|
Post by CaryGrant on Mar 10, 2005 18:23:10 GMT -5
Lots has gone on! First, going to Colombia was a fabulous experience, in many ways. I realized that I am not desperate for a g/f, for example. I could easily have had a girlfriend/future Mrs. Grant, but didn't. There are lots of very attractive, sincere, sweet, etc. women who want good men and financial security. Before you say AH HA!, women everywhere seem somewhat concerned about a man's ability to provide some level of security. A shy guy could easily find a wife there, but if you want to go, email me. Finding a wife will cost you $ and heartache if you're still shy. Anyway, I am writing to one, but where it goes, nobody knows.... I went to a veggie group bowling outing (which I organized). A woman there, 15 years my junior, asked me out afterward. That's good for the fragile ego. We went out for a few weeks, but somewhere along the way she fell in love, so I ended it. She kept saying she was not in love, but...there were signs. There's more, but not much related to shyness. I did realize that I need to keep up my outgoingness program to solidify some friendships, and to see where they might go. I haven't completely changed yet - I can still fall back into being solitary. There's nothing wrong with that, unless you don't want to be.
|
|
|
Post by old free guy on Sept 4, 2005 7:20:16 GMT -5
Any updates on what you did to improve your social life ?
|
|
|
Post by CaryGrant on Sept 20, 2005 20:55:24 GMT -5
Updates galore! However, time is limited, so here's the short version.
Technically, I probably don't qualify as shy or socially anxious any longer. There are still situations that I feel fear about, but generally I am now capable of confronting them. I am steadily becoming more confident, assertive, and centered.
Well, I am now engaged to the Colombian woman I was writing. We are to be married in about two weeks. I didn't chase this relationship, I didn't force it, I didn't try to make it happen. When it's right, it works by itself. We had been talking on webcam, email, and phone 2-3 times each week, and things were going so well that I decided I should visit Colombia again in July to see if what we had was real. Clearly, we both thought it was. ;D
I realized I slipped into couple mode, where most activities (not all!!) are centered around the family - but they will not be here from Colombia for some time. So, I've decided to build more and deeper friendships during that time. I've met enough people through my veggie club and through work to see where those go. I've met some nice people; now to spend more time with them to see how close we can be.
Specific questions, please ask! I'd write more, but I am calling my sweetie in a few minutes.
|
|
|
Post by Naptaq on Sept 21, 2005 10:28:40 GMT -5
omg CaryGrant. you just rockin' it right now don't you well it was very nice to hear from you again, and you're doing very well as i expected. even better. ur gettin married soon. post us some pictures of you two will ya so how did you do it? get out of sa.. hmm well i see that u've worked a lot on that and thru baby steps you are where you are today. and it doesn't happen often that a sa sufferer says "I'm over it, i'm not sa anymore". so ur an example that it can be done. good work CG keep us updated
|
|
|
Post by pnoopiepnats on Sept 21, 2005 12:53:03 GMT -5
Updates galore! However, time is limited, so here's the short version. Technically, I probably don't qualify as shy or socially anxious any longer. There are still situations that I feel fear about, but generally I am now capable of confronting them. I am steadily becoming more confident, assertive, and centered. Well, I am now engaged to the Colombian woman I was writing. We are to be married in about two weeks. I didn't chase this relationship, I didn't force it, I didn't try to make it happen. When it's right, it works by itself. We had been talking on webcam, email, and phone 2-3 times each week, and things were going so well that I decided I should visit Colombia again in July to see if what we had was real. Clearly, we both thought it was. ;D I realized I slipped into couple mode, where most activities (not all!!) are centered around the family - but they will not be here from Colombia for some time. So, I've decided to build more and deeper friendships during that time. I've met enough people through my veggie club and through work to see where those go. I've met some nice people; now to spend more time with them to see how close we can be. Specific questions, please ask! I'd write more, but I am calling my sweetie in a few minutes. So you first met in July and are getting married 3 months later? What is the rush?
|
|
|
Post by lily on Sept 22, 2005 5:33:13 GMT -5
way to go, CG! i wish you much happiness. ;D
|
|
|
Post by sushiboat on Sept 24, 2005 0:18:19 GMT -5
Congrats, CaryGrant!
I do share Ms Pnats' concern about how quickly you are getting married. Even a few months of time in person isn't much, but long distance makes things even trickier. Of course, you are much more experienced than I am, but perhaps even experience doesn't make one immune to the influence of strong emotions.
In any event, good luck, keep your eyes open, and give us an update once in a while. A success story is very valuable to the rest of us still struggling.
|
|
|
Post by GreenFerret on Sept 25, 2005 0:30:26 GMT -5
I have a bit of a time-warp feeling right now SushiBoat and Cary Grant--I remember you guys posting pretty regularly around when I was a new member. Not that long ago really--but it seems it. Anyway, congratulations for sure, Cary Grant! ;D You seemed to imply that your fiance already has kids. How many, and how old? Good luck with your wedding and everything CG!
|
|
|
Post by CaryGrant on Sept 25, 2005 19:16:34 GMT -5
Thanks everyone for the congrats! ;D
And to clear up a misconception: I met A in December 2004, we talked on email and webcam for 6+ months and then I went to visit again in July. The July visit was to see if all the virtual feelings and intuition was correct, and it was. So it's now been 9+ months.
Earlier in my life I could have lived with someone for five years, married her, and been divorced some years later. I just wasn't ready. My various anxieties drove me to 'get' a wife, yet blinded me to things I didn't want to see, or was scared to see. This time, there's no neediness - I'm not marrying A to fill some void in myself, but to enhance what I already am.
Don't get me wrong, I still experience anxiety in some situations, and sometimes the anxiety is sneaky - I'll realize I did or didn't do X because of some hidden anxiety. However, my overall anxiety level is much lower, and I am usually rapidly able to catch myself when I begin a downward spiral. I confront fearful situations, often immediately. I am far more conscious of what *I* want, where before my anxieties just let me see what my parents expected.
|
|
|
Post by lily on Sept 28, 2005 18:27:32 GMT -5
Hey, Cary Grant, I don't know if you already mentioned this and I missed it, but I was curious - does your fiance speak English or will she have to learn?
|
|
|
Post by CaryGrant on Sept 28, 2005 20:27:04 GMT -5
Her English is better than my Spanish, and we're both improving. She took lessons and will take more, and I am currently taking lessons. Our first meetings were with a translator present. Funny how you can tell there's a connection even with the language and cultural differences....
|
|
|
Post by lily on Sept 29, 2005 1:58:31 GMT -5
Her English is better than my Spanish, and we're both improving. She took lessons and will take more, and I am currently taking lessons. Our first meetings were with a translator present. Funny how you can tell there's a connection even with the language and cultural differences.... That was pretty brave of you to tackle a relationship where communication could be an issue aside from the shyness.
|
|
|
Post by Total Biscuit on Nov 8, 2007 10:34:34 GMT -5
I thought I would revive this thread for some of the newer folk. I think it's pretty helpful and inspirational.
|
|
wraith
Junior Member
Posts: 57
|
Post by wraith on Dec 6, 2007 18:48:12 GMT -5
I'm really glad you did, this thread is great. I feel inspired by this man!
|
|
|
Post by Naptaq on Dec 15, 2007 19:04:34 GMT -5
Yeah CaryGrant seems to have done it and removed the blocks to becoming social
|
|