Diary

[Outcast]

Well, generally if it were me i wouldn't have survived the interview nor would have i been accepted for the job, knowing how nervous i would be. It would be clearly seen a mile away. So i think you should give yourself more credit at how you handled the interview and it's result.

But seeing as to how it wasn't really in your plan to get that job, i would probably advice against it. Based on my experience, decisions made quickly or impulsively end up going against me.

Just try to give enough time to weigh your thoughts before deciding. In the end, i think you just have to think about what's good for you rather than worry about what other people will think.

Sometimes these past few days, i've been reflecting on what could be the best way/ideal way to spend our time in life so we would generally be happy/content. And so far, all i can think of is to do the things which we would otherwise regret if we didn't do it. But it's easier to say or think than to do it in actual practice. Sometimes, sacrifices will be required of us. It will require us to change to some old habits. And i think that will require more effort and willpower for it to succeed.

Anyway, sorry for rambling in my thoughts. Just take your time and follow your heart. It maybe selfish, but i think if we want to take care of ourselves, we will need to think about ourselves first.

I maybe wrong though as i often am. Just wanted to try and help if i could.

[silence]

Thanks I appreciate it It is helpful

Yeah I've been thinking about the same things too recently the best way to live to be happy.

I was thinking of my making a list of the things that make me happy and what doesn't.

Yes the fact it wasn't in my plan is one of the reasons I don't want to do it. My plan was always work where I am on my contact until September and then start looking. It all changed when they tried to end it early...and now it looks like that can't happen. They've really put me though so much stress for nothing. So frustrating! I've been talking to the union guy and he said I should claim for stress and I'm starting to think he was right.

I'm honestly so conflicted and I keep changing my mind. I was going to stay but then I've changed my mind again when I read the actual job advert and it was was slightly ambiguous.

I just don't like making choices because I'm so scared I'll make the wrong one.

I know if I don't take the new job because I can't cope with change I'll still have to do another interview for the new job where I am. I should be ok as far as still being in work if the interview goes badly, I should have the rest of my contract until September which will be chance to start looking again. If they want to get rid of my earlier they will have to pay me. I think the thing I'm worried about making this choice is the humiliation of failing and everyone in the office will know, I talked to one of the other people in the same position and she said something similar, which was reassuring I wasn't the only one worried about it.

I've asked my parents and my dad say go with the new job and my mum say stay where I am which is no help!

I was wish I hadn't applied for the other job and by not taking it I've wasted a lot of their time, which I don't want to do. But I've only messed them around because I've been messed around myself.

I wish I could see into the future to know what the right choice is. Monday is my deadline and I still don't know what I'm doing.

I'm so looking forward to time off at Christmas and by then I'll know if I have a permanent job or not.

[silence]

So I decided to turn down the new job.

I don't know if it was a good idea, but I'm consoling myself with the fact that whichever choice I made my life will still be a failure

and I think this way the only person I will let down is myself.

[Outcast]

Sorry i couldn't be of further help to you.

I had wanted to reply again, but really wasn't sure what to say or if i'd be making things harder for you to decide.

I think it's better to console yourself that you made the decision yourself based on what you think would be best for you. I think we can grow and learn more from the experience. Don't think yourself as a failure, but try to think of the positive things you've managed to achieve so far. It's a learning experience and you need to be more forgiving on yourself.

You're not letting yourself down, but doing what you think is/was best. The important thing to remember is that you tried your best. There's no right and wrong answers. You just felt it was the right thing to do at the time.

I think it's also better than to let other people decide for you.

[silence]

Thank you! I think you are completely right and I appreciate your words.

But I do feel slightly bad for not coming back sooner and giving an update.

So after turning down the job on Friday I put in the application for the job here, was told by the end of the day I had an interview on Monday. Spent the weekend panicking.

In the end the interview was only 10 minuets long and was told by the end of the day that I got the job!

and even better all three of us on contacts got one so I'm even happier about that.

I do feel like I need to step up my work level a bit as I don't want them to regret their choice.

But it's going to be really nice going into the new year with a permanent job. I took a risk and it paid off so maybe I should do more of that next year. I'm so really to be over job application and interviews!

I want to feel settled I'm glad my parents are happy for me and I'm now able to start giving them money for my keep.

Maybe I'll even be able to move out one day.

[Outcast]

Well, i'm happy for you that everything went well in the end. Congratulations.

[silence]

Thank you I think this is one of the only times things have worked out well for me

Not much to update on.

Went to our Christmas party and even did a bit of dancing pretty sure I embarrassed myself but glad I did it.

Have the next week off so will try and be productive with my time. Planning a haircut/colour I'll let you know how that goes maybe post a photo.

[silence]

So just before the new year my dad died it was very sudden and unexpected

I don't really want to say much at the moment but it's been really hard and I'm not sure what to do or how to cope.

[StarFall]

I'm so sorry for your loss Silence.

[Scotty]

Sorry for your loss. (hug)

[Zoe]

(pulls you in for a big hug)

[Grayback]

I'm sorry for your loss.

[Sigh]

Sorry to hear that, Silence

[Outcast]

My condolences to you and your family Silence. In October 2014, my dad died quite unexpectedly as well. I still remember how that felt. Try to be strong.

[ura]

I'm very sorry to hear this news Silence, you can always post here.