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Post by Robbie88 on Feb 1, 2011 17:08:07 GMT -5
That's OK, I know it was never going to happen. We'd known each other for years by that point, so if it hadn't happened by then, it wasn't going to. Besides, the 'spotty youth' is actually a lot better for her than the abusive, drug adicted, violent, reprobate, pathetic excuses for human beings she'd gone for before. They now have a beautiful 16 month old daughter, and she's happy, so I'm happy for her. Well that's good that she ended up with someone decent, at least....and it's cool of you to be happy for her happiness. |
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Post by pink2010 on Feb 1, 2011 18:38:13 GMT -5
Whew! It's not surprising that a lot of people can relate to this feeling, the feeling of unrequited love. Almost all shy people are feeling this, I'm one of them--before my first ever relationship. Those unattainable crushes, those good looking admirable people you can't reach and usually who don't know you ever existed--sigh. Oh well, we can still wish the best for ourselves and still be happy and continue to love ---again! You are right because I can relate to this feeling. I remember when I had a crush. He was very good-looking. The first time he looked at me, I thought it was love at first sight. I wanted to talk to him, but I felt extremely nervous. I kept thinking about him. To be honest, I am still thinking of him, and it's two years later. Now, I'm realizing that this unrequited love can be a problem.  I researched the effects of unrequited love and found that developing romantic expectations for an impossible relationship is thus unhealthy, unrequited love being cited by doctors as a cause of “depression, anxiety, and general distress . . . sleeplessness or lethargy, chest pains or breathlessness.”  |
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gals
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Post by gals on Feb 2, 2011 8:21:26 GMT -5
Don't worry pink, You're not the only one! you're in good company, LOL.
But I don't make this unrequited love get into me or hamper my life, or even depress me. Instead, I make it my inspiration and still continue to be in love with life and be hopeful that love--reciprocated unconditional love will always come our way!
Hallelujah!
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Post by Wednesday on Feb 2, 2011 12:36:30 GMT -5
Been there, done that. Way too many times, I think.  |
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1229
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Post by 1229 on Feb 2, 2011 21:47:46 GMT -5
&
Thanks you guys. I think what gets me the most is that the guy I've had my eye on (for a while now) is a really good person. I can't even say "oh, he's some low life that I'm better off without." You know? He's never once tried to play me or lead me on... which of course makes me like him even more.
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gals
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Post by gals on Feb 3, 2011 7:56:59 GMT -5
& Thanks you guys. I think what gets me the most is that the guy I've had my eye on (for a while now) is a really good person. I can't even say "oh, he's some low life that I'm better off without." You know? He's never once tried to play me or lead me on... which of course makes me like him even more. Yes, isn't it even more frustrating? We tend to attract those we don't even like and we get attracted to those who are not attracted to us. Gosh, how painfully ironic life can be. That's why they say that you just don't wait for love--sometimes you have to be proactive about it |
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Post by putter65 on Feb 9, 2011 16:15:10 GMT -5
My latest - I've become text friends with her. I used to work with her. I suppose it's better than nothing. I asked her out, told her how I felt. I never did any of those things with any of the others.
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gals
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Post by gals on Feb 11, 2011 18:37:41 GMT -5
My latest - I've become text friends with her. I used to work with her. I suppose it's better than nothing. I asked her out, told her how I felt. I never did any of those things with any of the others. Whew! That's a good start then. Yes, it IS better than nothing at all. You got to start somewhere. You got to take risks even if you're uncertain of the outcome. So after you told her how you felt, what happened next? What's her response? The suspense is killing! Keep us posted and good luck!  |
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Post by strawberrysweetie on Feb 12, 2011 4:09:10 GMT -5
I have to say, though, as much as unrequited love hurts, I still prefer it over no love at all.  That's true I guess. For a long time after I lost my first love I thought I would never be able to love again. But after a few years I fell for my best friend (who of course wasn't interested,lol). At least I knew I was still capable of it.  I can see what you guys are saying, but I'm still kind of surprised. Maybe I'm just being the Scrooge of the nearby Valentine's Day (gah, I hate to even refer to that date!), but of those two choices, I think I'd opt for none. When you're on your own, I just think that having someone you like, when they don't like you back, can make you feel even more lonely. Especially if you were in the position where you had to face them daily. Compared to just being on your own and not having feelings for anyone in particular...because then at least you have no one to actually miss...and you'd be able to focus more fully on other things. . . . I researched the effects of unrequited love and found that developing romantic expectations for an impossible relationship is thus unhealthy, unrequited love being cited by doctors as a cause of “depression, anxiety, and general distress . . . sleeplessness or lethargy, chest pains or breathlessness.” Makes sense to me.  My latest - I've become text friends with her. I used to work with her. I suppose it's better than nothing. I asked her out, told her how I felt. I never did any of those things with any of the others. Whew! That's a good start then. Yes, it IS better than nothing at all. You got to start somewhere. You got to take risks even if you're uncertain of the outcome. So after you told her how you felt, what happened next? What's her response? The suspense is killing! Keep us posted and good luck! This may be rubbing salt in the wound.... Unintentionally, I'll assume. |
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1229
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Post by 1229 on Feb 12, 2011 11:56:39 GMT -5
I agree. It's a constant reminder of what you can't/don't have. And I'm always thinking what was the point of this? To give me that chance to get all happy thinking "this time it's going to work out" and then it doesn't and I'm left feeling even more alone. Because those moments of happy are fleeting and very few and far between. And totally not worth the rest of the "oh, I have to face him again today" bits of embarrassment.
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Post by wrathofcanis on Feb 20, 2011 11:15:26 GMT -5
im afraid is the only kind of love I've ever met
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Post by putter65 on Mar 1, 2011 8:58:16 GMT -5
An update on mine. We are still texting. I sent her one this morning and she pretty much answered straight away. She came in to see me at work last week. We had this 30 minute chat. She is very unhappy at the moment, off work with depression. I did my best to try and find out what was wrong but her answers were pretty vague.
I think our friendship has gone up a notch. I was there for her, listened to her. She made it clear I was the only person she had told about her problems and she trusted me not to tell anybody. I want to see her again, maybe have another coffee and chat but whether she will or not I don't know.
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Post by putter65 on Mar 1, 2011 9:17:55 GMT -5
I'm thinking what I've actually said to her either face to face or in a text.
She's attractive ( a few times)
I think the world of her
I care for her (when she said she was depressed)
She's the nicest person I've ever met (maybe she thought I was trying to cheer her up because she was getting upset. But I still said it !)
She's a lovely woman
She has everything going for her
Bought her a xmas present (she bought me one as well)
Bought her a leaving present (at work)
Everybody loves her
I miss her
She makes me smile
Christ all that and she hasn't run a mile yet. I think that's the difference between her and every other woman I've liked !
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Post by Sweet Pea on Mar 1, 2011 10:13:13 GMT -5
I'm thinking what I've actually said to her either face to face or in a text. She's attractive ( a few times) I think the world of her I care for her (when she said she was depressed) She's the nicest person I've ever met (maybe she thought I was trying to cheer her up because she was getting upset. But I still said it !) She's a lovely woman She has everything going for her Bought her a xmas present (she bought me one as well) Bought her a leaving present (at work) Everybody loves her I miss her She makes me smile i think you have to be careful about getting attached to people with issues. yes, i realize we ALL have issues of one sort or another, BUT...you are describing a person who may have serious issues. anyone who takes time off of work for depression pretty much has to. also, looks like you've made it clear to this woman that you're into her...is this relationship moving forward? i may be missing something but from what you're saying she likes the attention, she likes having someone to unload her feelings with, but is there any more to it? how often does she ask you about yourself? how often does she listen while you unload your feelings? i wouldn't wait until you're hopelessly besotted before making your move. if she is not interested in a romantic relationship, it's best to cut your losses sooner rather than later imho. this is not meant to be hurtful, just precautionary. i would ask her out on an official date date, and make it clear you have romantic intentions. if she doesn't accept and respond appropriately (for whatever reason), i would move on. it will be far less painful in the long run. |
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Post by putter65 on Mar 1, 2011 14:43:13 GMT -5
Hi, thanks for your advice. A few people on another forum have said the same. So did my brother when I sent him a text. I think the advice is sound for any normal guy But not for me. You see I've had an extremely lonely life with regards to female company. No girlfriends, only one female friend. So this friendship with this woman is nice. It's new, it's refreshing it's me and not some other guy. In my heart of hearts I know a romantic relationship won't happen but a friendship is better than I usually get.
She did show alot of interest in me when we worked together. And she does ask me how I am in her texts.
I am completely in love with her but it's like I know my place. I never say romantic things to her, just friendship comments that show I care. This is better than the complete lonelyness I am used to.
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