Men: Is it possible to be AFRAID of a woman?

[Astroruss]

He has to prepare a response to you?

Look; he really likes, okay? It's like when the Homeric poets prepared what they said before their Queens; you're that important to him.

If he has to rehearse what he feels he should say to you before hand, and summon the oxygen respirational discipline before approaching you, this means he feels deep attraction to you.

And yes, many of us are afraid of women. Me, i'm afraid of approaching women in public but once i breach the gap and cross the bridge of fear i can speak volumes of emotion!

Anyway, just be patient with us manpersons. Once we get going, you'll be very pleased.

[bella2007]

Hey, Ultraruss...thanks for the response about my shy-guy at work

Yah, he use to constantly look out a window or stand in a corner looking away from me before he could approach me. It seems he would have to calm himself down and think about what he wanted to say and then regardless of what i would say he would just re-sight his speech...lol... i always found it very sweet and at the same time very sad, for him.

I am a shy gal but i can get comfortable once i have a certain comfort level maintained with a guy and when i know he likes me too. In this case i am sure he likes me but he just can't get comfortable...no matter what i do...and i have tried many things.

He usually needs to prepare before approaching me even just saying hello or good morning to me daily is, from what i seen a major project. Sometimes he goes out of his way to walk away from me (taking short cuts to avoid me until he is ready) when he sees me standing there, he starts going in another direction with his head down - then all of a sudden he comes back around the corner looking right in my direction with better eye contact, a 'hello' or 'good morning' or his short speech ready to go!!!!

It seems to be a REALLY big deal to him but he can't take it any further. If i take advantage and ask him a question or comment on something his face goes blank and he just nods his head and says yes or agrees with me, very polite of course and always a gentlemen but VERY nervous....he always seems worried when he talks to me.

But everyone else in the building he is VERY comfortable with...he smiles ALOT & talks to them, laughs with all of them, plays jokes on a few of them from time to time, and just has a great time all around.

I have also seen him stand in a doorway and watch me for a bit before walking out...he'll linger pretending he is looking at something or he will walk over to a person or group and start talking to them while looking at me the ENTIRE time, i call this "flirting" when he talks to someone else but constantly turns his head and body in my direction as he is speaking to see if i am looking.

Its VERY frustrating and i am hoping God will work on him and give him the courage and strength he needs...i just can't imagine the hell he is in i do really feel for him...i like him a lot, he's a good guy.

He has major anxiety issues (i think he gets panic attacks) members of my family get those...and he has his extreme shyness problem as well and i am totally at a loss!!!!!

I just don't get why so frightened of me? I am literally half his size...lol...he is 6'3" (and very attractive) and i am 5'3, so its just so mind boggling!!!!! I am the type of girl that if i like a man i want to do everything i can to get him to notice me and hopefully WANT to date me or at least be around me...how can he be so attracted but not want to be around me...sometimes he looks like he's sweating (gets a little heated...lol) or like his heart is going to beat right out of his body...he gets a little dry mouth too i've noticed. This is actually an improvement bcuz there was a time when he couldn't even LOOK at me in the eyes...always looked down, or around....or say hello!!!!


Any response would be most welcomed

[Sweet Pea]

you're lucky you work with this guy and have so many opportunities to interact with him, and for the two of you to get more comfortable with each other. since he seems to be getting more comfortable with you over time, if he really is interested in dating you, you'll probably get your wish eventually. but regardless of how it turns out, it's good of you to be so patient with him and value the goodness in him in spite of his SA.

[bella2007]

He was doing the avoidance thing BIG time today. He will walk by me a dozen or so times when i am standing outside my room (i work in a school) seemingly for no reason but not say anything to me...just look down or away when he walked by about a dozen times but when i said hello to him he looked me straight in the eyes to say hello back but looked so sad and VERY nervous i wish i could just get him to be comfortable and not worry so much :-(

[Sweet Pea]

bella2007 said:

He was doing the avoidance thing BIG time today. He will walk by me a dozen or so times when i am standing outside my room (i work in a school) seemingly for no reason but not say anything to me...just look down or away when he walked by about a dozen times but when i said hello to him he looked me straight in the eyes to say hello back but looked so sad and VERY nervous i wish i could just get him to be comfortable and not worry so much :-(

it sounds like you're a classroom teacher and he's a custodian? if that's the case, this guy may have it in his head that you are above him socially, and this may be making him uncomfortable. this can be a tough one to overcome because of masculine stereotypes. men are supposed to be the strong one, the smart one, the one who is in charge according to the prevailing stereotypes. this puts a lot of pressure on men. so if you have more education and you're higher on the socioeconomic ladder, to him that may be daunting.

about all you can do is continue to be friendly and encouraging without being overbearing. he may feel better acting in his professional role, so you can ask him to fix things in your classroom as a way to get closer and talk to him. try to figure out if you have common interests. if so you could invite him to do something with you, maybe starting with a group setting. since he's a handyman, you could ask him if he moonlights and whether you could hire him to do work at your place to fix something...or at a relative's house (old uncle johnny who was a plant custodian for 30 years but is bedridden now?)...or somewhere you do volunteer work. the idea is to find ways for the two of you to interract and get to know each other while he's in a role that's comfortable for him. good luck.

[bella2007]

I run (i'm a Director) a childcare program in the school and yes he is the Head Custodian...he makes double $$$ what i make by the way but yes i have thought about the "masculine stereotypes" thing and i guess it may very well be the problem..or part of it!!!

I think he has other issues as well, he's 37 yrs old and from what people who have worked with him for over 10 years he has never had a serious relationship. So possibly inexperience with women, lack of relationship history, shyness & anxiety, low self esteem, etc.

And i do ask him for favors and to come to my classroom...i will continue with that and think of some other things as well. He always says yes when i ask and is pretty quick to get in there and do what i ask..he is quiet though but i usually find the courage to start alittle small talk. I guess i will have to take it up a notch. I'll just continue on then, I just can't think of anything else to do but keep trying!

[Sweet Pea]

bella2007 said:

I run (i'm a Director) a childcare program in the school and yes he is the Head Custodian...he makes double $$$ what i make by the way but yes i have thought about the "masculine stereotypes" thing and i guess it may very well be the problem..or part of it!!!

I think he has other issues as well, he's 37 yrs old and from what people who have worked with him for over 10 years he has never had a serious relationship. So possibly inexperience with women, lack of relationship history, shyness & anxiety, low self esteem, etc.

And i do ask him for favors and to come to my classroom...i will continue with that and think of some other things as well. He always says yes when i ask and is pretty quick to get in there and do what i ask..he is quiet though but i usually find the courage to start alittle small talk. I guess i will have to take it up a notch. I'll just continue on then, I just can't think of anything else to do but keep trying!

okay, yeah...so you're in charge of the whole place...that is probably intimidating to him. maybe it would help if you rely more on his expertise instead of giving him directions. ask him for suggestions how best something could be fixed/improved rather than telling him what to do. ask for his input on projects or long range plans. make it clear that you respect his knowledge and experience, and that you feel he makes a substantial contribution. be careful not to contradict him because he'd be very likely to be very sensitive to implied criticism. wouldn't hurt to say something like 'i don't know what i'd do without you' now and again either.

[bella2007]

You are so cute Sweet Pea...lol

Those are all great ideas. I constantly go to him for help and little favors....that's how i ask....can you PLEASE do me a favor....or would you mind doing this for me, it would be a great help to me....i always make it sound like he is saving my life....or at least saving the day by doing little things for me and i AWAYS thank him for all his help each time....he looks at me as he is walking out always WAITING for the thank you from me

[Sweet Pea]

well, damn girl! seems like you got it all figured out! guess you just need to exercise patience now. but whatever you do, don't put your life on hold in the meanwhile.

[ball4yourout]

Wow. This dude sounds just like me (at least a 37-year-old version of me). There is a girl I like and any time we have ever run into each other, I always freak out and end up trying to avoid her. It takes me so much to say a single word and I have to try so hard not to stumble over my words.

[Sweet Pea]

ball4yourout said:

Wow. This dude sounds just like me (at least a 37-year-old version of me). There is a girl I like and any time we have ever run into each other, I always freak out and end up trying to avoid her. It takes me so much to say a single word and I have to try so hard not to stumble over my words.

well, don't let that stop you. sooner or later you're bound to make the effort with a girl who'd rather hear one word from you than a whole monologue from any other guy.

[bella2007]

ball4yourout...please listen to Sweet Pea and listen to me!!!!

Go talk to her...say hello...ask her how she's doing...say ANYTHING to her...if she feels the same way it will make all the difference in the world AND she may make a few moves of her own if she KNOWS you like her

SAY ANYTHING!!!! I CAN'T STRESS THIS ENOUGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[ball4yourout]

Eh... I feel like I'm gonna die of embarrassment each time I see her. Its just overwhelming.

Besides, in this day in age, talking to someone out of the blue considered very creepy and looked down upon.

[Sweet Pea]

ball4yourout said:

Eh... I feel like I'm gonna die of embarrassment each time I see her. Its just overwhelming.

Besides, in this day in age, talking to someone out of the blue considered very creepy and looked down upon.

nonsense.

[theinfiniteabyss84]

ball4yourout said:

Besides, in this day in age, talking to someone out of the blue considered very creepy and looked down upon.

That's just an excuse. How exactly is it looked down upon? If people didn't talk to one another out of the blue noone would be in friendships or relationships. It doesn't make any sense at all.