speak. Not that that's a bad thing per se. Just an observation. Thanks again for sharing your advice/observation Strawberry. I believe common interests can also have a limit though. Interests can change over time too. Some may lose and change interests in any point in time. I've seen couples that don't share every interest they have and yet somehow their relationship still remains intact and strong. It's more than the interest and looks, its as if they share a common bond or something. I dunno. Have you ever liked someone, then liked something they liked which you previously didn't? I don't know, i think for some people that is a possibility. Yeah i probably keep note of what i seek in a partner. That might help a little bit. But i do know what kinda turns me off. Arrogant, conceited people. Those people who swear kinda puts me off too. But i do understand the need to sometimes. Oh, and inconsiderate people too.
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Post by Outcast on Oct 18, 2018 2:46:19 GMT -5
I think it's fine to chat to multiple girls, if you're just talking. What gets sketchy is if a person shows they're super interested in someone yet continues talking to others. It is important to have a basic idea of what it is you want. Especially if you're undecided about whether you're in it just for "fun" or looking for a serious relationship. Those who want the serious relationship wouldn't want to waste their time if the person isn't truly interested. I would think men get that intuitive feeling as well...gut instinct or whatever. But I don't know. Again, could be an individual thing and not even necessarily a woman or man thing to feel. Keep in mind that a profile is just a snippet into the mindset of a person. There really isn't a way to know if you'll get along until you have proper conversations and/or meet up with someone. Yeah, i think i'm getting way in over my head here. I'm interested in 4 girls i'm chatting with, but i'm actually chatting with 6 girls. The other two is the geeky girl and another one is a girl i'm chatting just as a friend. I don't know if any of the 4 girls i'm interested in will work in the future. So i'm trying to see who i can click with if any. Of course, its still too early to tell. It may well be just wishful thinking in my part. I've only chatted with them a few times. But i am getting apprehensive if what i'm doing is still ok. I've yet to see them in person or meet/date with them. I don't know . The crush that went offline the other day went online again. So i think she saw my apology. I told her in the apology that it wasn't that i didn't like her, i do. But i just thought i wasn't the kind of guy she was looking for based on some of the information i've read on her profile. I've tried to reach out to her again. But she's yet to respond (again). Maybe i got it all wrong again. At least she's online again. But i don't want her to believe that i'm insincere. I am interested in them, and i would like to show them i am interested. But like you said, if it's like that, then it becomes a bit sketchy. So yeah i dunno. Of course i would like to show them i am sincere. But maybe i think i should do it one at a time? And not at the same time i suppose? Should i just chat to get to know them without showing interest?
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Post by Outcast on Oct 17, 2018 7:53:33 GMT -5
I feel really guilty about this. I may have let my negativity and insecurity hurt the girl i liked. Maybe she was just being shy or quiet. I don't know. She hasn't logged back in since i wished her luck finding another guy. *argh* She didn't get to see my apology yet. I hope logs back in.
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Post by Outcast on Oct 17, 2018 6:47:40 GMT -5
Ok. I read a profile that this girl had experienced someone saying he's into her but actually chatting with other girls. Uh oh. Sounds like what i'm doing. Gosh, so i need to chat with only one girl then? Wait. I guess i can chat with many girls as long as im not into them yet, and just trying to get to know them right? I don't know. My head is confused on what type of girl i'm really looking for/ what type of girl i should be looking for, if i want the relationship to last. I guess women have "women's intuition" to know that he is "the one" they are looking for. There was this other profile i read. This girl love doing this, that, and this. Then goes on to say, if you love any of those, then we might get along. If you love all three, then you might be the love of my life or was it the one im looking for. Something along those lines. Ok. So since most of the girls on the site loves "travelling", i usually have to skip them. Since yeah, not that into "travelling" all the time. Though there are a few who do like staying home on friday nights. But their other interests didn't quite appeal that much to me. So sometimes in frustration, i just give things a try. See if there's a response. That kinda helps me as well, as i get used to being ignored a bit/or rejected. Sometimes i think i am getting quite used to it, so i tend to try more often than i would like to.
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Post by Outcast on Oct 17, 2018 6:31:59 GMT -5
hmm... If it's either/or....I'd definitely go out with the person that seemed to have common interests. It's possible that, through sharing common interests, the 'feeling' could show up. Worst-case scenario, you have a fun/pleasant time. That could be the perspective of being female, though. I have a feeling more women look beyond looks more often than men. The way the question is phrased, it seems to me there's no chance of having common interests with said person you're initially attracted to. Looks alone means nothing to me, personally. It could be an extremely boring night. If that's all that's there, all it would be is a one-night-stand. Personally, that wouldn't mean anything to me. I see. Thanks for sharing your thoughts on the subject Strawberry. You might be right that looks alone might have you ending up with a boring date if you have nothing much to talk about. I don't know. I thought relationships usually start with one's attraction to another. So i should be looking for someone with similar interests as me, or if we get along while we talk i guess. Someone that's similar to me? If its someone similar to me, then she must also be an introvert? or shy? Sometimes i get confused, with the personality type being more compatible to this other personality type. Usually the opposite of your own personality. Introvert being compatible to an Extrovert and so on.
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Post by Outcast on Oct 17, 2018 0:29:31 GMT -5
I think the comments above indicate it's better to meet up with someone in person sooner rather than later. Of course, then again, I see what you mean about talking with others to see how you get along. It's complicated these days. Way too complicated. I know my younger sister mentioned she wished that people still "date." I was kinda surprised by what she said, then again, I suppose I'm not. In her words...people don't date anymore. She says it's starts as "talking" and mentioned...if you start "talking" to someone...or go on a date and continue to "talk" to said person...you can't "talk" to anyone else. I don't know...it's pretty stupid to me. But I also think it comes down to the fact that people jump into bed with someone too soon these days. Dates are no longer just "dates." If they were, then a person could meet up with various people w/o it being relationship-like. I feel I'm not making sense...basically she makes it sound like if a person goes on a date with someone, and they continue to talk, then you can't really try dates out with other people, because you're becoming vested in that one person. And if you wander to someone else, it's looked down upon or something. I don't know. It sounds stupid to me when I try to explain. Because I wouldn't think it would matter, as long as the relationship hasn't gotten 'official' or 'physical.' It may be a generational thing. I should've probably warned you...I really don't have much experience myself. I like to observe from the outside mostly. Not in a creepy way :S, just generally interested in the study of relationship dynamics. When it's not happening to me, it's quite fascinating. Anyway, the only way to know if the girl is interested in a date with you is to just ask her. There is no other way to know. If she is still talking to you on a dating site, I would think that's a clear sign she would be interested on going on a date with you. I think i know what you and your sister mean. That once you "date" then your kinda vested in one another. Maybe that's why i see so many " i don't want to waste my time " , " i'm looking for a serious relationship " in women's profiles. But then again, there were some who just wanted short term dating, open to open relationships, hookups. For me, i though dating was another chance to test the waters to see if you click or not. Or whether you want to see each other again. It's also confusing how some would write that they don't like to waste their time, but are still open to meet "friends". But when i try to just try and want to be friends, they don't reply back. I dunno.
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Post by Outcast on Oct 17, 2018 0:23:33 GMT -5
Sometimes, i think i just don't know what i'm doing. And if i'm doing it right. If i click on the girls basing it on physical attraction, often times i later get to see their profile and age. And the age gap is a bit big. I don't want to creep the girls out. How much age difference should i be going for? I'm not sure if physical attraction is all it takes. What else should i be looking for. I think the most likely compatible person would be someone shy and quiet like me right? I don't think opposites really attract. Maybe in some cases, im not sure. What are some of the things do you guys look for, to help you decide if you want to date a guy/girl or go for that second date? Anyways, i guess i'll just have to roll with the punches for the meantime. Do you get to set the age range on the site? I'm pretty sure most let you set a range. I think it depends on how old you are. If you were 25...I would say a 10 year age difference can be way too big...1) 15 would clearly be too young; 2) a lot of changes happen in your twenties. It also depends on maturity level. Personally...and no offense is meant to anyone out there who may take offense...but I would see it as getting to be too big of a difference if someone had hit puberty before I was even born. Not even in just the weirdness in thinking that (but yes, mostly that)...but also the generational difference can affect the way one perceives the world. If that makes sense. I've always been attracted to older guys, personally, but that would be too much of a stretch for me. And also, it would be tough to think about that big age difference in terms of getting older. If you were 35 and she was 25, I don't think the 10 year age difference is too bad. Especially if she's mature. Lifestyles can play a big part in that too. Everyone is different. A specific age doesn't necessarily have to matter, as long as there are similarities in lifestyles. In other words...it doesn't sound like you'd want to date someone who parties all the time, so maybe stay clear of those in their early twenties. Unless you're just looking for fun. Then again, not everyone in their early twenties necessarily likes to party. You're right that physical attractiveness is NOT all it takes. Biologically, it's a big factor in itself, but definitely not the only thing to focus on if you're looking for long-term dating or a life partner. But it does matter to a degree. If you're not physically attracted to someone to begin with, a serious relationship probably won't work. Looks do change over time too, though, so hopefully you'd have enough in common to continue a long-term relationship, if that's what you want. Consider what qualities you'd like to find in a partner...someone who shares the same sense of humor? Someone who's trustworthy, honest, kind? You may just have to meet a few people to start finding out what appeals to you. Even if you have a date with someone that doesn't turn out well, it could at least give you some clarity on what it is you are looking for. This is really helpful advice thanks. I don't know how to respond to it in any other way.
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Post by Outcast on Oct 17, 2018 0:17:32 GMT -5
To me...if you're on a dating site, I'd say a few messages/conversations back and forth initially can help. But set up a meeting/date sooner rather than later. No need in letting a lot of time pass by. Waiting, say 4 weeks, would be too long. I mean, if that's what happens naturally due to whatever outside factors, that's fine. But I'd suggest trying to set up a date within a couple of weeks. It's possible to get along with someone initially online but then once you meet, you may not feel the same connection. Better to get that sorted sooner rather than later, so that you can look elsewhere if it doesn't work out. In regards to a date, best to set up initial dates in a public space. Immediately suggesting watching a movie at home would suggest all you're looking for is to get laid...unless that's what you want, lol. But I know that's the impression people get. Try to set up something fun and/or laid-back. A fun activity can reduce the tension of what may feel like a forced meeting at first. And help you put your focus on something other than you thoughts and analyzing every little detail. And give you something else to talk about. When meeting someone for the first time, try to take the pressure off it by looking at it as meeting up with a friend. Try and let things flow naturally. I know, easier said than done. Hmmm. Those are pretty good advice Strawberry. Thanks. Ok. What if the other person your chatting with doesn't agree to meet with you after 4 weeks? Should i stop chatting with her? I made a "mistake" of asking her out in less than a week. I think she just wants to be friends for the meantime. There's also this other girl that i've been chatting with who's into geeky things like me. So we do have some more things we're comfortable talking about. Still, i do find some things that we don't agree on like certain foods and stuff. I'm not physically that attracted to her, but i think i can be myself more with her. Ok. There's more. I know. I know. I was just kept trying things out blindly. Hoping one would respond. There's this other girl who lives a bit far from the city. I think she's pretty nice and friendly to talk to. We just chatted like we exchanged letters for the day. Not in real time chat. Then there was this girl i liked in the dating site, that suddenly responded to a remark i made after SEVERAL messages unanswered. But then it's really difficult to talk to her since she doesn't answer back. She only replied to me TWICE! I told her recently that i felt that she didn't like me, so wished her luck in finding the right guy. But then i felt really guilty after that. That i kinda let her down. So i ended up apologizing. *argh* I'm so weird right? Am i being a player now? I just feel lonesome sometimes when they don't respond right away. That i want to look for other people to talk to.
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