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Post by Sweet Pea on Dec 14, 2008 22:44:38 GMT -5
I called and he called back and didn't leave a message. I don't have a cell phone so he doesn't know I have caller id. Farouche, and Stranger, even you would agree that it's not worth it to try calling again right? hmmm...i don't like leaving voice mail messages. i do it sometimes when i need to, but usually for something personal like this i prefer to catch the person when they can pick up. alotta people don't even bother to check their voice mail anyways, and it's just giving them an onerous task to have to check their voice mail and listen to another message 'i called, you didn't answer'.  |
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Post by deadendphilosopher on Dec 15, 2008 9:56:00 GMT -5
I called and he called back and didn't leave a message. I don't have a cell phone so he doesn't know I have caller id. Farouche, and Stranger, even you would agree that it's not worth it to try calling again right? hmmm...i don't like leaving voice mail messages. i do it sometimes when i need to, but usually for something personal like this i prefer to catch the person when they can pick up. alotta people don't even bother to check their voice mail anyways, and it's just giving them an onerous task to have to check their voice mail and listen to another message 'i called, you didn't answer'. Yeah, but he only tried to call once. Maybe he'll try again today. . . But you don't think I should call him do you? |
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Post by Sweet Pea on Dec 15, 2008 11:59:27 GMT -5
hmmm...i don't like leaving voice mail messages. i do it sometimes when i need to, but usually for something personal like this i prefer to catch the person when they can pick up. alotta people don't even bother to check their voice mail anyways, and it's just giving them an onerous task to have to check their voice mail and listen to another message 'i called, you didn't answer'. Yeah, but he only tried to call once. Maybe he'll try again today. . . But you don't think I should call him do you? honestly, i think people in this situation should do whatever they want, whatever their impulse is to do, whatever gives them emotional relief...because in the long run, none of it really matters. if it's meant to be, it will happen. if it's not, it won't. so i really don't think you can 'screw it up'. i think shy people err on the side of caution almost always. so personally, i prefer to go for it, make the call, ask him out, make a fool of myself, who cares? there's no one worth having in my life who isn't worth making a bit of a fool of myself over. and if at any point, i feel that he's doing any of the things you've been worried about, treating me bad in one way or another, then i can end the relationship at that point in time. but if i'm too scared to even try, there may not be a relationship to begin with. *shrug* |
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Post by MrNice on Dec 15, 2008 12:37:03 GMT -5
yeah exactly
if you don't call then nothing will happen you know that for sure
if you do call, still maybe nothing will happen maybe something will happen,
but trying to predict exactly how everything will go all the way into the future is pointless
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Post by pnoopiepnats on Dec 15, 2008 13:06:59 GMT -5
honestly, i think people in this situation should do whatever they want, whatever their impulse is to do, whatever gives them emotional relief...because in the long run, none of it really matters. if it's meant to be, it will happen. if it's not, it won't. so i really don't think you can 'screw it up'. i think shy people err on the side of caution almost always. so personally, i prefer to go for it, make the call, ask him out, make a fool of myself, who cares? there's no one worth having in my life who isn't worth making a bit of a fool of myself over. and if at any point, i feel that he's doing any of the things you've been worried about, treating me bad in one way or another, then i can end the relationship at that point in time. but if i'm too scared to even try, there may not be a relationship to begin with. *shrug* I think she's done enough by calling him. Don't you want to be with someone who is willing to make a fool of themselves for you? To keep trying to call him, she is just reminding him that she exists. I don't think you need to do that. She called him. He knows. If he is really that interested, he'll keep calling until he reaches her. |
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Post by Sweet Pea on Dec 15, 2008 13:13:48 GMT -5
honestly, i think people in this situation should do whatever they want, whatever their impulse is to do, whatever gives them emotional relief...because in the long run, none of it really matters. if it's meant to be, it will happen. if it's not, it won't. so i really don't think you can 'screw it up'. i think shy people err on the side of caution almost always. so personally, i prefer to go for it, make the call, ask him out, make a fool of myself, who cares? there's no one worth having in my life who isn't worth making a bit of a fool of myself over. and if at any point, i feel that he's doing any of the things you've been worried about, treating me bad in one way or another, then i can end the relationship at that point in time. but if i'm too scared to even try, there may not be a relationship to begin with. *shrug* I think she's done enough by calling him. Don't you want to be with someone who is willing to make a fool of themselves for you? To keep trying to call him, she is just reminding him that she exists. I don't think you need to do that. She called him. He knows. If he is really that interested, he'll keep calling until he reaches her. i don't really think it matters, that's my point. if he's the right guy, he's not going to be thinking something like 'oooh she called me twice even though i didn't call back, she's desperate, i can totally take advantage of her'. if he is thinking that, it will become apparent rather quickly, and she can end it. if it makes you happy, you can sit there alone in your guilded cage like a pampered peacock and wait for them men to come to you. if that's not your thing, and you get more satisfaction out of going after what you want, then you should do that. i just think people worry about this stuff way too much. |
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Post by pnoopiepnats on Dec 15, 2008 13:36:16 GMT -5
i don't really think it matters, that's my point. if he's the right guy, he's not going to be thinking something like 'oooh she called me twice even though i didn't call back, she's desperate, i can totally take advantage of her'. if he is thinking that, it will become apparent rather quickly, and she can end it. if it makes you happy, you can sit there alone in your guilded cage like a pampered peacock and wait for them men to come to you. if that's not your thing, and you get more satisfaction out of going after what you want, then you should do that. i just think people worry about this stuff way too much. No of course he won't be thinking that. Interested people make an effort. Non interested ones don't. It's really that simple and I've never seen it work any other way. |
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Post by deadendphilosopher on Dec 15, 2008 14:14:54 GMT -5
Hey, I appreciate everyone's input. I don't really think he's very interested, but I think I'm going to call anyway for the sake of feeling empowered and moving on. I obviously care way to much about him and what he thinks, as I've created a whole thread discussing whether or not I should call him, lol. After I called him the other day, I was so sure he wouldn't call back. At first it bothered me, but the next day I started feeling really happy and empowered by the fact that I went for what I wanted even if nothing came of it, and I felt truly ready to move on. Then I saw that he called, and the anxiety rushed back and all that went down the drain. So yeah, I think I'll call again, because I am sick of taking everything so seriously and erring on the side of caution all the time, and I think I will be better able to move on if I've done everything I can.
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Post by Sweet Pea on Dec 15, 2008 18:38:41 GMT -5
i don't really think it matters, that's my point. if he's the right guy, he's not going to be thinking something like 'oooh she called me twice even though i didn't call back, she's desperate, i can totally take advantage of her'. if he is thinking that, it will become apparent rather quickly, and she can end it. if it makes you happy, you can sit there alone in your guilded cage like a pampered peacock and wait for them men to come to you. if that's not your thing, and you get more satisfaction out of going after what you want, then you should do that. i just think people worry about this stuff way too much. No of course he won't be thinking that. Interested people make an effort. Non interested ones don't. It's really that simple and I've never seen it work any other way. so all those girls who play coyly hard to get are uninterested?  |
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Post by MrNice on Dec 15, 2008 19:04:06 GMT -5
not interested enough
I never had anything happen where a girl wasn't actually trying to make it happen as much as I was
so true
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Post by Sweet Pea on Dec 15, 2008 22:39:55 GMT -5
not interested enough I never had anything happen where a girl wasn't actually trying to make it happen as much as I was so true i find it ironic that people on a shy forum apparently don't recognise the existence of people who don't always act interested even if they very much are? |
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Post by MrNice on Dec 16, 2008 1:15:46 GMT -5
I don't find this to be the case, even with shy people
when they really are interested they act on it
especially in the case when the other party already broke the ice and initiated something
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Post by Sweet Pea on Dec 16, 2008 1:45:59 GMT -5
I don't find this to be the case, even with shy people when they really are interested they act on it especially in the case when the other party already broke the ice and initiated something oh i see. i didn't reaize all the people who told those kinda stories on here were just...um...liars. |
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Post by pnoopiepnats on Dec 16, 2008 3:07:53 GMT -5
I don't find this to be the case, even with shy people when they really are interested they act on it especially in the case when the other party already broke the ice and initiated something oh i see. i didn't reaize all the people who told those kinda stories on here were just...um...liars. There have been plenty on here who made an effort. They'd come here and post and plot on how they were going to talk to the girl/guy. I think most of them said something to the person unless it was too late and it was the last day of school or something like that. You see the flirting that goes on here too. |
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Post by Farouche on Dec 16, 2008 3:40:18 GMT -5
DeadEndPhilosopher ---------
I don't think it's necessarily bad if the girl makes the very first move - she could make a move and then he could step in and start actively pursuing. But anyway we could debate this for ever. I'm of the opinion that things tend to work out better if the man is actively involved in pursing, because women seem to be more other centered and men seem to me more self centered (for that's what society expects of us). However I will admit that I honestly don't know if my opinion is true. Besides this one guy, I haven't really had dating experience. My opinion is based off observations of friend's relationships, and a book called Mars and Venus on a date, which made a lot of intuitive sense when I read it. Of course neither of these are very objective ways to gain knowledge (although there's no such thing as truly objective in the big picture). So maybe I'm wrong. I'll definitely keep your view on the matter in mind in my future observations and actions. Well, as I've said, I, too, am speaking from my own personal experience and those of friends. My experience is that mutuality and compatibility are pretty much the only things that matter. Or in other words: if your personalities click and you both work at the relationship to a similar degree, it's probably going to turn out well. The relationship you talked about in your last post to Stranger would not have blossomed fruitfully if your friend had let the guy pursue; the relationship probably never would have existed at all, right? I've personally witnessed at least one relationship in which the guy actively and gallantly pursued while the girl went along fairly passively, only to have the guy out almost *exactly* as you described it. It's the person, not the pursuit, that matters, and just as you're not going to turn a Bad Boy into a domesticated saint, you don't have to worry about turning a thoughtful guy into a self-centered dweeb just by doing a bit of chasing. That's fairly intuitive, isn't it?  Sweet Pea --------------
honestly, i think people in this situation should do whatever they want, whatever their impulse is to do, whatever gives them emotional relief...because in the long run, none of it really matters. if it's meant to be, it will happen. if it's not, it won't. so i really don't think you can 'screw it up'. i think shy people err on the side of caution almost always. so personally, i prefer to go for it, make the call, ask him out, make a fool of myself, who cares? there's no one worth having in my life who isn't worth making a bit of a fool of myself over. and if at any point, i feel that he's doing any of the things you've been worried about, treating me bad in one way or another, then i can end the relationship at that point in time. but if i'm too scared to even try, there may not be a relationship to begin with. *shrug* ^I agree with this exactly. You've called him once, so that's good; he called you back--that's a good sign. I would say to call him back, and if he doesn't pick up, leave him a message about what time of day would be best to reach you. But as SP's said, at this point it's really just up to you. Phone tag is just awkward. I don't agree with the mindset that if it's "meant to be" the other person will go to the ends of the earth to set up a date and they won't give up on getting together with you. Not every date is the result of a long-time crush or a sudden rush of infatuation; many if not most dates are going to be between people who are merely interested in getting to know an attractive person and seeing if things go anywhere. A person who is "interested" but not infatuated may well relish an opening to get to know you better, without feeling particularly inclined to move mountains or slay dragons just to see you for coffee. And we know from reading these shy threads that many infatuated people's idea of making a move is to say "hi" pointedly, lol. Even a person who is very interested can get discouraged and give up without the proper encouragement and a clear invitation; I say, do more than leave the door unlatched and hope he thinks to try the knob. Invite him in. |
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