|
|
Post by bella2007 on Nov 29, 2007 13:27:36 GMT -5
Don't think that way!!! And please stop thinking so negatively, you will lose a great opportunity if you do. You are just frightened of the outcome...but unless you take a chance you will NEVER know!!! With that said... What if you knew she was really interested in you and liked you as much as you liked her  would you still have fear and be avoiding her cuz maybe she couldn't except your shyness? Well...if she really cares she will work through it with you and stand by you!!! TAKE A CHANCE  |
|
|
|
Post by ball4yourout on Nov 30, 2007 19:37:32 GMT -5
If I knew she liked me as well, I don't know. I'd have to be 100% certain she does. Otherwise, I'd be at risk of sending a wrong signal. I will say the worst possible thing happened to me last night: I saw her in a dream. Its driving me crazy, because it proves to me I really have fallen deeply for her, yet I can't do a damn thing about it.  |
|
|
|
Post by bella2007 on Dec 1, 2007 4:40:01 GMT -5
WHY can't you? You have the power ;D
I could see if she already turned you down THATS DIFFERENT but if you don't know yet then why not take a chance??? What do you have to lose???
|
|
|
|
Post by MrNice on Dec 1, 2007 10:02:00 GMT -5
because as long as you don't do anything you are not rejected and you can keep fantacising about all the things that could happen
once you are rejected you lose the fantasy
|
|
|
|
Post by ball4yourout on Dec 1, 2007 13:39:37 GMT -5
lsdima touched upon it slightly. The worst thing that can happen to someone is have their dreams shattered.
Although that does not make sense to me either. I feel like even if I am rejected, I will still never move on from her. Regardless of what happens, I don't think I will ever forget her and I will still see and think of her wherever I go.
In effect, I don't want to forget her or move on from her.
|
|
|
|
Post by bella2007 on Dec 2, 2007 8:36:46 GMT -5
Your both right!!! Thats why i never went up to this guy and told him myself i feel alot for him cuz of just what you both said...my dreams and fantasies will be shattered :-( Instead i have had others go up to him (2 different people) who talked to him about me about 6 months apart just mention it and he always got very serious and almost (seemingly) very down about it and said No...even though the last friend who asked said he wouldn't tell her WHY he treats me the way he does...different from eveyone else...and in her words special...he just kept his head down and wouldn't answer. He treats everyone else sooooo differently then me, he jokes, laughs, etc. She said he got real quiet (she has never seen him that way) and wouldn't explain why he didn't want to date...she said she could tell it wasn't personal. He also agreed (with a nod) that i was pretty & sweet so she feels its not that either. She thinks he has me up on a pedastal and he has very low self esteem. I am so shy myself and i don't see any way around this unless HE changes and decides HE WANTS MORE OUT OF LIFE than fantasy!!!!! I am so sad right now |
|
|
|
Post by Stranger on Dec 2, 2007 9:08:31 GMT -5
Your both right!!! Thats why i never went up to this guy and told him myself i feel alot for him cuz of just what you both said...my dreams and fantasies will be shattered :-( Instead i have had others go up to him (2 different people) who talked to him about me about 6 months apart just mention it and he always got very serious and almost (seemingly) very down about it and said No...even though the last friend who asked said he wouldn't tell her WHY he treats me the way he does...different from eveyone else...and in her words special...he just kept his head down and wouldn't answer. He treats everyone else sooooo differently then me, he jokes, laughs, etc. She said he got real quiet (she has never seen him that way) and wouldn't explain why he didn't want to date...she said she could tell it wasn't personal. He also agreed (with a nod) that i was pretty & sweet so she feels its not that either. She thinks he has me up on a pedastal and he has very low self esteem. I am so shy myself and i don't see any way around this unless HE changes and decides HE WANTS MORE OUT OF LIFE than fantasy!!!!! I am so sad right now Although it might be difficult, you're still in control of whether to chase this opportunity or not. It sure sounds like he's not going to chase you no matter what he's really thinking, so it's pretty much up to you, right? Just trying to put myself in his position (or what I imagine it to be...) i think I'd probably be a wreck too if someone was winking or smiling at me from a distance. But if asked face-to-face, solemnly, with a warm smile and a soft voice, things could well be different. I think it's all about reassuring the other person that if they say yes, you'll be every bit as willing. If you can do that, I think you can say you've done all you possibly could.  |
|
|
|
Post by Sweet Pea on Dec 2, 2007 14:07:57 GMT -5
Your both right!!! Thats why i never went up to this guy and told him myself i feel alot for him cuz of just what you both said...my dreams and fantasies will be shattered :-( Instead i have had others go up to him (2 different people) who talked to him about me about 6 months apart just mention it and he always got very serious and almost (seemingly) very down about it and said No...even though the last friend who asked said he wouldn't tell her WHY he treats me the way he does...different from eveyone else...and in her words special...he just kept his head down and wouldn't answer. He treats everyone else sooooo differently then me, he jokes, laughs, etc. She said he got real quiet (she has never seen him that way) and wouldn't explain why he didn't want to date...she said she could tell it wasn't personal. He also agreed (with a nod) that i was pretty & sweet so she feels its not that either. She thinks he has me up on a pedastal and he has very low self esteem. I am so shy myself and i don't see any way around this unless HE changes and decides HE WANTS MORE OUT OF LIFE than fantasy!!!!! I am so sad right now Although it might be difficult, you're still in control of whether to chase this opportunity or not. It sure sounds like he's not going to chase you no matter what he's really thinking, so it's pretty much up to you, right? Just trying to put myself in his position (or what I imagine it to be...) i think I'd probably be a wreck too if someone was winking or smiling at me from a distance. But if asked face-to-face, solemnly, with a warm smile and a soft voice, things could well be different. I think it's all about reassuring the other person that if they say yes, you'll be every bit as willing. If you can do that, I think you can say you've done all you possibly could. this is all true, but personally i would not ask other people about him or ask him out when other people are around. i think this would be embarrassing for him to have other people in his business, and might reduce your chances of a positive response. he already knows you like him. and keep in mind, just because he may find you attractive doesn't mean he's necessarily thinking about a 'relationship'. one step at a time. if he's to relax around you, i think it would help for you to be relaxed about all this. my advice at this point would be to get busy with your life and leave him to his own devices for awhile. he may need some time to process all of this. |
|
|
|
Post by ball4yourout on Dec 3, 2007 0:56:15 GMT -5
Sweet pea made a good point. He may desire to be with you, but if you overwhelm him, it will force him even more into his shell. Just because someone wants something doesn't mean they'll necessarily know how to respond or conduct themselves.
I will say that I wish a girl would make a move on me, because I clearly can't.
Just look at my other thread. I wanted a girl to touch me, but when a girl finally, I really didn't know how to react and I pulled away.
|
|
|
|
Post by Sweet Pea on Dec 3, 2007 1:11:39 GMT -5
Sweet pea made a good point. He may desire to be with you, but if you overwhelm him, it will force him even more into his shell. Just because someone wants something doesn't mean they'll necessarily know how to respond or conduct themselves. I will say that I wish a girl would make a move on me, because I clearly can't. Just look at my other thread. I wanted a girl to touch me, but when a girl finally, I really didn't know how to react and I pulled away. do you recall what you were thinking when you pulled away? |
|
|
|
Post by ball4yourout on Dec 3, 2007 1:17:54 GMT -5
Tough question. It was so instinctive. Its like my brain just went crazy and chose the most extreme response, which was to pull away, all because I didn't know how to process the entire experience otherwise.
Here's something that'll provide some perspective. If some dude (as a joke) grabs me or puts me in a hug, I don't mind, because I know its all in fun and I enjoy that.
Sounds gay, but I can't tell you what's exactly at work here.
|
|
|
|
Post by Sweet Pea on Dec 3, 2007 1:21:03 GMT -5
Tough question. It was so instinctive. Its like my brain just went crazy and chose the most extreme response, which was to pull away, all because I didn't know how to process the entire experience otherwise. Here's something that'll provide some perspective. If some dude (as a joke) grabs me or puts me in a hug, I don't mind, because I know its all in fun and I enjoy that. Sounds gay, but I can't tell you what's exactly at work here. so when a guy friend touches you, you think you know what his motives are and are comfortable with it. but maybe when a woman touches you, you aren't sure what her motives are and therefore you don't know how you should react? |
|
|
|
Post by ball4yourout on Dec 3, 2007 1:29:54 GMT -5
Its not so much the motives, but its simply the fact the experience is so alien and because I don't want to send the wrong message myself. For example, if I respond affectionately to her advances, she may actually not want me to do that, because i.e. she has a boyfriend. I tend to put women up on a pedestal. I feel like I'm so unworthy of their attention and/or I will draw the ire of their boyfriends and other guys if I try anything. |
|
|
|
Post by Sweet Pea on Dec 3, 2007 1:40:45 GMT -5
Its not so much the motives, but its simply the fact the experience is so alien and because I don't want to send the wrong message myself. For example, if I respond affectionately to her advances, she may actually not want me to do that, because i.e. she has a boyfriend. I tend to put women up on a pedestal. I feel like I'm so unworthy of their attention and/or I will draw the ire of their boyfriends and other guys if I try anything. well, then you know you have a self-esteem issue you need to work on. have you taken any steps towards improving that yet? one thing for sure though, pulling away is an overreaction even if she doesn't have sexual intentions by touching you. anybody who touches anybody, even if they're just being friendly, expects a friendly reaction. it's okay to enjoy being touched and to show it. if someone likes you and they touch you, and you pull away, it's bound to hurt their feelings...don't you think? don't you think that sends an 'i don't like you' kind of message? would smiling at them or something along those lines be something you could do in the future? btw - i'm asking these questions cuz i can make some suggestions depending on your answers. |
|
|
|
Post by ball4yourout on Dec 3, 2007 13:34:35 GMT -5
I really appreciate your help Sweet Pea. Clearly, self-esteem is not my strong point, never was. I've also pretty much guaranteed that, at least from this girl, I will never be touched because of how I reacted. Very demoralizing. Not to shut you down, but I want to go back to the original topic of this thread for a moment. This is going to sound so stupid, but I noticed something today that has been going on for a while. This girl I like, she sits directly in front of me during class. The reason this is noticable is because nobody else in the class seems to do this. Every now and then, she always stretches back and throws her arms backwards. She might just have tight muscles, but its noteworthy because the seats/desks are very close to each other, so I could move my arm and easily strike the person sitting behind me. Its very odd she does that so often, knowing she'd probably smack my legs, arms, or my face by stretching out so often like that. I dunno. This is probably the stupid, lame, desperate side of me talking. Just thought it was interesting enough to throw out. |
|
would you still have fear and be avoiding her cuz maybe she couldn't except your shyness? 
