Pissed and Annoyed and need some advice

[shypsychologyguy]

ok the girl I went on the date with I called a few days ago and left a message saying we should hang out again and id call in a few weeks.

tonight my freinds said I should call her and invite her to come over and hangout. I said no continously and eventually they got on my brothers myspace acount and emailed her and as I knew she would she said no citing illness and that she had to get up early for church but that we should try some othertime. worse yet my friends invited her and said it was because I was too chicken to do it. now I feel like an idiot and ill need some advice on how to handle this without looking like well me.


heres why I did not want to invite her
1it was late already
2. I dont know her well enough yet to bring her around freinds, Id rather get to know her one on one
3. she is shy and does not like meeting new people
4 she is anxious about driving in unfamiliar places and it is a bit of a drive
5 I did not know exactly where I stand with the girl so if she rejected the invite even for a good reason I would take that to mean total rejection of me.

heres what i can do
1 act like im clueless about it and ask her about it and then say they were pulling a joke on me.
2 admit it but play it off like a joke and say something like you traumatized me for life when you hung up on me.
3. I could say i mentioned inviting her earlier in the day but by the time we got done with baoting I changed my mind due to Blank or Blank reason and that they just wouldnt give it up.

I think this sucks and is horrible. This could be very detrimental yet at the sdame time it could be good in some ways; like now she at least knows theres an intrest in her still, mabye she is flattered knowing i thought about her. i dont know . this kind of blew up in my face.

also the whole idea of her hanging out with us was my freinds idea and never once did i think it was a good idea.

[shypsychologyguy]

had i thought of it and was self motivated i would have made the call (like I had doen two days earlier) but not when im not the one pushing myself.

they dont know my reasonings, they dont know my anxiety.

I was using logic not avoidance. last time i checked a two day in advance invite is far more successful.

i was being set up for failure and now i fear that failure is elevated now given my freinds are idiots.

[sushiboat]

Your friends played a prank. If she brings it up, tell her that. Otherwise, don't mention it.

Asking her to come over right now would have been spontaneous. It doesn't matter whether she says yes. If she misses a chance to hang out with you when you're having fun, whose loss is it?

[MrNice]

don't worry about it
it does not matter what your friends said to her
go on as if nothing happened

[shypsychologyguy]

what if i have my brother emails her and says it was a prank and that i had not mentioned inviting her at all but that my freinds did this to annoy me.

[shytothebone]

I would beat your friends asses for not listening.

[MrNice]

what if i have my brother emails her and says it was a prank and that i had not mentioned inviting her at all but that my freinds did this to annoy me.

don't do anything that will give more attention to this matter
just go on as if it didn't happen

If she asks you about it just brush it off as if it was a prank.

if you act like this matters to you so much, you will look like a chicken

[scottydstno]

well you probably know my look on this scenario . In all honesty, as crazy as it might sound (especially to non-believers), these types of situations are easily avoided if you focus on developing your faith in God and waiting for His choice. If you have faith and believe God created all existance, then He can surely bring that "dream girl" into your life, like He did for me. If it's meant to happen, it will, if not, there is someone better, so like others said, don't worry about it.

[sushiboat]

I'm happy for you Scotty, but I think that your advice is about as bad as it gets. It's great that you are plugged into a tight little community where the expectations and priorities are so clear, and by following them you more or less automatically get paired up. However, other people do not live in such a community. Saying that faith in God alone will bring one a spouse is selling snake oil.

[shypsychologyguy]

i agree with him and a non-christian lacks the ability to understand the peace God brings. the one thing that got me over my anxiety on the first date was not the psychology books i was reading but the thought that if this girl was "the one" there would be no way of screwing that up if its in God's plan. so again im reminded that if its meant to be nothing can derail that. i havent put myself out there in the christian community yet so if this doesnt work out great i still have alot of christian people to meet. that being said I am done with this topic I will just go about as normal and brush it off if brought up. as most have you suggested.

[scottydstno]

I'm happy for you Scotty, but I think that your advice is about as bad as it gets. It's great that you are plugged into a tight little community where the expectations and priorities are so clear, and by following them you more or less automatically get paired up. However, other people do not live in such a community. Saying that faith in God alone will bring one a spouse is selling snake oil.

Of course any non-believer would assume this, I can't expect anyone to understand something in one post that took me 8 years to understand. My advice however, is the very definition of what Christianity and God is, love. Having faith in God will do exactly what I just said, because if it doesn't, they don't have faith, it's simply as that. Faith isn't a word people use to describe coincidences. Christianity is far more in depth than most people realize, and in fact, most athiests today don't realize what Christianity is over the simple fact that so many "Christians" give people these wrong interpretations about this faith, because they themselves do not live a Christian life, they use the word as a title instead.

[Sweet Pea]

i'm just a bit curious if the particular christian sect you belong to values humility, modesty and compassion?

[MrNice]

Saying that faith in god alone will bring one a spouse is selling snake oil.

yes it is selling snake oil
thats why most christians out there are just as happy as non christians
there is no advantages in christianity
the advice to 'have faith' is just as good as the advice to 'just stop being shy'

some people get it and some don't

with a conclusion such as
'if it didn't happen then you didn't really have faith'
this advice will only create more bitterness

[sushiboat]

I'm sure that some people will see this as a Christian vs. non-Christian debate. I don't. It's an effort vs. no-effort debate. I don't like the "God will give you exactly what he wants you to have" argument for the same reason I don't like the romantic myth of the one true soul mate. Some people are lucky enough to have things fall in their laps. For everyone else, goal-directed action is the way to go. You can be a Christian and still recognize that you need to put yourself out there, to work on your attractiveness, to take the risks of rejection and heartbreak.

[shypsychologyguy]

mabye christians just have diferent desires with dating.

I want someone to help me in my persuit to know God and make him know that would evetualy be my wife and not for sexual gratification or just to have fun or to feel good about myself, or look good to others.

I will continue to put myself out there and work on attractivness and shyness but learn to not be bothered by the details and little things that make my mind go crazy and thats because I can have faith that whatever happens works out for good.

I dont believe in sitting around waiting but i do think that if we surround ourselves with christians which i have yet to do then we will be around people with similar views and that would desire the same type relationship. given that context it is hard to fail and is easy. so i hope and believe.