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Post by Outcast on Jan 11, 2008 10:10:20 GMT -5
Hello! I think fiction writing is a pretty cool talent to develop. Hey, don't give up on not having any friends. Maybe you just need to try and put yourself out there to meet people. Eventually, you'll meet someone who likes your company. But i think what's important is , you have to be willing to make the first move. In terms of getting to know a person or starting a conversation. It's pretty hard if you isolate yourself like i do sometimes. Just try and be yourself, and don't pressure yourself on doing what you don't feel like doing. If you really want to talk to a person, talk to him/her. If things don't work out, well, there is nothing to be ashamed of. It's what you wanted to do at that time. No biggie. In that way, your really doing yourself a favor. You've listened to your need, and followed through with it. I think sometimes, there is really nothing wrong with being shy. It just may mean, your still not ready. Take it slow and don't rush yourself.
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Post by Outcast on Feb 5, 2008 10:42:58 GMT -5
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Post by Outcast on Jan 25, 2008 0:43:29 GMT -5
From the 1991 Walt Disney Movie : "Beauty and the Beast" Gaston: " Le Fou , I'm afraid i've been thinking...." Le Fou: " A dangerous past time...." Gaston: " I know....."
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Post by Outcast on Mar 1, 2008 11:34:45 GMT -5
Here are some tips i've read. I'm not really sure if these could help or not. But here goes.
It says one needs to:
1.Be willing to be put in vulnerable positions in life where you might get hurt.
2.Take risks to change their current behavior.
3.Trust others enough to expose themselves to them, risking vulnerability and the possibility of being hurt.
4.Have a healthy and humorous belief in themselves in order to overlook their exaggerated need for acceptance and approval.
5.Take a rational approach to each problem they face so that they are no longer inhibited by debilitating fears or beliefs.
6.Practice assertive behavior in their lives, earning respect and the acknowledgment of their rights.
7.Arouse the courage to take small steps in learning to experience success and overcoming their lack of belief in self. Once the success is experienced, they can build on it to gain the courage to act out of a strong conviction in their self-goodness and worth.
8.Break the barrier or outer shell of the self-doubt they have hidden behind and reach out to others. Breaking out of their ``shells'' requires letting go of past hurts (real or imagined) and moving on with life.
9.Open themselves to the possibility of success and accomplishment. Visualize or make a prophecy of winning at life so their energies are focused in a growth direction.
10.Reward themselves for who they are and capitalize on their strengths, attributes, skills, and competencies.
Easier said than done right? And i'm not really quite convinced if taking risks and making yourself vulnerable to hurt is the way to go. What do you guys think?
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Post by Outcast on Feb 14, 2008 9:53:33 GMT -5
That's one of the few favorite websites i've found just recently. I've read some other tips/advices there concerning other topics. Pretty interesting stuff.
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Post by Outcast on Jan 25, 2008 1:23:04 GMT -5
This has always been one of the hardest questions for me to answer. Hmmm...I am....not really sure...
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Post by Outcast on Nov 26, 2007 3:39:30 GMT -5
How do you guys cheer yourself up when your feeling down or sad?
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Post by Outcast on Jan 11, 2008 9:41:45 GMT -5
You know. I shared this sloganiser link of yours in another forum. And they really liked it. Thanks.
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Post by Outcast on Jan 19, 2008 22:10:52 GMT -5
Everyone deserves a chance to change.
The fact that he has some doubts to what he has done and is asking advice for it here, only shows his willingness to do something about it.
Thoughtfist, you yourself seem to think you ought to go to a counsellor for some help on this one. You know yourself better than anyone else here, so i think it would be good to listen to your advice.
Having someone who loves and cares about you such as your girlfriend ought to be reason enough to be happy. It's a blessing. And like all blessings in life, should be appreciated. I think a relationship shouldn't be based on physical attraction alone. Of course, its perfectly normal to want your partner to look good, but what really counts is what's inside. Try and think about where your relationship is really founded/based on. If it's only the physical attraction holding it together, i don't think it's the right reason to keep the relationship.
Anyways, hope some of us has helped you. Now its up to you to do what you think is best.
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Post by Outcast on Jan 11, 2008 9:34:39 GMT -5
Yeah, i think the fact that i have more time to think of a good response during chat sessions might have something to do with it. Plus, the fact that the other person will eventually have to read what you typed. Oh, and yes, you can edit what you say, and people wouldn't even notice your trying to think of a good response or stuttering. Because sometimes, when i am really nervous in person, i can't think of anything good to say. Not to mention my voice is embarrassingly soft and weak. I think another reason it's a bit easier for me to talk on the phone or chat with a person is because it's more of like a one on one talk. You know, your not really put in a spot, not like in a group meeting or discussion. When you know all these people are looking at you. I can get really conscious. And that's another thing i suppose, on the phone or chat, no one is looking at you, so your less conscious of your looks,or actions. Although i can handle one on one talks in person as well, it's still kinda different when its on the phone or chat. I don't really know why. Oh and Konnor, i also have that blushing problem when i'm being put on a spot. I really wish i could control that. Yeah, its kinda nice to get that compliment from people. Letting them know, beneath that shy exterior, lies a really friendly,and perhaps fun person. But sometimes, when i think about it. I get confused. Is it really me,talking on the phone and chatting so friendly? If it was me, why am i so different in person? Oftentimes people would see me as a snob in person. A serious person that isn't so friendly. But when i get comfortable with a person, i can really be friendly and at ease with them. Well, maybe i'm just over analyzing things again and it's all just part of my being an introvert right? It maybe best to just go with the flow, and see where it takes me then. ;D Thanks again for the replies.
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Post by Outcast on Jan 1, 2008 9:02:55 GMT -5
Hello guys. Have you ever been complimented before by someone? That when you chat with them online or talk to them on the phone, you don't seem that shy a person? In fact, you maybe quite the opposite. Because a friend/acquaintance of mine told someone i know, who told it to me. This person told me i was really good at conversing with other people either on the internet chat or sometimes phone conversations. It's when i meet people and friends in person that i really become overly shy and quiet. Well, it seems to me, more and more people are saying this about me. And i just can't help but wonder why i am like that. How come i act differently when i am talking with someone either from the phone or chat? It just makes me wonder. And maybe if i could figure that out, maybe i could find out how to cure this shyness most people have. Then again, maybe there are many different kinds of shyness to even attempt that. Edit: I am not really sure about this. Since there are a lot of different kinds of personalities out there. So, maybe this could only be just about my personality. Of my being an introvert and all.
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Post by Outcast on Dec 9, 2007 11:47:54 GMT -5
I was a member of a cycling club a few years ago, but i never felt part of it somehow. I felt inferior to everyone. Hey, hang in there. It's easy to beat ourselves up when we feel left out in a group. I know, I've done my share of that too. I think the important thing here is, for us not to dwell too much on the past, our mistakes or our failures. We got to keep on trying again and again. And never let other people or an event get to us. I saw this nice feel good movie "Meet the Robinsons", and it had this great message in the end. "Keep moving forward." Let's try and stay focused on our goals and objectives and spend less time worrying what anyone else thinks. Ok, I know. Sometimes more often than not, we are own worst enemies and do the criticizing for them. I think the reason why we feel inferior to someone is because we tend to compare ourselves with other people. Let's avoid doing that and try to recognize that there will always be people who will have more or are better than us. Sorry for the long reply. But if you really feel uncomfortable with the group, you can always try looking for another group,one where in you can be more comfortable and at ease with. Spend as much time as possible with these people, and i'm pretty sure you'll gain some confidence in no time. Remember to keep at it and not be discouraged. Ok? Well, hope that helps. I think I really need to start listening to my own advice too. ...
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Post by Outcast on Dec 8, 2007 12:21:22 GMT -5
quote: I just can't go on living the life of a social phobic/avoidant person anymore! Everyday is a struggle for me. The worst thing is the feeling of inferiority to my peers; Every Monday at work my workmates talk about how great their weekends with their friends/girlfriends was. I just can't take it anymore, i am jealous of people who have stuff happening in their lives. The thing i wish for is to be normal and do normal things; I wan't to go for meals other than with my parents, go to rock concerts but i hate crowds, go to the cinema other than on my own, travel etc. I just want to be normal! When is this illness going to end, will it end o'r am i going to die lonely? : unquote I sometimes feel that way too. Thinking and worrying about it just makes it worse. Have you tried joining a club, so you can meet new people with similar interests? Try avoiding thoughts about you not being normal, remind yourself that lots of people are/were shy at some point in their life. If you really want to, i think you can change. Take the time and effort to talk to other people everyday. Initiate conversations with people your comfortable with, it doesn't have to be long conversations. Anyways, they say that helps. Keep busy. Do the things you enjoy. I ain't saying it's easy. But keeping a positive attitude towards life, appreciating the blessings we have, helps make things feel lighter. Take it one at a time. Remind yourself constantly, that one of your goals is to change. Then try making a list of things you could do, that is more or less a step towards that goal. It's hard work. But if you keep reminding yourself of how important this change is for you, i think you will be able to do it. Remember, we are only human. So we need to forgive ourselves as well, when we fall short of our expectations. Life is precious and short, just to spend it on our worries. Let's try taking responsibility for our own happiness and well being. Well, i hope i had helped you feel a little better after all that. The rest now is up to you. You CAN do it Gaz. Don't be too hard on yourself.
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Post by Outcast on Nov 9, 2007 12:36:33 GMT -5
It's really surprising to know, that i am not the only one who feels this way too. For the past few days, I feel that I too have become increasingly withdrawn. In a way, that i don't really go out of my way to reach out to other people. I'm definitely sure it's not because of the weather. But I'm not really sure why I feel or act this way. I don't know if it's because of this feeling I have of failing to become more social, in the last few months. Instead of gaining friends, I felt I gained some enemies instead, and in some cases showed other people, just how pathetic and strange i really am compared to most. Sometimes i ask myself, have i given up? Or have i come into terms with who i really am? Loving myself for all my faults and weaknesses. Or does it have something to do with the fact that i have a lot on my mind lately because of the increasing responsibilities that has been thrusted upon me? Living without the support of my parents (they went on a vacation),and trying to manage my parent's business, increased chores, collecting rent money, collecting debts owed to my parents, and keeping up with my regular day job, which by the way has become more hectic due to one of my officemates needed to go on a maternity leave. Or have i become too obsessed with one of my hobbies? A hobby which i have become addicted to and enjoy with a passion, as to forget my need for connecting with people. I know I enjoy spending my time with this hobby of mine. But sometimes, I'm not sure if it has become an escape for me. An escape from reality.... At work, i can relate that i can sometimes be social and crack jokes with my co workers. But most of the time and especially lately, this has become less frequent. Maybe I'm busy thinking of work,responsibilities,or hobbies. Or Am I just trying to be myself, going about my business and doing what i feel like doing? When i feel like it, I try to socialize a bit. That's all. I sometimes think there is nothing wrong with being withdrawn. I think we all need some time alone sometimes. Or is it just because I'm an introvert? Oh man! This is becoming too long a post, so I'll just stop here. Sorry...just thought I'd share this..
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Post by Outcast on Dec 26, 2007 20:01:41 GMT -5
I agree with lsdima on this one (oh no.. what's happening?! ). You are over thinking this way too much. Sensitive people can be very easily hurt by comments like that. I know first hand that even the smallest negative comment can put me in a bad mood. Usually if that's how easily hurt you are then you're quite likely to think about it a while after it's happened too. You've got to remember she doesn't think the same way as you do. Nobody does. I'm almost certain she's not given it any thought since saying it. As annoying as it may be, you've got to let it go now. To bring it up could make you seem petty/needy and we both know that's not how it is at all (also she may not even remember it). In these situations you should either say something there and then, or be prepared to forget about it. Thanks for the advice. I think your both right. I was overthinking this situation too much. I guess i'm pretty much over it by now. And yeah i know, she doesn't even think about it too much. Thanks for all the feedback and advices guys. Appreciate it. I'll try not to do too much thinking next time.
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