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Post by rukryM on Dec 7, 2008 13:44:36 GMT -5
It seems to me he's not sure of what to do either as he turned down the opportunity for contact with you the first time he met you and dated you. The fact that you sent him an e-mail and he didn't reply makes me think he regretted the whole thing and wanted to move on.
Since he obviously didn't know where you live and then by accident bumped into you, he might have started to feel something for you again, but then since he knew he stopped the whole process some months ago he gave you his number in order to make sure that you also wanted to start hanging out with him again. So he didn't have to feel bad for calling you and moan {or whatever he thinks}.
I'd say you listen more to your feelings and then decide once and for all if you want to continue this, think of all the good versus the bad things and then make a move^^.
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Post by crimeclub on Dec 7, 2008 13:48:29 GMT -5
Do you know how active he is with is email address? I actually never check my email except for when I'm expecting something. A couple months ago my brother sent me a few emails and after a while called me up and was pretty confused about me not replying to his emails, I just never check my email.. but the whole thing about giving you his number is kinda different, maybe he's giving you an easy way out incase you don't want to spend time with him, that idea might be a long shot though.. I guess you'll never really figure out his true intentions untill you spend some time with him though, good luck.
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Post by Sweet Pea on Dec 7, 2008 13:56:14 GMT -5
If he had asked for my number and were to call me it would be one thing, but I'm not sure I like how he told me to call him. Does the fact he told me to call him mean it's just too much effort for him to pursue me? It just doesn't feel as respectful for him to tell me to call him rather than for him to call me. And I have to wonder what he's interested in anyway. If he only wants to hook up or something I don't want to waste my time - and it's hard for me to believe he would be after something more because when we were dating before, my shyness made me a blithering idiot around him. i'm not sure if you realize it but there's a lot of pride in this post. you're afraid of 'lowering' yourself to contact someone you actually do want to contact. he ran into you, he was happy to see you, he gave you his number and told you he'd like you to call him. all that stuff at the end there about being a blithering idiot around him is just poor self-esteem talking. he likes you, and he's made that clear. if you want to make sure he wants more than sex, then don't have sex with him and see if he keeps wanting to spend time with you. pretty simple. by the way, when i give my number to someone and ask them to call me, it's because i want to make it easier for them. that's all. so there doesn't have to be any underhanded motive for that to happen. |
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Post by 10010101001111 on Dec 7, 2008 14:01:05 GMT -5
I'm also a pretty busy guy. Not alwyas, but when I am, I don't touch a computer for a full month. I know it only takes a few seconds to check my email but for some strange reason... I don't. Hey, some people don't even have time to brush their teeth!  Maybe this is your friend's case.? Or maybe not. Maybe he never responded because he was too shy or something. Or he was just 'not in the mood' lately.  Won't you look at that! He came up behind you, when he could've just kept on walking.. Anyway, do you see him as the dominant type? Or did he everf show any signs of shyness? Tell us, what type of personality does he have? As you know, dominant guys sometimes take advantage of your shyness.  Everybody does, but dominant people do it more often. Some years ago, I too, gave a girl MY phone number and told her to call ME. The reason was because I was too shy to call her. I was afraid someone slse would answer. ;D A cousin of mine told me not to be an a**. I never asked why, but I have a feeling that she tought I was acting like a macho man. She tought I wasn't being a gentleman. He's the one doing the flirting, acting like a pursuer. |
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Post by deadendphilosopher on Dec 7, 2008 14:17:54 GMT -5
Thanks rukryM, crimeclub, and Sweet Pea for your insights. I did consider that he gave me his number to see if I wanted to continue - I think my mom's response to the situation started my worrying - she thinks he should have taken a risk by getting my number. I don't know how active he is with his email: in the beginning he did reply to 2 or 3 emails, but then stopped even when we were still dating. Sweet Pea, I do realize this is partly an issue of pride, but I don't think there's necessarily anything wrong with that. I want to be respected, I don't want him to think that he can just have everything on his terms. It was from his side that it ended, so I guess I feel like he should make some effort if he wants to start anything again. But maybe this is just my paranoia that he doesn't respect me speaking.
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Post by deadendphilosopher on Dec 7, 2008 14:21:53 GMT -5
I'm also a pretty busy guy. Not alwyas, but when I am, I don't touch a computer for a full month. I know it only takes a few seconds to check my email but for some strange reason... I don't. Hey, some people don't even have time to brush their teeth! Maybe this is your friend's case.? Or maybe not. Maybe he never responded because he was too shy or something. Or he was just 'not in the mood' lately. Won't you look at that! He came up behind you, when he could've just kept on walking.. Anyway, do you see him as the dominant type? Or did he everf show any signs of shyness? Tell us, what type of personality does he have? As you know, dominant guys sometimes take advantage of your shyness. Everybody does, but dominant people do it more often. Some years ago, I too, gave a girl MY phone number and told her to call ME. The reason was because I was too shy to call her. I was afraid someone slse would answer. ;D A cousin of mine told me not to be an a**. I never asked why, but I have a feeling that she tought I was acting like a macho man. She tought I wasn't being a gentleman. He's the one doing the flirting, acting like a pursuer. Thanks for your response. He doesn't seem shy, he's dominant and outgoing. But maybe he did tell me to call him out of consideration. |
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Post by Sweet Pea on Dec 7, 2008 14:24:10 GMT -5
Thanks rukryM, crimeclub, and Sweet Pea for your insights. I did consider that he gave me his number to see if I wanted to continue - I think my mom's response to the situation started my worrying - she thinks he should have taken a risk by getting my number. I don't know how active he is with his email: in the beginning he did reply to 2 or 3 emails, but then stopped even when we were still dating. Sweet Pea, I do realize this is partly an issue of pride, but I don't think there's necessarily anything wrong with that. I want to be respected, I don't want him to think that he can just have everything on his terms. It was from his side that it ended, so I guess I feel like he should make some effort if he wants to start anything again. But maybe this is just my paranoia that he doesn't respect me speaking. i understand that, respect is very important to me as well. but i wouldn't let a fear of not being respected be an obstacle to finding out whether he respects you or not. look at it this way, when you're not sure how someone feels about you or whether they are interested in getting any closer, you offer them your number and the ball's in their court. they don't have to contact you if they don't want to. but to try to extract a number out of them is kinda pushy when you're not even sure they want to call you. they can offer their number if they want to, in which case you're exchanging numbers. but you apparently did not offer your number in exchange. i really don't see why you feel he did something wrong there. what was he supposed to do, wrestle you to the ground and force you to give it to him? lol |
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Post by deadendphilosopher on Dec 7, 2008 14:30:00 GMT -5
Thanks rukryM, crimeclub, and Sweet Pea for your insights. I did consider that he gave me his number to see if I wanted to continue - I think my mom's response to the situation started my worrying - she thinks he should have taken a risk by getting my number. I don't know how active he is with his email: in the beginning he did reply to 2 or 3 emails, but then stopped even when we were still dating. Sweet Pea, I do realize this is partly an issue of pride, but I don't think there's necessarily anything wrong with that. I want to be respected, I don't want him to think that he can just have everything on his terms. It was from his side that it ended, so I guess I feel like he should make some effort if he wants to start anything again. But maybe this is just my paranoia that he doesn't respect me speaking. i understand that, respect is very important to me as well. but i wouldn't let a fear of not being respected be an obstacle to finding out whether he respects you or not. look at it this way, when you're not sure how someone feels about you or whether they are interested in getting any closer, you offer them your number and the ball's in their court. they don't have to contact you if they don't want to. but to try to extract a number out of them is kinda pushy when you're not even sure they want to call you. they can offer their number if they want to, in which case you're exchanging numbers. but you apparently did not offer your number in exchange. i really don't see why you feel he did something wrong there. what was he supposed to do, wrestle you to the ground and force you to give it to him? lol Lol, no, but he could have politely asked for it. I got the impression that maybe he didn't want to bother, but maybe that's may poor self-esteem combined with the fact that I was annoyed he couldn't respond to my two line email. I guess it's likely his telling me to call him was well intended. |
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Post by rukryM on Dec 7, 2008 15:35:43 GMT -5
I guess it's likely his telling me to call him was well intended. Yup, to find out if you're interested too. |
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Post by pnoopiepnats on Dec 7, 2008 15:57:28 GMT -5
He sounds lukewarm at best and just said to call him like when people meet up after some time and they say let's have lunch sometime but they are just saying that and they don't really mean it.
Your mom is right.
Next time a boy says about calling him, tell him no thanks, you're old fashioned and don't call boys and give him your phone number.
Now for all those who tut tut me and say equal rights whatever blah blah, I can't say I've ever seen a really successful relationship where the girl pursues. Oh sure there may be some thing that lasts for a few weeks, month, a year but not longer than that.
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Post by Sweet Pea on Dec 7, 2008 18:00:31 GMT -5
He sounds lukewarm at best and just said to call him like when people meet up after some time and they say let's have lunch sometime but they are just saying that and they don't really mean it. Your mom is right. Next time a boy says about calling him, tell him no thanks, you're old fashioned and don't call boys and give him your phone number. Now for all those who tut tut me and say equal rights whatever blah blah, I can't say I've ever seen a really successful relationship where the girl pursues. Oh sure there may be some thing that lasts for a few weeks, month, a year but not longer than that. i think the equal rights approach only works when both people involved buy off on it. |
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Post by skyhint on Dec 7, 2008 18:29:09 GMT -5
either you want him or you dont. If you want him call him. Persuer, persuee...In a month neither of you will even remember how it happened.
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Post by Farouche on Dec 7, 2008 21:24:21 GMT -5
Sweet Pea -------------
i think the equal rights approach only works when both people involved buy off on it. Definitely true, and works both ways. If the girl expects equality and the guy wants to "wear the pants," she's going to be frustrated and it won't work. If the guy expects equality and the girl wants to take a submissive role, he's going to be frustrated, and that won't work, either. I would be really careful about jumping to conclusions about a guy not "respecting" you in this day and age if he doesn't go the traditional route of asking your number. Many people in their twenties make a lot of girl and guy friends and keep things very casual until they decide to get serious with someone, such that I think it would seem quite weird to at least some guys to be expected to court and woo a girl the old-fashioned way. There were a few guys and girls at my college who did it like that, but my impression was that most would pretty much just hang out, flirting and enjoying each other's company until they decided they liked each other enough to try a relationship. I'm with Skyhint--I don't see how it matters who calls who first, if there turns out to be something between you two. Personally I think it's cutting off your nose to spite your face not to contact a guy just because he didn't call you first. You don't have to act like an eager puppy, and calling him once isn't "pursuing" him; in my opinion it's just doing your part to secure potential happiness for yourself. You should be able to tell from his reaction to your call whether he's into you or not. If he wants to meet for lunch, ask him to call you back closer to the date to discuss plans, if you like. That'll give you a bit of a chance to find out if he was serious or just being vaguely friendly out of habit. As SP pointed out, all you really stand to lose is a bit of pride. You don't want to end up calling him all the time, but he doesn't need to be calling you all the time, either--and a lot of guys nowadays may very well take it as disinterest on your part if you play that game. Maybe you'd only be happy with an old-fashioned guy, anyway, but if you're just concerned about respect specifically, there's nothing wrong with being the first to make the call, if you do want to talk to him. You should be able to figure out whether he respects you or not when you have more to go on. |
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Post by deadendphilosopher on Dec 8, 2008 10:48:30 GMT -5
He sounds lukewarm at best and just said to call him like when people meet up after some time and they say let's have lunch sometime but they are just saying that and they don't really mean it. Your mom is right. Next time a boy says about calling him, tell him no thanks, you're old fashioned and don't call boys and give him your phone number. Now for all those who tut tut me and say equal rights whatever blah blah, I can't say I've ever seen a really successful relationship where the girl pursues. Oh sure there may be some thing that lasts for a few weeks, month, a year but not longer than that. i think the equal rights approach only works when both people involved buy off on it. I don't really see what it has to do with rights. I'm very sensitive to the issue of equal rights and status and would not settle for anything less. But it does seem that relationships work better when the man starts as the initiator and pursuer. I have observed the relationships of my friends, and the ones in which the female pursues don't seem to go very far, or if they do (as in the case of my roommate last year) there are tons of problems directly related to the fact that the guy didn't put the effort in and pursue. I've also observed successful (and very equal) relationships that thrive with the man in pursuit. |
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Post by deadendphilosopher on Dec 8, 2008 10:52:37 GMT -5
either you want him or you dont. If you want him call him. Persuer, persuee...In a month neither of you will even remember how it happened. I do want him, but I don't think I agree. I don't think the pursuer, pursuee thing stops in a month's time, I think it's an ongoing dance. If the man is pursuing, generally in a month he will be focused on how to please the woman, but if the woman is pursuing, he will be focused on himself. That's just how I understand it. |
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Maybe this is your friend's case.? Or maybe not. Maybe he never responded because he was too shy or something. Or he was just 'not in the mood' lately. 
Everybody does, but dominant people do it more often. Some years ago, I too, gave a girl MY phone number and told her to call ME. The reason was because I was too shy to call her. I was afraid someone slse would answer. ;D A cousin of mine told me not to be an a**. I never asked why, but I have a feeling that she tought I was acting like a macho man. She tought I wasn't being a gentleman. 
