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Diary
Sept 20, 2015 6:45:29 GMT -5
Post by silence on Sept 20, 2015 6:45:29 GMT -5
^ Well I guess you only have to have to impress one company to get a job! The rest don't matter in the long run  I now only have a week and a half left at work and I'm getting a little bit panicky. I have applied for one job where I work in a different department and although I'm really glad I did it it's really not a job I want. I'm going to ask for Thursday and Friday off this week just so I can get some applications out and so I can use up a bit more of my leave (I think I have something stupid like 13 days left which I obviously won't be able to use up, oh well). Also the section I'm working on is going to close in October and their having a meal out to say goodbye to everyone who has worked there and I've been invited and I'm planning on going. I won't know a lot of the people there and I'll have to drive to the venue but I think it'll do me good to get out a bit more. |
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Diary
Sept 22, 2015 10:22:06 GMT -5
Post by silence on Sept 22, 2015 10:22:06 GMT -5
So had some goodish news at work today. As we still haven't received our official notice letters they've had to keep us longer. From the date we receive the letter we have 5 weeks unitl we have to leave. Which means even if we receive the letter next week we at least have the until the end of October in a job. I have Thursday and Friday off which I was originally going to spend applying for jobs I'm now going to have a bit of a relax! Yes! I get to go back to avoiding the inevitable for another 5 weeks  |
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Diary
Sept 22, 2015 11:52:45 GMT -5
Post by Scotty on Sept 22, 2015 11:52:45 GMT -5
Awww, that's good that you get some extra time! |
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Diary
Oct 9, 2015 15:38:17 GMT -5
Post by silence on Oct 9, 2015 15:38:17 GMT -5
Thanks Scotty yeah it's nice not having the pressure hanging over me. (Warning! This isn't the most coherent post I've ever made and its in no particular order) It's starting to look like they really messed up with the contracts having read through mine again and having had the man responsible for the HR side of things ask me about it. It appears there was no clause or any mention of terminating the contact early. My other colleague has joined the Union and is having them fight his case. He has suggested I joined as well but it’s not really something I was interested in as I don't want to cause a fuss and I know people will get in trouble for messing this up. But I am going to try and talk to them next week I've started to get paranoid they’ll start trying to get rid of us in any way possible. Obviously they don’t want us there and the work has slowed down so if they could get rid of us through discipline or performance issues that would be the easiest way for them and the Union would help protect me from that. Although right now I am feeling like the worst most hideous person ever blah I'm a mess. The people I work with definitely think I'm younger than I am and I've never corrected them so it’s going to be really embarrassing when they found out how old I am. They’re all older ladies and today I had to sit and listen them talk about their children and all their achievements and complain about their friends 30 year old son who never goes out and still lives with his parents and how sad that is, and I'm just sitting there thinkings but that’s my life! They’ll probably end up thinking I'm just as pathetic as he is  Wow I feel I have a lot to talk/complain about. So last Friday I had a job interview for a job in the office next to mine. I wasn't really interested in the job as it’s a bit too intense and I just don’t think I would be able to cope with what they have to do and I'm just really incompetent it would be really bad if I messed up there. I applied just because there was some office pressure and I want the interview experience. Anyway my nerves were really bad the few days leading up to it I really have no idea how to cope with them. I was so worried the interview would be really strict and I would just go blank. But the interview itself turned out to be completely different than what I expected the questions were really strange and it wasn't in the standard competency format which totally threw me off. In a way it made it easier because I didn't have to talk for so long but I did really struggle knowing what answer they wanted me to give. They obviously weren't happy with some of my answers and kept asking the questions in different ways but I really was not understanding and honestly I was getting annoyed at them. But I did survive the interview and I was really please I got through it. I wasn't surprised when I was told on Wednesday that I didn't get the job and even though I didn't want it I couldn't help be slightly annoyed at the feedback they gave they said I had limited knowledge of what the job was but only asked me for a brief overview of what they did at the start and said I didn't have the right experience to do the job, I MEAN OF COURSE I DON’T HAVE EXPERIENCE OF WHAT YOU DO I HAVEN’T WORKED THERE BEFORE THAT’S WAY I'M APPLYING FOR THE JOB. It was pointed out to me that as they messed up the application process/interview I could appeal but as I never wanted the job in the first place I really don’t want to go there sigh. I have a feeling they already knew who they wanted to employ and just had to go through the motions of interviewing other people. The other thing that happened last week my one of my colleagues left (the one with the family) he managed to get an even better job and I was really happy for him. We got on quite well he was a gamer so we often talked about the latest games and such. I had really wanted to stay in touch with him, I was going to ask to add me on Steam but I was too nervous and now it’s too late There was a small leaving presentation for him and at the end people came up to him and hugged him/shook his hand so I thought I’d be brave and put myself forward. I walked up to him and as I was mid poised to go into a hug someone started talking and took his attention so I was just left hanging there…and then someone else made an announcement it was really awkward but eventually I got a hug and then left quickly. But that was the last couple of weeks for me. I really need to start writing more regularly otherwise I just end up having so much to write at once. Apologies for the length/mistakes. Congrats if you managed to get through any of it |
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Post by silence on Oct 16, 2015 15:58:57 GMT -5
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Diary
Oct 17, 2015 15:59:39 GMT -5
Post by Scotty on Oct 17, 2015 15:59:39 GMT -5
Awww, nice pics! Thanks for sharing! I sometimes think it would be nice to be a child again. I miss all the free time I had. |
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Diary
Oct 18, 2015 5:04:39 GMT -5
Post by puppet on Oct 18, 2015 5:04:39 GMT -5
Great pics!
The world we live in is wrong. Not us.
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Diary
Oct 18, 2015 12:57:40 GMT -5
Post by silence on Oct 18, 2015 12:57:40 GMT -5
Thanks both! I wanted it to be a journey of how I've gone from being an awkward child into a strong confident woman but it didn't really turn out like that I think I miss the happiness and not over thinking everything all the time from being a child. |
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Diary
Oct 19, 2015 7:31:55 GMT -5
Post by CharlotteGirl on Oct 19, 2015 7:31:55 GMT -5
Yes, great pics! Thanks for sharing! |
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Diary
Oct 20, 2015 3:17:33 GMT -5
Post by Outcast on Oct 20, 2015 3:17:33 GMT -5
Nice pictures. You must have remembered some very happy moments and memories from looking at those.
I can relate with how different i was when i was a kid. There was a time i was active as well, and not as shy/quiet as i am today.
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Diary
Oct 23, 2015 11:22:35 GMT -5
Post by silence on Oct 23, 2015 11:22:35 GMT -5
Thank you CharlotteGirl and outcast! Yes there were many happy memories So at work I've left the office I was working in and I'm now back to where I was. It was sad to see the office close, two of the ladies who job shared are gone now but it was really nice as the line manager brought us flowers and chocolates. I really like having fresh flowers in my room! Still not heard anything about my contract. My colleague has been applying for different jobs and I starting to get worried I'll be left behind. So I'm going to try to apply for some things this weekend! |
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Diary
Oct 29, 2015 17:20:14 GMT -5
Post by silence on Oct 29, 2015 17:20:14 GMT -5
ugh the twerking teacher was back at Zumba
Her and her whoops
So tomorrow I'm going to a meal with colleagues to celebrate the end of where I was working. First this means I have to drive there which I'm nervous about. Then I have to socialise with people. I'm going to be around a lot of people and I only know a few of them while they all know each other. I will definitely feel like an outside. I have no idea who I'll be sitting with but I always feel bad for people who get put next to me because I'll be awful at conversation ugh. I hope I get to relax and just have a nice time.
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Diary
Nov 1, 2015 11:57:43 GMT -5
Post by silence on Nov 1, 2015 11:57:43 GMT -5
So my night out was ok. I turned up early when I went into the reception area of the hotel I didn't recognise anyone so assumed I was the first one there. I wandered around for a bit in case they were waiting somewhere else. I got slightly panicky I'd turned up on the wrong day or something, which is a fear I have often. But then people I recognised started to turn up and I found I wasn't the first to arrive as someone I hadn't met before was already there, probably watching me while I was awkwardly wandering around.
Anyway we stood at the bar for a while and I was introduced to people, I was impressed one of the ladies knew who I was even though we'd never worked in the same area. I always have this fear people won't remember me.
I was very glad when we moved into the dining room and I was able to sit and relax a bit. The man I sat next to was nice, although he did go into detail about his family problems which I didn't know how to react to. We also talked about cats and computers which I liked.
Everyone still treated me like I was younger than I am luckily no one asked my real age. I still felt like I really stood out and couldn't relax. I did have a bit of wine though so I did feel slightly calmer. I always waited until someone talked to me I never initiated the conversation.
The food was nice. I'd worked at the hotel before and saw some people I remembered and they said if I wanted some work there I could come back. I think if my contract ends soon I would go back and do some Christmas parties which I quite enjoyed before.
At the end of the night I didn't want to be the first to leave and ended up staying until the end as I was to nervous to speak up and say I wanted to go. There were lots of hugs and kisses and I never know what to do with myself so I just put my arm around them.
The driving was fine I didn't get lost or panic. I think I enjoyed the night overall I just wish I could have relaxed a bit more.
Moving on to Saturday I decided to go into turn to buy some thing and a new top as there's a big event at work next week. I thought I would walk in and get some exercise, but as I was at the end of my road I turned the corner and bumped into my old best friends mum. Somehow she recognised me instantly and stopped to talk to me. I haven't seen her in about 10 years and it was really strange to see her again. I know my parents see her sometimes around the village so they probably have updated her on what I'm doing and I get to hear updates about my old friend. The first thing she said was "oh so you must still live with your parents" I tried to be cool and say I was for now as my work contract is coming to an end soon not that I'd been living there the whole time with no prospects of moving out. In comparison my friends been living away for years has her own business has been married and divorced and has a child. *sigh* She left pretty quickly after asking about my family. It just left me feeling a bit rubbish and how if I'd only left the house a bit later I could have avoided walking into her. I have a strange feeling I'll probably walk into her again soon after having not seen her for so long. Hopefully will just be a quickly hello next time I can cope with that.
Once I was in town things didn't go much better and I spent hours trying to look for one nice top. I went in and out of the same three shops a few times and couldn't see anything tried a few things on but didn't like any of it. I made the decision to go slightly out of town to a retail park with bigger shops and thought I would take a different bus than the one I usually get as it went straight into the park. But it ended up going a really indirect way to get there and I kept thinking I'd got on the wrong bus and was going to get lost. I didn't find anything to buy when I was there so it was a big waste of time. Eventually I just brought one of the tops I tried on first as it was nearly 5pm by then and I was really tired. Plus I really didn't care any more.
Then I got home and watched a few scary films which was fun and slightly crashed out.
And that was my weekend.
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Diary
Nov 7, 2015 6:51:14 GMT -5
Post by silence on Nov 7, 2015 6:51:14 GMT -5
So my other colleague has now got another job so I'm now the only one left on the dodgy contract. One problem with him leaving is he's known as the 'expert' on our section and we're going to lose so much knowledge when he's gone I'm not sure how we're going to to be able to do the job at the same standard. There will only be two of us now and I'm pretty much useless. We are training someone else to do the job but it's all a little too late. My only hope is I get my end of contract letter soon so I get to escape.
Everyone's starting to come up to me and is asking me when I'll find another job and it's getting really annoying. I have applied to one place but the sift is taking a while and it's my only option at the moment and I'm not even sure if I'll get an interview. I really should have applied for more, I could have gone for the one my colleague got but I didn't, and I'm sure he would have still got it over me anyway, but it would have been good interview experience and would mean people weren't so on my back about it.
I bet the people in charge are really annoyed I'm still there they might not be able to get rid of me legally and I bet they hate that they're possibly stuck with me ugh
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Diary
Dec 2, 2015 2:00:52 GMT -5
Post by silence on Dec 2, 2015 2:00:52 GMT -5
So I did end up getting an interview for the job I’d applied for. Was so nervous about going to the interview it nearly killed me.
When I got there I was early (and the people coming to interview me were late) so they showed me around and they were really nice and friendly. I did start to get panic as what they were telling about the job was different to the job advert. The advert made the job seem more computer based only, but they made it sound more like being a receptionist and on the front line, which I don’t really want.
The interview itself was ok the two ladies seemed really impressed with me (for some reason) although I did mess up some of the competencies as the ones they chose were so similar I’d already used up my examples. At the end I asked how many other people they were interviewing and how long it would take to hear back and they said I was the only one being interviewed. Apparently the other person they wanted to interview was my other colleague, who had just taken another job! The fact they only interviewed me was so strange I felt so much pressure. I mean if I didn't work out they kind of only have themselves to blame. I just really wish someone else would have applied. I feel like any one would probably be better at it than me.
But anyway long story short they've offered me the job. While at the same time there’d been talk of permanent jobs where I'm working now.
So I have a choice do I take the new job or stay where I am and hope I get a permanent position. I really don’t know what to do. I only have a couple more days left to accept the new job. If I don’t accept the job and stay where I am and then don’t get the permanent job I’ll be left with nothing! Although I will still be able to stay on the same contract until next September.
But then if I leave where I'm comfortable and then find I don’t like the new job I’ll end up with nothing too.
I just really hate the idea of going into the new job and disappointing them. I mean I know people walk out of new jobs all the time. But I just really feel awful about it. I mean I’ll feel bad enough if I don’t accept the job and make them go through the interview process again.
I don’t know what to do!!! I really only went of this job for a bit of interview experience I really didn't want it and now it’s put me in a really awkward position.
It could be a really good decision to move but the idea of having to start again, learn everyone’s names, having to ask stupid noobish questions all the time. I don’t know if I can do all that again.
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