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Post by madiocre on Aug 30, 2008 5:53:01 GMT -5
hey everybody !!! so i have been here for just over year now i thought it was time that i just go and give myself a diary lol save me from starting useless threads that go nowhere lol . lol i dont really know where to start . i guess i'll start with today i remember feeling the urge to talk about today but not being able to put it into any actual conversations in fitting context so ill put it here . At the bus stop today i was just sitting there reading my book didnt really pay mind to my suroundings ( it's twilight it s kinda a little dull atm im in the begining and her writing style is just so bland especially since i just finished reading interview with a vampire ) when my bus came i got up and as i walked to where it pulled up i noticed a cute guy eye ing me i felt drawn to him it was so weird and we shared a "moment" i looked into his eyes but then looked away cos i felt so scared i dunno why so i looked back again but didnt know what to do so i put my head down ?? i kept walking trying not to look but when i was on pay for my ticket when i sat down i looked out at him and he was looking too i looked back he looked at me his eyes must have followed me down the bus . It was weird i i have no idea whom this guy is i will never even see him again but this "moment" really put things into context for me . I felt at first really frustrated at myself . if i had of been more "normal" and smiled or something i could have made a friends or something i felt i had passed a very good opportunity . Once i sorta went over in my head that feeling that i had felt looking into his eyes (they were a really cool blue im not usually a big one for blue but he was just ....an awesome exception) was inspiring and well this sounds really really pathetic but i kinda got an idea about the whole love thing that i have been questioning .i think looking back on the relationship i was in no i didnt love my bf ,well not in that way and i know it now and i understand some more where he was comming from .And further more i understand that that love can happen and its worth waiting for and i hope that maybe one day i find it i dont really know what ill do in the meantime but i feel inspired that it exists .
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Post by Sweet Pea on Aug 30, 2008 11:44:48 GMT -5
if you're such a loser, why have people written songs about this very phenomenon? like this one...
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gaia
New Member
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Post by gaia on Aug 30, 2008 20:30:35 GMT -5
if you're such a loser, why have people written songs about this very phenomenon? like this one... ha. James Blunt. ;D
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Post by madiocre on Aug 31, 2008 7:04:40 GMT -5
lol when i used to see this i was like pfft what a wanker going on about some random ......how things have changed.
its still frustrating me how i reacted damnit why didnt i say "hi" or even just smile or something or atleast rty and keep the look it felt so good ....very intense though .... damn it im still going on about it .
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Post by madiocre on Sept 4, 2008 6:26:48 GMT -5
lol it was all so clear damnit rah!!! i m now having issues with the ex need history to understand this so here it is shyunited.proboards15.com/index.cgi?board=shyr&action=display&thread=7648&page=2so yeah with the picture i told him it bothered me so its not like he doesnt know how i feel . and well they had these pet names she was his sword maiden and he was her knight (lol how a guy who is too lazy to drive his gf home and makes her take a bus ride of an hr while he drives only 15 mins to meet up can think he's chivalrous is beyond me really) so yeah i log onto facebook to see he had changed his what r u doing now status thing to "is off to see his sword maiden " and wel it bothered me it was inconsiderate of him after i had said i dont like hearing or seeing them (and i mean her and him ...anyone els and him is fine ) i stewed a little then what i did was send him a message ..really not proud of this ... So off to see your sword maiden i gather that the cute pet name is referring to Susan and you are probably in Melbourne now . have fun sword fighting . umm then realise how stupid that was so i tried to delete it and umm it didnt work i thought i had but no it hadnt because i got this in reply Hey, I just got here and yes it is a pet name. Look I don't know how this is going to turn out alright but can we agree to still be friends no matter what? so i have tried to fix what i said by saying..... yeah sorry just thought it was inconsiderate honestly i tried to delete that message after i had sent it . i just dont understand why when i told you it bothered me when you advertised her over facebook you would do it again . but sorry again for my over reaction . but seriously he cant think that our friendship in unconditional he needs to be considerate . like im not saying he cant date her or anything if thats what he want or whatever just i don't want to see or hear we can talk about him and other girls but not her and i said that it bothered me why would he do that .
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Post by pnoopiepnats on Sept 4, 2008 6:46:51 GMT -5
lol it was all so clear damnit rah!!! i m now having issues with the ex need history to understand this so here it is shyunited.proboards15.com/index.cgi?board=shyr&action=display&thread=7648&page=2so yeah with the picture i told him it bothered me so its not like he doesnt know how i feel . and well they had these pet names she was his sword maiden and he was her knight (lol how a guy who is too lazy to drive his gf home and makes her take a bus ride of an hr while he drives only 15 mins to meet up can think he's chivalrous is beyond me really) so yeah i log onto facebook to see he had changed his what r u doing now status thing to "is off to see his sword maiden " and wel it bothered me it was inconsiderate of him after i had said i dont like hearing or seeing them (and i mean her and him ...anyone els and him is fine ) i stewed a little then what i did was send him a message ..really not proud of this ... So off to see your sword maiden i gather that the cute pet name is referring to Susan and you are probably in Melbourne now . have fun sword fighting . umm then realise how stupid that was so i tried to delete it and umm it didnt work i thought i had but no it hadnt because i got this in reply Hey, I just got here and yes it is a pet name. Look I don't know how this is going to turn out alright but can we agree to still be friends no matter what? so i have tried to fix what i said by saying..... yeah sorry just thought it was inconsiderate honestly i tried to delete that message after i had sent it . i just dont understand why when i told you it bothered me when you advertised her over facebook you would do it again . but sorry again for my over reaction . but seriously he cant think that our friendship in unconditional he needs to be considerate . like im not saying he cant date her or anything if thats what he want or whatever just i don't want to see or hear we can talk about him and other girls but not her and i said that it bothered me why would he do that . This type of thing is why exs can't be friends for a long time if ever. It hurt your feelings he is calling his new gf a pet name he used to call you. Apparently the lad has no imagination. Plus some guys tend to recycle and act like girls are interchangeable. I know it is strange but they do that. Like my ex husband. After we started dating he would buy me perfume and cosmetics of a certain brand, one I didn't really like. It turns out he would buy his first ex wife the same things cause she liked them. Yeah it kind of ticked me off. Plus he would take me out to dinner where they used to go and talk about things and the thing is those things were things he did with her but he thought it was with me. Sheesh. So really the only thing you can do is ignore this type of thing with your ex. If you read something like that again, just ignore it as there is nothing you can do about it. If it stills bothers you then end the friendship.
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Post by madiocre on Sept 4, 2008 7:36:28 GMT -5
no he didnt recycle the nick name its a name he had for her b4 we met , but yeah i guess i have to just ignore it i can't expect him to take how i might feel about stuff into account he doesn't really have to . i guess this is a strike 2 anything else happens il call it a quits to the whole friendship thing . i m a little disappointed in myself i guess i mean i had been so good with it all giving him advise and he was telling me stuff about girls he was with while on holiday and etc that didnt bother me i even spotted a picture of him and one of them I guess shes just my Achilles . meh what can i do really . i mean hes moving away anyway whats it to me if i lose another friend i seem to be doing that alot lately ...cutting the deadwood..... i feel a tangent comming on ...
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Post by madiocre on Sept 8, 2008 1:35:40 GMT -5
hey yeah he kinda did it again he messaged me and revealed that they are hitting it off well and stuff i was fine with that but today he posted a picture umm i had told him about that specifically and he seems stupid or something . i feel numb about it ,i guess Im way to tired after staying up all night working on an assessment and i shall be doing the same tonight so basically just out of principle i deleted him from my life basically meh whatever if he cant listen why even bother really listening and communication is a big part of being a good fried . Besides there are smidgens of other guys kinda on the scene kinda not so why beat myself up over being used when its already happened .
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Post by madiocre on Sept 22, 2008 0:57:17 GMT -5
it intersting i have been sorta self evaluating myself lately and my progress and i have made alot of progress i think with being not able to talk to people and being so uncomfortable and in all thats happened over the last year i think i m a lot better i have made more progress then ever before i now people i have made friends with and when i mention my shyness they don't even know what im talking about . im not totally cured though i find in work contexts i still quite bad paticularly if there is something i need to get from someone im not sure why but if i need a certain thing to complete jobs i usually dont ask for it and just dont do what i have to do (this really sucks because i am in a higher security part of the store and it means i cant leave to go get stuff other ppl have to get it for me .) im kinda edgy when i know people are watching me do stuff a
what i have realized though that although i m now better at socializing i have somehow lost my ability to cope with things , i m more sensitive now then i have been in my life and i have been having weird mood. Although very miserable b4 i was always able to deal with stuff and to be positive but now i am unable to positive talk myself it almost like i m losing control . like in order to give up being shy i have to put up with being moody because i dont deserve it or something .
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Post by Sweet Pea on Sept 22, 2008 8:38:20 GMT -5
what i have realized though that although i m now better at socializing i have somehow lost my ability to cope with things , i m more sensitive now then i have been in my life and i have been having weird mood. Although very miserable b4 i was always able to deal with stuff and to be positive but now i am unable to positive talk myself it almost like i m losing control . like in order to give up being shy i have to put up with being moody because i dont deserve it or something . sounds like the additional stress of doing things that are difficult to you is taking a toll. could be you need to cut down on the social time just a tad and have a bit more of alone time to recharge. it's a balancing act.
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Post by madiocre on Sept 28, 2008 22:24:41 GMT -5
Yeah i think thats what it was now i'm on holidays from tafe and i have more time on my hands i seem to have a bit ore of my coping mojo back now . lol i have so much work to do yet i feel so creative i just wanna paint and draw and write random stories lol . yeah life is a balancing act . seems you need to balance yourself then your time then our people.....its all about balance
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Post by madiocre on Oct 7, 2008 20:08:07 GMT -5
YAYNESS!!! i have avatar now . <------- see, see ,see!!! *jumps up and down excitedly and runs around in circles then bumps fall down in a dreary heap *
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Post by Sweet Pea on Oct 7, 2008 21:36:54 GMT -5
YAYNESS!!! i have avatar now . <------- see, see ,see!!! *jumps up and down excitedly and runs around in circles then bumps fall down in a dreary heap * lol, very nice, jess.
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Post by madiocre on Oct 8, 2008 17:15:26 GMT -5
ok so this kinda relates to another girls post ... but its kinda different i guess.. anyway so i was at a party (lol a very dramatic tearful party but that's another story ) i turned up pretty drunk . there was this guy i kinda noticed him because my friend Jane kept going on about his german friend but i thought this guy was better looking but wasn't sure if thought he was good looking...i never do know .
Anyway the german friend wanted to leave early so the friend ..(darren is his name ) took him home. The he texted Chris the guy who's party it was asking who i was and saying "she's kinda hot " so i added him to my facebook we messaged a bit then started talking online . Now yesterday (lol whilst i was talking to Darren ) Chris came on I told him the other day that i was gonna be free on the weekend ( I havn't been for a while my friend Jane and i usually do something ) and he like are you still free . i replied yes . He replied well im gonna have something at my place which i have told Darren about , Darren hold a flame for you i told him you might be coming but if you don't want him to come i say that you aren't and he won't come .(apparently when he said i was coming he was like "I'M THERE!!") So said i would come i had been wanting to talk to him in person but not have to do the one on one thing...i don't want to do dates with strangers.
Now the thing is i really don't know how i feel ..i said i wouldn't get involved with anyone unless i was certain i had feelings the "Why not" attitude is what lead me into my last relationship and i was always question why are we together but never dumped him because i couldn't justify it and thought it would be unfair. I'm scared that I have lead this guy on .. and if I decide that i don't want to be with him the idea of telling him really really scares me ..Also i don't really see how we match we have similar personalities but kinda different likes ...eg he likes old school metal i like nu metal and 90's rock alternative...etc .what of for him its just a physical thing ..i mean the night he saw me i don't think we even spoke .
Also though Chris'es match making concerns me just a little... lol the Chris story is quite complicated i'll attempt telling it without going saga style ...well anyway Chris was involved with Jane they were dating he was also involved with 2 other girls this was all known to the girls and I . Chris and Jane were on a contract they would date until a certain date then it would cease and they would go back to just being friends now this hurt Jane and there tension because well the original girl (he was engaged to but in an open relationship ) broke it off leaving just Kate and Chris told Jane that in some months time he plans on going steady with Kate because "she has potential " he just wants to sort himself out first *rolls eyes* no one is holding their breath . well anyway there was drama basically and out of it the solution was that Jane wont hang around while kate is hanging around because its hard for her to watch them together. Ok so my place in this is that well 1) Is it betraying Jane going to chrises when kate is probably gonna be there . 2) well i kinda had a little bit of a thing with chris ... and now he is playing my match maker ... i could deal with it except i know that with the other girls he had a huge thing that they could do whatever with anyone but his close friends .... why is it he doesn't really care one ounce with me .
oh and the last concern i have it really stupid ... but this new guy has the same initials as my ex... it feels like an omen lol
phew it feels good to let it out .
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gaia
New Member
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Post by gaia on Oct 8, 2008 18:09:39 GMT -5
An omen? lol. Interesting. It's just a date, isn't it? What's wrong with the "why not" attitude? It's not like you've said you'd marry him. Just go along and see how it goes.. if you don't like him, then he shouldn't be too disappointed. After all, you said yourself that you didn't really speak to him at that party. Hopefully Jane won't be mad at you for going. You weren't there for Chris or Kate. You were there for the party guy (hah.. it feels weird using their names). You shouldn't worry. Just have fun.
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