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Post by Sweet Pea on Apr 10, 2008 9:27:07 GMT -5
I've heard (and personally believe) that some of the most succesful couples started out as best friends. Obviously it helps if he/she is someone you can really click with in a special way. It makes the relationship much more solid. I think a lot of the people who base relationships on attraction and/or sex alone will be disappointed in the long run, and get bored with each other like a? said.  yeah, and that's why it's important to overcome your shyness to the point where you can give people an idea of who you are, what your interests and values are, etc. knowing someone is shy isn't enough. shy is just one small part of the personality. |
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Post by annaa on Apr 10, 2008 10:15:49 GMT -5
I wonder why you would say something like this if you do not want an argument? just another example of saying one thing and doing another Perhaps I should have said I don't want another arguement on this board for everyone to see. It's inconsiderate towards members of this forum to keep using their threads for something entirely different from it's intended original purpose. There was no need for you to antagonise me in this thread. Before I said a word two other people implied that basically, you were being a devil (by picking a fight). Back on topic - ...It makes the relationship much more solid. I think a lot of the people who base relationships on attraction and/or sex alone will be disappointed in the long run, and get bored with each other like a? said. I agree with you Rose - as I said, for something more long-term you need to connect on much deeper levels than just sexual attraction. |
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Post by phoenixferret on Apr 10, 2008 11:52:17 GMT -5
I wonder why you would say something like this if you do not want an argument? just another example of saying one thing and doing another What are you, menstruating? Get over your little tiff with Anna and stop acting like such a brat. I've heard (and personally believe) that some of the most succesful couples started out as best friends. Obviously it helps if he/she is someone you can really click with in a special way. It makes the relationship much more solid. I think a lot of the people who base relationships on attraction and/or sex alone will be disappointed in the long run, and get bored with each other like a? said. This is a very good point. If you're looking for a partnership that will last, I think being best friends on top of everything else is just about essential. To me, an SO should be the kind of person who, even if they were the wrong sex or unattractive to you, you would still be excited to have their friendship. The best friend thing sums it up perfectly from my point of view, actually.  However, only you can know if that's what you want. It seems like plenty of people figure that they already have enough friends, and that their SO is their SO mainly because that person can fulfill needs other than friendship, sex of course being one of these needs. (I'm not describing the it very well, but maybe people will understand what I mean.) That's not my cup of tea, but if that's the way you like it, or even if you're not interested in long-term relationships at all, that's fine; you just need to make sure you get with someone who has similar expectations. I think whether someone wants love and companionship in addition to sex, or mostly just sex, is something that doesn't necessarily correlate all that well with age. There just seem to be plenty of young people who are looking for something long-term and loving, and plenty of older people who are still just looking for the hottest young thing they can get their hands on. And I think most people are in the middle--they want love and something long-term, but they'll enjoy sex for its own sake until they find someone who fit what they're looking for. You've really got to look at the individual, and not at the age. |
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Post by MrNice on Apr 10, 2008 11:52:57 GMT -5
my problem with this kind of advice is that it actually screws [shy/nice] guys up
what they are lacking in their efforts to connect with a girl is sexual attraction - they have all the serious intentions covered 500%
yeah, there is blood all over the place
its not my fault she took it personally
I wasn't even referring to her in my post
it was a general comment that some people end up missing the boat altogether while fantasizing about how things should be like
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Post by Scotty on Apr 10, 2008 12:34:52 GMT -5
Someone who Isn't a figment of my imagination. ;D
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Post by skyhint on Apr 10, 2008 12:50:29 GMT -5
Some one you can stand to be with all the time without getting too annoyed. That is my requirement I guess.
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Post by annaa on Apr 10, 2008 13:33:52 GMT -5
my problem with this kind of advice is that it actually screws [shy/nice] guys up what they are lacking in their efforts to connect with a girl is sexual attraction - they have all the serious intentions covered 500%... How DARE you tell me i'm screwing nice/shy guys up. How. fucking. dare. you.  CLEARLY you're just sex obsessed / more concerned about getting some than how a girl's mind actually works. Typical.. men like you give the rest of the male species a bad name. MrNice - you are a bully. Why are you chosing to pick on me all the time and nobody else? I'm not the only one who's saying that about sex not being everything. Why not pick on Rose, Ferret or Sweetpea? Or do you have to start fighting with someone you'd never date first and then work your way up, just like them pick up artists recommend?  ...its not my fault she took it personally You quoted my comment and wrote your own underneath.. it was directed to me. Don't be a coward and back out of it now. |
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Post by Scotty on Apr 10, 2008 13:59:03 GMT -5
Some one you can stand to be with all the time without getting too annoyed. That is my requirement I guess. Ditto. |
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Post by MrNice on Apr 10, 2008 14:30:58 GMT -5
i don't pick on anyone and I am not trying to fight - I comment on posts I find relevant - and I have commented on posts from all those people you mentioned - don't victimize yourself
it was not directed at you specifically - take it as you wish
typical complaint about men that screws up the shy guys
the shy/nice guys need to be more open about their sexuality - not less
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Post by annaa on Apr 10, 2008 14:46:11 GMT -5
...i don't pick on anyone and I am not trying to fight - I comment on posts I find relevant - and I have commented on posts from all those people you mentioned - don't victimize yourself You haven't commented on Rose - and you haven't commented on Sweetpea either. Yes, you replied to Ferret's comment but that's because it was addressed to you. Even if you would have commented, you've not told anybody else that they're "SCREWING SHY/NICE GUYS UP".
That's so hurtful.I DO feel victimised by you. I don't expect you'll do anything about it - i'm just telling you. ...typical complaint about men that screws up the shy guys the shy/nice guys need to be more open about their sexuality - not less Being open about it is one thing - i'm all for opening up about it! I think trying to help guys be seen as a boyfriend figure, rather than a brother/just friends figure, can only be a good thing. HOWEVER, saying my advice "screws them up" and giving it too much importance is another matter. Sex is not the be all and end all. |
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Post by MrNice on Apr 10, 2008 14:56:55 GMT -5
just not in this thread
go on, keep refuting the straw man argument that sex is be all end all
and for that it needs to be sexual
however if you keep complaining about how all guys want is sex, then a guy might get the idea that being sexual is a big no no - its something that is 'not nice'
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Post by annaa on Apr 10, 2008 14:58:18 GMT -5
It's this very thread that i'm talking about. I couldn't care less what goes on anywhere else. And let me repeat myself - even if you've commented, you haven't insulted them by saying they're "screwing guys up". You have said that several times now to me... which obviously is going to make me feel victimised. ...however if you keep complaining about how all guys want is sex, then a guy might get the idea that being sexual is a big no no - its something that is 'not nice' I didn't say all guys. I said you - as an individual. |
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Post by MrNice on Apr 10, 2008 15:04:49 GMT -5
it was a general statement - I didn't mean you as in Anna right now - this is a common complaint about guys
I guess it shouldn't be 'all guys want' but rather 'all that guys want'
also I fail to see how you arrived at the conclusion that all I am interested in is sex
What I am trying to point out is that the nice/shy guy problem isn't giving too much importance to sex - its the opposite - completely shying away from it, thinking its a bad thing to show any sign of that kind of interest - something that is 'not nice'
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Post by Rose on Apr 10, 2008 15:11:32 GMT -5
MrNice, Anna, pardon me but weren't you two going to take this to PM? *slowly backs out of topic again*... |
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Post by annaa on Apr 10, 2008 15:32:08 GMT -5
... this is a common complaint about guys Personally speaking, i'm not complaining. I've got a pretty high sex drive for a female (too much information? ). But that "sparkle" eventually wears thin in the long term (researchers say it's after about 18 months sex isn't what it was in the beginning). So if it's a serious long-term relationship you are looking for, there needs to be something else there to keep it going - my ORIGINAL point before this arguement. ... What I am trying to point out is that the nice/shy guy problem isn't giving too much importance to sex - its the opposite - completely shying away from it, thinking its a bad thing to show any sign of that kind of interested - something that is 'not nice' Sex can be "not nice". Some guys can make it seem extremely dirty and degrading. The type of guys that hang out in clubs/use pick-up lines/just go ahead and grope a girls ass before even speaking to her - they make it seem "not nice". In my opinion though, shy guys I think have an advantage over Mr Hot Stuff because they seem sweeter - "sex" becomes "making love". Shy guys are likely to care about how it feels for her too - more likely to make it romantic, whereas Mr Hot Stuff couldn't give a damn/wants to finish it a.s.a.p.. I don't know where you find the problem lies for shy men (i'm asking you).. do you think it's with getting a girl interested in the first place, or actually knowing what to do when it happens? **And Rose - for as long as he insists he's not personally attacking me - it'll stay out in the open. Sorry.  |
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Befriend the trees...they are good listeners. ;D